Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

THANK YOU! exactly, for some reason, what they kept circling back to in their podcast is to learn how to appreciate the other woman, as another human being, to not be jealous of her beauty, to accept that she is "beautiful too" in order to change your mindset and not be so triggered, but they kept glossing over the fact that, if not for the whole PA ordeal, this 'woman' wouldn't have been on our radar at all. For me, I would say 85-90% of the time, I don't think the woman is 'beautiful' as a matter of fact, I've told Wade flat out (plenty of times) "wtf man, she has a butter face, really!? wow" so it's not jealousy, the issue is I know that to HIM, how HE sees her - that is the problem that triggers me, because I know, after all that I have witnessed, that for HIM, I can not compare to them. If left up to just me, I would never, in a million years want to look like them.

It would, I was just telling him this last night, I feel so defeated and pathetic that I can't perform a simple task like this, without going into a frenzy. Even if, right at this moment I know he wouldn't ogle, knowing that in the past -- who he would have, seeing someone like that, still sets me off and I can not help it. It sucks.

 

DAY 373:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me.
  Setback Dates (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband.
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

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Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Free | Respected | Thankful | Anxious | Worried | Nervous | Perplexed | Dissapointed | Annoyed | Stressed | Content
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, we spoke about my Valentine's Day (planning) trigger. He told me that he wants to take over the planning for that day, so I wouldn't have to worry about it or get triggered. I hate how pathetic it is that a simple task like this, I can not do, just horrible. He thinks it's normal, that I'm still healing and it's because I've been hurt, and he should have thought about that and not assigned this holiday to me in the first place, but I don't know if the holiday makes the difference, to be honest. Anyway, it felt good to talk about it, even though I really did not want to, I feel like it's dumb, getting triggered by events/things that haven't even occurred. Then we listed to BAE's "Deep Dive" which is their extra content, for the podcast we listened to yesterday. Then he began telling me that he feels I need to see myself in a better and more positive light. I think I'm fine and my triggers aren't related to my self-worth etc., but who knows.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Tony Robbins On How to Reprogram Your Mind", where he shares some thoughts on how to reprogram your mind to be more positive and get things done. He explains that you have the power to train your mind to choose what you think, instead of allowing random thoughts to hold you hostage. Your goal is to become inner-directed and focused, so that you decide what you want to think, rather than have your thoughts and emotions determined by the world around you.

This morning, we walked and spoke about the trigger again and began coming up with ideas for Valentine's Day together, he actually liked my original idea, that I thought he would find super cheesy. Then we spoke about how he sees me now and how he thinks I see myself too negatively, I tried explaining my point of view and why/how I see myself, why it is so easy for me to see my flaws or point them out, because #1 my profession just makes me more aware of such things and #2, I am a realist, I see things for what they are. I also told him, that I don't think and never said that I'm ugly and I'm not oblivious to all the men that ogle, flirt with me or hit on me, I'm not a dingbat, I comprehend that if I was a hatchet face, they probably wouldn't - I get it, but I don't have to go around, fooling myself into thinking I'm some type of a supermodel either. I don't think we'll ever agree on this topic, not to mention a lot of damage was done over the years, so, I don't think it is something that can be undone anyway, it is seared into my brain, forever. It was a nice talk, uncomfortable for me because I don't enjoy discussing my pathetic triggers or how I feel about my looks, but I still did it. Then we went to our doctors appointment, which was 'fun' as usual... sigh *more tests, appointments, follow-ups*, then the day just kept getting "better and better", our tax guy informed us, now with this new tax law - we're getting $5,000 less, back this year, money we were really counting on, FML.

While Wade participated in his men's group, I took some time to read my current book: "The Budgeting Habit" and there was an interesting part, that makes a lot of sense/can be applied, when it comes to communicating, when in a relationship! “* Reframe criticism as a complaint. As relationship expert John Gottman has discovered, there is an important difference between a complaint and criticism. The complaint points to behavior as the problem, where criticism implies a quality or trait of your partner is the problem. * Use the phrase, “Is there anything else?” Allowing the real issue to emerge at the beginning of a discussion can save a lot of time and emotional energy. * Learn and practice repair moves. Repair moves are words or actions that can lessen the tension if the conversation begins to get heated. Four powerful repair moves include humor, reminiscing about a past happy or fun time together, apologizing for your part in the problem, and using loving touch and affection. * Allow your partner to dominate the conversation and determine the topic to be discussed. Remain completely attentive to what he or she is saying. Avoid interrupting, even when you have something important to add. Ask open-ended questions that invite more from your partner (if he or she wants that). Avoid coming to premature conclusions or offering solutions. Repeat back to your partner what you heard once he or she is done speaking.”

My back is killing me right now too, I can't wait to lay down and decompress.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Felt good about still fitting into my HS tees.

#Motivational
Tony Robbins: How to Reprogram Your Brain


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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DAY 374:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me.
  Setback Dates (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband.
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Free | Content | Interested | Valued | Joyful | Confident | Loving | Peaceful | Overwhelmed | Annoyed | Unfocused
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, we didn't really talk much - he filled me in on what they spoke about at his man's group and then we decided to a movie night. We watched "Unbreakable", I've never seen it before last night, I want to see Glass, so I have to catch up lol. It was a pretty neat suspense thriller type of movie.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Kasumi Kriss With 8 Easy To Do Self-Improvement Tips", where the main point is that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too. The 8 tips are 1. Read, 2. Be Alone 3. Get out of your comfort zone, 4. Practice self-love, 5. Wake up early, 6. Start a Journal, 7. Eat healthy & Exercise, 8. Unlearn bad habits.

This morning, after dropping off the kids at school, we had 5 full hours, all to ourselves, a 'day date' if you will and it was time well spent. No triggers or tension for me, I was at peace, just happy to spend the day with him doing just about anything, as simple as it may seem. We walked, listened to BAE's podcast "Ep: 67 The One Thing You Might Be Missing in Your Recovery" which was about the importance of exercise and health (self-care) in recovery and healing, something Wade and I agree with, wholeheartedly - although we both agreed that they should have titled it "The Importance of Self-Care in Recovery" or something, oh well. After our walk and talk, we did some scans to earn some moola and then we drove back. We went to have lunch at an Asian fusion place, the food was good, unfortunately, we didn't read the fine print and our Groupon wasn't valid, so we have to come back and use it another time, on the right stuff this time. Lesson learned though, always bring up Groupon first and confirm what you are getting is covered under the coupon. Regardless the date went well, we had a really good talk, he questioned and made me wonder myself if my intuition was what triggered me back in summer of 2017, before discovery day, to start working on my own self-care, because I felt something was coming (d-day), who knows? it was such a good day... till we got home lol

Once we got home, my client sent me some revisions to work on, which wasn't a big deal. Then my dad began driving me banana's - he came over and after he rambled on for what felt like a few hours, he left but then proceeded to call me 20 times afterward, about various doctors and appointments etc., I feel like a personal secretary, sigh. It was just so annoying and frustrating, a real downer after such a good time earlier in the day. Then the kids got home and the headache continued... I guess that is just life, eh? oh well, at least I had the morning, right?

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Felt like I had Wade's full attention today and the felt good.

#Motivational
Kasumi Kriss With 8 Easy To Do Self-Improvement Tips


Rich Roll on Impact Theory - Why Your Excuses Will Ruin You


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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DAY 375:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me.
  Setback Dates (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband.
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

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Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Perplexed | Frustrated | Hurt | Depressed | Insecure | Unfocused | Weak | Overwhelmed | Ashamed | Lonely | Tired
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, he gave me a very soothing massage and spoke to me about his guilt and shame, for his past behavior towards me and how much he is sorry for all that he has done over the years. I told him that I am afraid that at some point all that guilt and shame will start feeling like a jail sentence and might turn into resentment towards me, but he thinks not. Then we began speaking about my self-esteem and I think got things a bit more figured out on that front after I cleared things up for him. Then we watched some TV, shortly after, he began putting together his suit for work the next day. I noticed him putting together an ensemble, that looked more like he was readying himself for a date night and not like he was going to work. I mentioned this to him, multiple times, but he continuously said: "no, I don't think so, you know me, I just like looking good". So, I was like.... "okaaayyyyyy." I knew the real reason why, but I'm not his mother, I wasn't going to tell him how to dress for work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Brendon Burchard With Personal Development Tips For Overcoming Obstacles", where he gives personal development tips to help overcome the obstacles to your personal growth, he lists 3 of the top obstacles (enemies) we all face, within ourselves: 1) Doubt 2) Delay 3) Division (feeling different from other people). His point is you can do anything if you face your obstacles head-on, and always remember if you find a path with no obstacles, it's probably one that doesn't lead you anywhere you want to be.

This morning, he went to work, as he was leaving I again repeated "still, looks like you're going on a date, not work", he said he doesn't think so and then he left. After dropping the girls off at work, I went for my walk, in the rain - I had a bad feeling sitting with me all morning, I felt upset/not like myself at all, but decided to turn on a BAE's podcast, "Ep: 68 What Do I Attract into my Life and Why?" which was about how the same things keep happening to us and why it seems like similar situations or people keep popping up in our lives, over and over again. They go into the laws of attraction and how sometimes we have a tendency to attract negativity into our lives, with our mindset. Then Wade sent me a selfie, he was seated at a table, so I guess he stopped by to have breakfast, a flush of anxiety came over me because he looked as if he was sitting, waiting for his date to arrive. Then, I remembered how he was gloating a few months ago, about all of the compliments he was getting and how he noticed women ogling him and he was so excited when he was describing it too. Then it hit me, I know how much he loves attention and compliments, he is the complete opposite of me when it comes to this, he is like his attention seeking mother, she just lives for it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good and take pride in doing so, however, it is one thing to be well dressed for WORK and another to overdressed and look like you aren't going to work, but going on a date or trying to find one. It made me feel small, insecure, unloved, unwanted and all I could picture in my head was how he was probably walking around with his head high, waiting for females to give him compliments, to check him out or God knows what else he was fishing for, because obviously, I must not be giving him enough attention or something. I dropped more than enough comments about this look (two days!), for anyone to understand I thought it was too much for work, he told me he was too dense to get the hints when we spoke about it over the phone, sorry but I don't buy it. To top it off, during our text exchange, after he sent the selfie, I told him "figured you were going to save that look for when we would go out on a date" and his response was "oh baby, it's not one time use, I am planning to wear it when we'll go out". As if I would want him to do me a favor, after putting it on for other women first. Whatever!

He got home and had to go to bed, he wants to continue talking about this, but is there really much more to discuss? I figured we already did, over the phone - he says he didn't understand my hints, he doesn't see anything wrong with what he wore. I know his personality, I know he seeks out attention, so what else is there to say about it? I wonder if he would feel the same way if I wore sexy mini-dresses to work, with 4" heels and he'd tell me that I look like I'm ready to go on a date with him, not work and my response would be, I don't think so, I think I look fancy and then walk out the door!

OMG, I can not wait till 11:00 PM, so I can have some alone time, watch my show and then go to bed, so this day can just be over, ASAP, I need to walk again, tomorrow morning cannot come soon enough.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got my walk in, in the rain and as tired as I was, I needed it.

#Motivational
3 Enemies to Our Personal Growth


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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I agree, this tends to work right into his inconsiderate behavior(s), that just keep creeping back up and it's super frustrating for me. Not to mention I'm the complete opposite of this.

 

DAY 376:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me.
  Setback Dates (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband.
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Tired | Worried | Nervous | Overwhelmed | Vulnerable | Ashamed | Embarrassed | Sensitive | Courageous | Respected | Hopeful
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, we spoke about how I felt and how him 'missing the clues' and showing his inconsiderate behavior, led me to feel really small, insecure and insignificant. He got his perspective on the whole situation out as well - he claims he is dense sometimes and can not pick up my clues, how he prefers for me to just tell him if something makes me uncomfortable, which in most cases, at least these days, I have been. I told him with sort of thing, I don't want to be his mother and tell him what he can or can not wear, especially knowing how much he enjoys attention, plus it will just show me that the only reason he would have changed his mind, would not have been because he realized overdressing for attention isn't the best of idea's because 'he is married', but only because it bothers me. It was a difficult conversation, the kind I don't like having, I was in a depressed and shitty mood all day, and it persisted through our talk. It seemed as though, we were both talking, but still not in agreement, which is okay, we don't have to agree on everything. Then, I got a little more taken-back when something else that happened, during that talk. At some point, like he began caressing me, then going for kisses and with each one, he kept repeating how much he wanted me and only me, in my interpretation of the situation, it looked like he was trying to turn me on... and I took it as if he was trying to 'close' the conversation and trying to get laid (from his end). However, I was not in the mood, so, I wasn't really responding well to it, when nothing happened, he sat up and said it feels like maybe I was right and having this conversation only made things worse, not better because he felt like this conversation didn't resolve anything. Thing is, usually after we have difficult conversations, we both get vulnerable and really connected and that makes me feel really close to him, which, in turn, leads to intimacy. This time, I was still feeling insecure and sad, I was in no mood for sex, and whether that was his intent or not, that sequence of events really led me to believe, that because I wasn't in the mood for 'it', that was why he responded the way that he did.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How to Get What You Want In Life", we hear some great advice on how to get what you want in life. Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. Sometimes, however, when you are feeling crappy, as positive and inspirational as these are, I can't help but think "how can I get to this mindset!".

This morning, we went to walk at the mall because it was just to fridged to walk outside. We spoke about his night, my night and then last night's talk. After mulling it over in my head, I decided to bring up what I wrote about above. I wasn't planning on bringing it up or writing about it at all, mainly because I thought it if I did, it would cause him to never go for 'it' ever again or to question himself, every time thereafter. He told me he can understand why I took it the way that I did, but that was not his intention at all. He said he was just upset because usually after our talks, both of us are in a better place, happier and it seems like we resolve whatever we are discussing. This time though, we kept talking about the topic, but it seemed like we weren't resolving the issue and that I still seemed depressed, even after we talked. I explained to him, that he will never understand the level of uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, fear, etc., I (or any SO) has, because he has never been in my shoes, he has never felt or known what it was like, to feel unwanted or in competition with every other male in the room because I have never made him feel this way. He will never know, what it is like to constantly wonder where you stand on a day to day basis, in your own marriage (where the idea is to feel safe and secure). Always having to question, if you are what your partner really (truly) desires, because one minute you may feel "maybe I am" and then 'he' passes by and all of the doubts consume you, instantly, because all you can do is remember all those times before and even if ogling isn't occurring at the moment, all you can picture is when it was or imagining what your partner might be thinking and that's the sad truth. So, yeah, to normal people, in normal relationships, they might see this overdressing/enjoying the attention thing as a nothing burger, but to someone like me, when incidents like this happen, it's a whole different experience and sets of thoughts that take over. I tried to explain it to him on the car ride back, to me, with something like this, all I think is: he wanted to do that because he craves the attention of women, he wanted to seek it out. I believe that he got my hints, he chose to ignore them, because he wanted to wear what he wanted to wear. Is that a fact? maybe, maybe not - he says it was not, all I can do it take him at his word. But based on his history, his mother and father's obsession on attention, how selfish/narcissistic he has been... where else would my mind go? He knows that it is out of character for me to repeat myself, 4-5 times in a row, so if I'm doing that, it's something to pay attention to... if you choose not to, you are willfully doing it, at that point. He does not agree with me, he claims ignorance, I guess I will never really know the truth. I guess it is also in part because if he would have told me something to that effect, I would have gotten it, from the first time and it wouldn't need repeating either. Anyway, we did come to a solution, we are going to separate his clothes, so he won't have to ask me every time if it's "date wear" or "work wear". As I said, it was an excruciatingly difficult conversation for me, also pretty triggering and makes me much more aware of just how insecure I still feel in our relationship, but I guess, we have to discuss this stuff, we have to have these difficult talks in order to get through them, instead of holding it in and resenting each other.

Once we got home, he went to bed and I had to deal with the kids. They must have made a deal with each other because they were driving me freaking bonkers the entire day, I was losing my mind. When Wade woke up, I told him that I think from now on, we are going to have to skip morning walks together when they are home, I'll go myself, he'll go to bed, so he can wake up earlier and deal with them earlier. Because I can't, I will lose my shit soon enough.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I really didn't want to post or mention what I interpreted about his actions last night, but I gathered the courage and did it anyway.

#Motivational
Kyle Cease - Why You Need to Stop Saying What People Want to Hear


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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DAY 377:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  Setbacks (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

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Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Empty | Isolated | Distant | Nervous | Vulnerable | Trusting | Content | Creative | Annoyed | Shocked | Inquistive | Tired
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, my head was pounding after the day/evening I had, so he rubbed my head while we talked. We revisited the same topics from earlier and I told him how rough it's been for me, having to face the reality, of just how fragile I seem to be, to the fact the I'm way more insecure about where I stand in his eyes, from my perspective, then I had thought. It only dawned on me, after the most recent incident we had, when those feelings started emerging. After our talk, we went to the living room and watched a little TV before he had to go to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "How to Find True Fulfillment In Life", where the message was about how we find fulfillment in life. "Always remember people take different roads seeking fulfillment. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."

This morning, we had a really good walk and talk in the freezing cold, it was so cold that my eyes were tearing up, I'm shocked icicles didn't begin forming. He told me about his night. He said his coworker was being annoying, there was a group text going around, that he wasn't apart of, but that coworker still was - they were sharing porn photos/animations and the co-worker kept trying to turn his phone towards him to show him - saying "look! look!" and he said he just looked the other way and the coworker just said "man, I feel so sorry for you" (meaning, he is so whipped by his wife, he is afraid to look at other women/nude photos now). You know, what children do, apparently he even had to bring it up when they met up with other coworkers too, because it was that shocking, that he didn't want to look at boobs. He also mentioned he had two slips the night before, that he forgot to bring up and didn't want to forget to tell me about, which I appreciate the honesty. Anyhow, then, I was still in my depressive mood, that has been ongoing over the last few days, it was due to a whole host of issues, insecurity, stability, mood, situations occurring etc. Then we talked about a recent chain of inconsiderate behaviors (a lot of what he would do in the past) happening now and how I perceive those inconsiderate behaviors quite parallel to selfish behaviors. I think the various incidents that have occurred over the last few days have really been eating me up inside, on top of everything else bubbling up within me, because that hasn't been sitting well with me at all, those behaviors remind me of the past way too much and trigger my PTSD. After I got it all out, I did feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me, he told me that he felt a lot better after the talk too. It's just, he keeps telling me he is trying to be better with that (inconsiderate/selfish behaviors) and I want to believe him, but a lot of the stuff he was doing (the good stuff) I've seen less of these days, but those inconsiderate behaviors have gone up a notch, so it's confusing and triggering.

However, today, I will give credit, where credit is due. He knew how overwhelmed I have been these last few days, so he took it upon himself to set an alarm because he knew I wouldn't wake him up early and got up an hour before schedule, to give me a much-needed break. I really appreciated that it was very thoughtful and unexpected.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was there for another SO, who was in the middle of a breakdown.

#Motivational
Garrain Jones on How your Brain is Holding You Back


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 378:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  Setbacks (Lies/Inconsistent behavior) 5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
  1/19/19 | 1/21/18 | 1/24/2019 | 1/27/2019
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  Followed my routine / Got creative / Regulated my sleep / Talk about it / Feel the feels
  Verbalized my feelings, triggers or frustrations to my husband, instead of bottling up.
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit" | Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Content | Annoyed | Free | Eager | Sleepy | Playful | Loving | Intimate | Creative | Busy | Overwhelmed | Inquisitive
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, we spoke for a bit, reflected about recovery, some of his PA's in his men's groups and here, also the SO that I helped through a rough spot that she found herself in, I did the best I could to try and hold her space and not try and fix it for her, because I've been there and nothing I say, could change her situation, she just needed someone to listen. She was actually the one who introduced NoFap to me, and then I sent it to Wade when I was on my way out of this relationship last January - which is what changed everything for him and me. Then I asked him, the question that I keep getting asked by SO's, who have husbands just starting - "what kept your husband from relapsing this time?" and he said mostly sticking to his routines, boundaries, being consistent, daily talks with me (accountability, vulnerability, and connection) etc. I do tell them, that I also had to be able to hold his space and be empathic (even at times when what I was hearing was painful or triggering), just as much as has to do the same for me and it is not easy, it takes a lot of > TIME < patience and work. He also mentioned that he noticed when I raise my tone/get passionate when speaking, which isn't something I do often, my mood gets way better after, so he thinks that's when I release pent up tension - which could be possible.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Build Up Self-Esteem", how? 1. Be present to the moment 2. Improve what you can, accept what you can't 3. Remove victim mentality, be responsible for your actions 4. Stay grounded, be assertive 5. Have a purpose and 6. Grow in integrity. Remember, making yourself a priority every once in a while is not selfish, it's necessary.

This morning, we had our weekly grocery run, happy to report we are still holding strong with that $100 a week, grocery budget! it really is possible. On the way there, we spoke about the same stuff as last night. It was a good conversation, both of us seem to be in a much better mood these last two days. I think getting everything out, really helped, which is great, going into Valentine's Day depressed, like in the past would have sucked.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Took the time to check in with that SO, just to make sure she was okay, even if I haven't heard back.

#Self-Care
The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem By Nathaniel Branden


Max Lugavere on What to Eat to Improve Your Memory & Fight Diseases


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#Must Watch Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 379:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Exhausted | Overwhelmed | Playful
Partner: Eager | Curious | Content
Professional: Confident | Creative | Free
Person: Busy | Loving | Accepted

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Completed my morning routine.
2) Having the chance to make it out to walk and talk with Wade.
3) Found time to read a few pages of my book.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we spoke a little bit about some of the ups and downs of recovery and the issues both SO's and PA's face, due to the fact that recently both he and I have spoken to a few folks going through some setbacks, which we are all too familiar with. It has given us some time to reflect and remember our own process.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "5 Fool-Proof Ways to End Self-Doubt Once and For All", where he talks about how to end your annoying self-doubt once and for all. Remember, the worst enemy to your creativity is self-doubt. The 5 tips are 1. Exercise to change your state, 2. Find the lesson, 3. Change your environment and filter, 4. Embody the removal of negative feelings, and 5. Get righteously pissed.

This morning, even with the impending blizzard coming our way, we went to the mall for a quick, brisk walk and talk. We started listening to BAE's podcast ' Ep: 70 "We are Getting Divorced" ' in the car and then continued to listen to it during our walk, pausing and discussing points throughout. The podcast was about how often either the PA or the SO, get into an emotional rut, where they feel like the only way out is divorce, that there is no way things can get better. Both Wade and I have been here, for each of us it has been for various and different reasons, but we remember them quite well. The one thing we are both thankful for is getting into a routine of talking to each other about everything, no matter how hard, uncomfortable or unpleasant the topic may be, even if anger or tears are involved. We've begun developing resilience in reacting emotionally, instead, we listen and are able to hold space, which is pivotal.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was happy with how hair looked today, even if it looked greasy lol.

#Self-Care
How To DESTROY Self Doubt


Drew Manning on Why Weight Loss Is All In Your Head (quite powerful!)


---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------


---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 380:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Excited | Free | Stressed
Partner: Thankful | Sensitive | Grateful
Professional: Proud | Creative | Successful
Person: Overwhelmed | Annoyed | Tired

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Waking up with Wade next to me this morning.
2) There were no delays / no snow days for the kid's school! (lol, sorry, not sorry)
3) The chance to walk in the morning, when I didn't think I would.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we got some sad news about something that happened to someone at his job, so we spent the night talking about that and sharing how it made both of us feel. Usually, under these circumstances, we both wallowed in separate corners, this time we turned to each other. It was nice to have someone to sit in "it" with, someone to hold and get comfort from. Then we went to bed together.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Spread Positivity - Be An Encourager", Evan Carmichael encourages us to spread positivity every chance we get. Remember, living someone else's version of your life is never going to be how you win.

This morning, because we had to take my dad to one of his doctor's appointments, I didn't think we would have time to walk. However, we managed to squeeze in a quick jam session! which was the highlight of my day. On the way to the mall, we listened to "Dr. Shefali on Impact Theory - How to Become a Better Parent" which was a phenomenal interview and how she breaks everything down was just amazing, it really opens up your eyes on parenting and how you were parented/conditioned -- aka how you become a product of your own environment and how to end that cycle. I think one of the takeaways from this interview is 'we are all trying to recover from the parenting we received'. Then we went to my dad's doctors appointment and now I have a headache that will probably stick with me through the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and we've decided to go with my first plan/idea - that I thought was too silly to even mention to him... we're going to an Arts & Crafts place, then Dave & Buster's and then lunch. Then we plan on having a movie night, he wants to watch "Split", I rented it already, and we'll add some wine and sweets, then spend the rest of the night together at home. I'm actually really excited about all that -- more than I would have been to just go and have dinner somewhere.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
My outfit matched and I felt good, overall!

#Self-Care
"Spread POSITIVITY!" - Jordan B. Peterson


#Motivational
Dr. Shefali on Impact Theory - How to Become a Better Parent


---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 381:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "The Budgeting Habit"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Annoyed | Excited | Playful
Partner: Excited | Loving | Intimate
Professional: Proud | Eager | Content
Person: Peaceful | Joyful | Hopeful

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Going into Valentine's Day, in a good mood, the first time in over a decade.
2) Not having any triggers today!
3) Spending half the day with Wade and then with the family!
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he treated me to a hair color treatment, Valentine's Day prep! LOL! while he did that, we talked briefly about his group, what they talked about and an uncomfortable moment for him - he decided to call Coby out on him not participating in their text chat, especially because this week, one of the guys relapsed and only had Wade to talk him through it, which he doesn't mind, but Wade isn't getting paid monthly to mentor guys, Coby is... so he needs to step it up. I am proud of Wade for calling him out because that took a lot of courage. Afterward, we watched a little tv and then headed to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Jodi Aman on Calming Anxiety in 20 Seconds", where the speaker (Jodi) explains her beliefs on how to calm yourself, from anxiety in 20 seconds. She explains the processes and what happens to your brain when a panic attack occurs. Her solution is to memorize and then recite a mantra to yourself, I've suffered from panic attacks for years, even before triggers were a thing for me, talking myself down never worked, but it may work for someone else. Remember, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

This morning, we went to the mall and had the best Valentine's Day to date. We didn't do anything fancy or flashy, but we spent quality time together. On the way there we listened to Jay Shetty's new podcast, the first episode was "Jay Shetty Interviews His Wife for the First Time" which was great, a peek behind the curtains so to speak, where we kind of get to know the man, behind all of those wonderful words of wisdom. First, we went to the arts & crafts place, picked our piece, it was a statue of the word "LOVE" with a lot of little holes in it, apparently it comes with lights when you pick it up, so I can not wait to see the finished product! it will be so pretty! we lost track of time between painting and talking, ended up staying two hours there lol then we headed off to Dave & Buster's and had a blast playing games. Afterward, we decided to just eat there after checking out the menu and seeing they've updated it and the new items sounded good. We are glad we did, the food was actually pretty yummy, not going to lie! during our lunch we continued talking, he told me that he believed that he had a minor urge to M this morning in the shower, but wasn't too sure, because he was mindful and brushed it off, finished what he needed to do and got out of the showered as fast as possible. I'm happy he acknowledged it and let me know. After lunch, we headed back home, both agreeing that our day-date went well, the first time in a long time ... for Valentine's Day. We picked up some goodies for the kids, so when we got back, we gave them their treats, which they were excited to received as usual.

Now both of us are excitedly waiting to put the girls to bed, so we can continue our celebration with our date night, we'll be watching "Spilt" (hopefully it won't be too scary/triggering lol) with some drinks and chocolate covered strawberries! woohoo!

Wishing everyone a...


What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
That I was truly happy this Valentine's Day! and truly happy to be spending it with Wade!

#Self-Care
How to Calm From Anxiety in 20 Seconds


#Motivational
Jay Shetty - How to Find Your Purpose:


---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 382:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Exhausted | Amused | Joyful
Partner: Thankful | Loving | Insecure
Professional: - | - | -
Person: Tired | Free | Content

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Our open and honest talk this morning
2) Getting some errands out of the way.
3) Having a yummy dinner.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we continued our Valentine's Day celebration with our movie night. After putting our girls down, he put together a surprise scavenger/riddle hunt for me around the apartment which led me to the present that he got for me, it was a beautiful dew drop Swarovski necklace. We watched "Split", which was a cool suspense thriller, all I can say is - James McAvoy is a phenomenal actor, wow! we ate some yummy chocolate strawberries and drink wine, it was a nice end to a great day.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Achieve More By Morning Routines of Highly Successful People", we learn how to achieve more by modeling the morning routines of highly successful people. Remember, first, we make our habits, then our habits make us. The 3 tips given here are 1. eat mainly fat and protein for breakfast, 2. take a cold shower and 3. do creative work.

This morning, we walked our trail and reflected on yesterday. We were both happy that this Valentine's Day, although we did not do anything fancy quite the opposite, we were both in our element, doing what we love and spent the day fully connected, intimate, and happy. Both of us were completely present, paying attention to each other and engaging with one another, the whole day. We remembered how unconnected and pathetic our past V-days were, how this one would have been had we never begun recovery etc. It was just a good, heartfelt, reflective, emotionally honest and pleasant talk. Then we continued the day by running the errands we needed to run, going to the dentist etc and just getting shit done. Everything was going great, we were both in a good mood, until we finally got home and there was a woman in our building waiting for the elevator (someone I've never seen before) but I felt like a threat to me for sure - one of his 'primes', in really tight jeans, of course, no matter how much I would have preferred not to have ruined such a good day, I got triggered (out of my control) and my mood went to shit after that. It hit me quick, from the minute I saw her, all I kept thinking was "FUCK, ugh whyyyyyyyyy, like why does she have to be here, right now, at this very moment" "ugh, great, now he'll be nostalgic for that type and I can't be that" "I bet he misses ogling right about now" "He probably wishes he was with someone like that" too many thoughts firing off - I can not remember them all... plus "why the fuck is this elevator moving so damn slow!!! would it hurry up omg", it was literally taking forever to come down to the lobby! ideally I would have loved for her to get her triggering ass into the elevator asap and leave before Wade got back from parking the car, so we could get in after, without him seeing her and/or her riding with us, but because that's just not how life works for me, it was stalled up on the 8th floor f-o-r-e-v-e-v-e-r... and of course the minute he opened the door to the building, it began making its way back to the 1st floor, big shock. I could tell he was uncomfortable/tense too because he didn't do something that he usually does. When we got inside our apartment, he asked if I got triggered and I said, yes. Later, when he brought it up again, I told him I know he did too and he said no, not really, he noticed her but he was okay, but I don't think so, I saw he was uncomfortable - but whatever. It only takes one trigger and all the good feelings of the day, go straight down the toilet, that's how this works and it really is unfortunate.

Anyway, on a brighter note, now that I've finished reading "The Budgeting Habit", I am going to be starting a new book, called "Everydata: The Misinformation Hidden in the Little Data You Consume Every Day" by John H. Johnson and Mike Gluck. I'm excited about this one, it is supposed to teach us how to be informed data consumers. How to use and interpret data in a strategic way, how we should and shouldn’t use data to make decisions in our lives etc.

Tomorrow is another community day for our game, cold afternoon, at the mall again, while I'm still nursing a trigger - it's going to be funnn... I'm a glutton for punishment.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Finally finished reading "The Budgeting Habit" and I feel good about it, the second book I've finished since recovery, coming from someone who avoided books!

#Self-Care
3 Morning Routine Habits Of Successful People:


#Motivational
Ed Mylett - What Everyone Struggling Needs to Know Right Now


---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------



---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 383:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Cheeky | Joyful | Exhausted
Partner: Free | Anxious | Insecure
Professional: - | - | -
Person: Sleepy | Annoyed | Overwhelmed

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) A sunny day!
2) Wade getting the week off.
3) Started my new book.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a nice full body massage, it was really soothing and relaxing. We spoke about the trigger from earlier in the day, he told me he read my journal from the night before and wanted to talk about some of the points I made. Then we went and watched some TV. Afterward, we ended the night with a lot of tender intimacy, he gave me a lot of kisses and compliments, but I was still triggered from earlier and I couldn't help incoming thoughts of "I wonder if he would prefer to be kissing her body instead, but he is just making do, because he is stuck with me". Don't get me wrong, I was in the moment, but those thoughts were popping in and out of my head, I was trying to fend them off and they were on and off because I was getting turned on and feeling good, but it was not easy. This does not happen often but because this particular trigger, was so close to me, I felt as though Wade had a side by side comparison (visually and in person) of what he is stuck with vs what he wishes he had. So, that train of thought stuck with me and I could not stop thinking about it, not by choice, trust me, I would prefer to think of anything else.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "10 Habits of Happy People That Anyone Can Develop", the speaker provides a breakdown of 10 habits that happy people have and how we can adopt them in our own lives. The 10 habits are 1. Gratitude, 2. Optimism, 3. Smile, 4. Friends, 5. Remove bad relationships, 6. Breaks, 7. Goals, 8. Learn, 9. Self Care and 10. Help Others. Remember, your happiness should never depend on another person giving it to you.

This morning, Wade had a doctors appointment. I spent the morning with our four-year-old and then helping my parents with technology and medical paperwork. So, my head was pounding before brunch! When my parents left, I settled the little one down and she was entertained for a few minutes, I started the first few pages of my new book, which was nice.

During the afternoon, Wade and I left the kids with my parents, so we could go to the mall, so we could do our game's community day. A Saturday afternoon at the mall is never a fun or easy task for me, especially still coming off of a trigger. There were a few threats there, I guess I'm still in a funk from yesterday's trigger that these were hitting me, but not phasing me as much since I was already 'in a mood'. We played the game, walked around and had a really long, deep and hard [vulnerable] talk about how I felt/feel about the trigger(s) and how I think, he sees me vs them. It was a really uncomfortable talk for me to have, I even brought up the thoughts I was having during sex last night, he said he feels bad for starting it now, but I told him that my thoughts are so random, it could have not happened - just the same... it is that unpredictable, but this is why I don't like bringing these things up. It will leave him with unnecessary thoughts in the future about initiating or etc. He held my space well, he did chime in that how he sees me now is totally different and all he wants is me, which is something he usually does when I talk about this stuff. I want to believe him, sometimes I do - more so before our incident with Coby and the group but still, but when they are around, I find it difficult to believe it because I can see the differences and they are so stark, I just can't come to terms with it, it does not compute in my head, no matter how much I want/wish that it would because I hate what these triggers do to me, inside and out. The one thing I am glad about is that both of us, somehow, still find the courage to have these conversations with each other, without holding back, which is important for us both - even knowing that sometimes the content of what we say, might hurt the other person, but if done right it won't scar them.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Tried out my new eyeshadow, I suck at application, but the colors look fab!

#Self-Care
10 Habits of Happy People - How To Be Happy:


If You Want To Change Your Life, Watch This

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1183643971790035

---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 384:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Content | Joyful | Playful
Partner: Free | Loving | Intimate
Professional: - | - | -
Person: Energetic | Peaceful | Thankful

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Completing a second class.
2) Spending time with the family.
3) Learning a new makeup tip. (Yep, I'm THAT bad)
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we let our eldest stay up late so we could play a board game in peace. By that I mean, after we've put the little one to bed, so she won't interrupt and throw all of the game pieces around lol. We played the game "LIFE", neither of us realized that it would take as long as it did, but all of us were having a good time. Afterward, we were so exhausted, we decided to just watch a little Netflix and then call it a night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Helpful Tips on Successfully Dealing With Rude People", they talk about some effective ways of successfully dealing with rude people. Remember, the less you respond to rude people, the more peaceful your life will become. There are rude people everywhere and we come across these people sometimes. How we respond to them, can make a world of difference, for our own inner peace.

This morning, we drove down to the mall, on the way there and a bit while we walked, we finished listening to Jay Shetty's podcast, the first episode"Jay Shetty Interviews His Wife for the First Time" pausing and discussing as we went. Both of us agreed that it's great to be able to talk about various topics, not always recovery/PA only. As I mentioned before, this podcast was Jay Shetty and his wife discussing various topics, such as health, happiness, and the components of a successful relationship. A great quote from his wife, my takeaway was: “Unless you talk through it and process it together—you never get over it and it’s brought up in the next argument.” - Radhi Shetty. At the end of it, he did this cute little Q&A with his wife, to see how well they know each other. It was a few questions that their friends wrote out for them. So, Wade and I paused after each one, so we could play along, I'm happy to report that we know each other a little better LOL not that it is a competition! we did three fast-paced rounds and it felt great! On the way back, we started listening to the second episode, "Russell Brand: ON How He Nearly Ruined His Career", another interesting one. Russell opens up about his struggles with addiction, his experience chasing fame, money, sex, and why that’s not something people should aspire to. He shares what has enlightened and led him to a life of sobriety for over 14 years now and the role mentors and spirituality has played in getting him there.

During the afternoon, we took the girls out to see "The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part", it was long for a kiddie film (almost 2 hours) and I was afraid our four year old wouldn't have the attention span to stick it out, but she did. The entire afternoon was nice family time for us, we don't get to do these sorts of things so often, between the school and Wade's work schedule, but today everything clicked for us. I'm glad that it did, everyone seemed to have a good time.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I loved the look I put together today, long sweater, jeans, and calf boots!

#Self-Care
Phrases for responding to RUDE people:


---------------------------------------------------
#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
---------------------------------------------------



---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 385:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Cheeky | Joyful | Exhausted
Partner: Eager | Loving | Intimate
Professional: - | - | -
Person: Tired | Free | Content

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Started my third class!
2) Found some time to read.
3) Compiled all of our grocery coupons for this week.
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Last night, he gave me a nice full body massage and one thing led to another... anyway after we watched some TV and then we went to bed. It has been so nice having him in bed every night. It's crazy, I use to wait for him to leave so I could have my own time, now I want him to stay around.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Teaching People How to Treat Us By Setting Personal Boundaries", in this episode, we learn to teach people how to treat us by setting personal boundaries. Remember, lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. A healthy life is about keeping things in balance. Personal boundaries are at the core of being happy. There are 5 ways to teach others how to treat us properly. Step 1: Notice when we reinforce the bad behavior of others, Step 2: Recognizing that we have the right to walk away from others, Step 3: Understanding that we have the right to say NO if something is not in our best interest, Step 4: Recognizing that we have insight on unhealthy relationships and acting upon that knowledge and Step 5: Sticking with it. Reinforcing our beliefs and acting consistently will help us to achieve our goals of being treated the way we want to be.

This morning, we listened to BAE's podcast "Ep: 71 The Fear Cycle" where Brannon walks Ashlynn and Coby down the path of identifying the things that set them (and most betrayed/recovering addicts) into fear and how the cycle usually goes, describing each step through its transition. As we walked, we paused and discussed parts we could relate to and where we found similarities in what they were saying, to our own situation. There were a few 'threats' passing by here and there, but I managed to get through them because we were distracted without walk, game, and talk. Then on drive home, we finished listening to Jay Shetty's second podcast episode, "Russell Brand: ON How He Nearly Ruined His Career". Where Russell opens up about his struggles with addiction, chasing fame, money, sex, and why that’s not something people should aspire to. His accent is difficult to understand sometimes because he talks quickly, but his points are very good and valid, especially for addicts, well - at least I think so.

Overall it was a pretty easy day.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
How my calves are becoming more defined!

#Self-Care
Personal Boundaries: 5 ways to teach people how to treat us properly!


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#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
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DAY 386:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Free | Peaceful | Exhausted
Partner: Anxious | Vulnerable | Loving
Professional: - | - | -
Person: Content | Accepted | Overwhelmed

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) The kid's old daycare being open!
2) Having the entire morning to ourselves.
3) Going into a mall and walking out with $25.
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Last night, we listened to BAE's "extra" content for their podcast "Ep: 71 The Fear Cycle", on Patreon, it was short, I thought paid content was supposed to be "more" but whatever. They make great points and say the more you are able to prepare yourself for an upcoming situation that could be triggering, the better off you will be at handling it. That makes a lot of sense... unless your triggers are random and spontaneous, like mine. I can not plan for or prepare myself for a woman that may or may not appear somewhere and trigger some bad PTSD, so, I dunno. Wade said he will bring this up to Coby at their next group meeting and see what he has to say about that.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Lessons From Muhammed Ali On Building Self-Confidence", we learn how to model Muhammad Ali's style of over the top self-confidence. He was supremely confident without coming off as too arrogant, and he made the kind of impact that he did on the people, because of it. Remember, whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

This morning, I felt like something was off with Wade on the way to the mall. I felt like he was driving erratic and not really being himself, he told me he was driving the same way he always has. Once we got to the mall, I asked him if he wanted to talk or listen to something, he said we could talk. That's when he let me in on some of the emotions that have been swirling in his head all morning. He said he was responding to one of his AP's and talking about my triggers and some of our setbacks, how he was upset that he had gotten further with my safety, but because of the whole Coby issue earlier and letting me know about all slips (not just difficult ones), it fell back quite a bit. That writing about all of that brought back up a lot of feelings of insecurity, fears etc. We spoke about it, he got a lot of it off his chest and I think it helped him, being about to voice it. We also spoke about why he decided to take recovery seriously, this time around instead of all the other times, it was a good and productive walk and talk.

Overall with the kids at daycare all day, we had a mellow day for us, which was nice.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
My hair is well behaved today!

#Motivational
Muhammad Ali's Secret To Insane Confidence!


#Self-Care
How To Command Respect Without Being a Jerk


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#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
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DAY 387:

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Current Book: "Everydata"
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes Daily"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Followed my morning routine / Got creative / Verbalized my feelings.
Wrote in my journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Feelings for the Day (feelingswheel.com)
Parent: Playful | Free | Exhausted
Partner: Curious | Helpless | Content
Professional: Excited | Anxious | Scared
Person: Worried | Annoyed | Content

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Waking up on my own this morning (not being woken up).
2) The vulnerable talk I had this morning with Wade.
3) Wade felt better after a dizzy spell.
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Last night, we continued watching Luke Cage and he started giving me such a soothing foot rub, it was so nice.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to "Tony Robbins: Being Confident and Overcoming Shyness", where Tony talks about ways to overcome shyness and having self-confidence. Remember, believe you can, and you're halfway there.

This morning, we dropped the little one off at her daycare, then headed down to the mall for our 'exercise' on the drive there and throughout our walk, we listened to BAE's podcast "Ep: 72 Have You Ever Felt...", which was about different feelings that both the SO and PA go through in various stages of recovery/healing. It opened up a lot of conversation for Wade and me, he had numerous questions and I didn't mind answering them. Like, how long after the first D-day did I know he was back 'at it', which was fairly quick, within months really, just not the degree he was doing it. Or why I never confronted him about it, if I was under the impression he was back to PMing back then and I told him - he would have just denied it and gaslight me. It was a great podcast to piggyback off of because it opens up a lot of good questions you can ask each other. Then he began feeling a little light headed and dizzy, so he got some water and we sat for a bit. When we got home, thankfully he felt much better after eating and drinking. Then he had his man's group with Coby from BAE, which I'm sure he will tell me about later on.

In the afternoon, we cleaned the house to ready it for tomorrow, it is Wade's birthday and we have family coming over to celebrate.

On the way to pick up the little one from daycare, one of my newer clients sent me an email about a job she would be sending me on Sat, with an EOD turnaround time on Monday (from me). I was going to just say okay, but Wade told me not to sell myself short and to ask for a rush fee. So, I did and I know he is right, I shouldn't sell myself short, but now I haven't heard back from the client about it and I don't know when I will... so I'm paranoid that after this job, they won't want to work with me anymore because I asked for this fee. So now, I'm going to be on pins and needles ... waiting to hear back, which will kill my mood and I really didn't want to go into his birthday, like this, but I can't help it. I will have to resort to my old ways, turn on those acting skills in order to 'fake it, till you make it'.............

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Loved the way my new dark red yoga pants sat/looked on me.

#Motivational
Tony Robbins: Being Confident and Overcoming Shyness!


#Self-Care
How Tony Robbins Outsmarts Depression


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#Must Watch for Couples Recovery & Healing: "BAE"
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCklkb0y6OVCGA3ZCEYlUOIg
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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
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