[Entry #1] "Background / Intro" This is my second journal .. my first journal is located at this link -- it chronicles my finding NoFap and changing/evolving from Nov 26, 2017 - May 6, 2018. If you want to hear my complete story which started with my DDay on June 1, 2017 .. please start there. (quickest recap possible: married for 21 years; 6 kids; porn addict for the entirety of our marriage; currently doing an in-house separation; marriage restoration/reconciliation very much still up in the air) This is my new journal / this is a new beginning. I didn't relapse / I didn't fall back into my 20+ year addiction of PM'ing .. this new beginning is about a shift in focus => realizing the new me .. I took great thought at what I wanted to name my new journal. And this phrase came to me "Realizing the New Me" -- it sounds so basic, ordinary, maybe even plain. But, if you lookup the definition of the simple word realize: ===================== 1. become fully aware of something as a fact; understand clearly 2. cause something desired or anticipated to happen 3. give actual or physical form to ===================== All three of these definitions fit in their own way: * I want to be fully aware of the new person I am / the new person I am becoming * I SSSOOO desire the new me to be already here, present [I know it is not] * I want to embody this new me, fully and completely .. Whereas my previous journal gravitated towards the ups and downs of my marriage relationship (mostly downs) -- this journal is going to focus more on me, my slow and steady growth, my journey of fully realizing the new me. As of writing this journal, I have been PMO-free for 168 days -- an amazing feat, yet I still feel dazed and confused .. I feel unsure about so many things. My focus has been on my broken marriage. And as much as I want to fix that -- I have to start with myself. Simply being abstinent from PM'ing is not enough; simply reading and helping others on NoFap is not enough. I need to fully come into my own / fully realize the new me --- the independent me ... not the married-husband-in-a-broken-marriage me. DON'T GET ME WRONG => I am not abandoning my marriage / my husbandry. Rather, I am focusing on being a man / a husband my wife wants to be married to. .. I think that is a good enough Intro for right now. I have other thoughts as to format and content breakout. As well as short, medium and long-term goals. But I'll explain those in journal entries the next few days. Onward and upward!