super vagina

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Hopeishe, Jul 17, 2018.

  1. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Sex is not even in the same category as food and water.

    I’m implying that you summarily dismiss the 12-Step program because it isn’t in line with your method of recovery. I know plenty of people who didn’t dismiss 12-Step programs because it wasn’t the path that worked for them. 12-Step programs have a 80 year statistical track record of success. You’re one person. Yet, you are still addicted to something. Perhaps you might consider the 12 steps instead of criticizing them when they work so well for so many people.

    Oh, and BTW, it looks to me as though you are indeed “...powerless...” contrary to what you may claim. If not, then simply declare yourself cured and go on your merry way. But before you leave, I’d really love to know what your magic formula is. Seriously, we would all like to know, forn if it works for you, surely it would work for us too.
     
    33ctf6m8pdpq likes this.
  2. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I concur. Move it off of this thread.
     
  3. 33ctf6m8pdpq

    33ctf6m8pdpq Fapstronaut

    Gold.
     
  4. @Hopeishe, what you just described is abuse..pure and simple, bordering on sexual assault depending on how forceful he got.

    You need to protect yourself ... your husband needs some SERIOUS intervention, beyond just realizing he is a porn addict and recovering from it -- he needs to be changed/reprogrammed from the inside out.
     
    moonesque, Jennica and 33ctf6m8pdpq like this.
  5. Thanks and yes it came from a place of frustration. Look, to people who don't know my story, my husband is the most vanilla guy when it comes to sex. I easily can do vanilla, but I also did everything imaginable to please him. I am adventurous, high drive, willing to experiment and explore. I gave him everything. He turned down lots of my idea's, said I was a "freak" on multiple occasions and said some harsh things. When we would have sex prior to DDAy and I on occasion felt close, I felt it was off, he wasn't there. I was doing everything- in fact, I taught him everything about sex! He truly didn't know how to have sex. He had never done foreplay ever and thought foreplay was stupid when we met. I tried making the mood, having sex whenever, trying anything he asked that was not degrading. Yet, he still was addicted, he still used.

    PA has Nothing To Do With Sex. Porn is an escape, sex is a connection. So I said what I said out of frustration and hurt, and knowing that a lot of SO's fear that they will be blamed and told, "you must not have enough/good enough/adventurous sex, have more and he will be with you," or, "It's just porn, why not watch with him or recreate his fantasy?"

    SO's it's never about our looks, our bedroom skill... it's about a broken person who never learned how to connect and feel emotions and allow another person to truly get to know them. They are scared and running from pain. So no matter how good we act, no matter what we do in the bedroom, no matter what clothes or lingerie we try on to seduce them.... it's never about us. It's about their feelings of inadequacy or feelings of anxiety about being vulnerable and close. Society practically tells men that crying is weak, and anything deemed feminine is bad/weak/gay. (I have nothing against the LGBTQ but I have heard people use "gay" as a slander so many times towards men who show any femininity hence why I put that in there)

    That's not true. Women are strong because they have the guts to face their emotions, at the deep depths, and come back and keep living life. They get through things because they feel emotions, process it, integrate it, and move forward. So SO's, never fall into the false belief that if you changed your looks or tried things in the bedroom that it will solve the PA problem or have them reduce use. Reduction in use isn't worth treating yourself like an object for their pleasure. SO's you are all worth so much more than you know, please don't fall into thinking that your worth is determined by your PA and how they treat/treated you. You are all so strong and brave for standing by the partner who chose to betray you. But standing by them does not mean you have to change yourself. You were good enough before they came along, and if they can't see that because they are in the P fog, then that is their loss.
     
  6. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

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    Very well said and very true! In fact that applies to all addictions, it never has anything to do with the SO. The ball for recovery is squarely with the addict. They are the only one who can change the situation.

    The SO has the choice to stay or go, to support or not support the one in recovery and to of course heal themselves from something they didn't deserve or contribute to but have to suffer through.
     
    AnonymousAnnaXOXO likes this.
  7. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    I wasn't part of AA or any other recover group before I decided to get sober, and never joined one. I've been sober for 2.5 years now.
    Ok, I agree this topic has taken the thread off topic and any further discussion should be in another thread.
     
  8. bulmalovesdota

    bulmalovesdota Fapstronaut

    poor you! say no if you dont want please!
     
  9. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Not every SO feels this way and not every PA acts this way. But this has already been addressed and laid to rest. No one was pissed off. Let's not continue to beat the dead horse.
     
  10. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Your point?
     
  11. noexcuses

    noexcuses Fapstronaut

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    When I read your posts they make me think of gold that has some manure thrown on it. You have something valuable but you make it very unpleasant to reach. I think you would help more people if you left your gold uncovered.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2018
  12. EXPONENTIALLY

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    say what ? I think your husband isn't the only one who has some problem...
     
  13. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    ...probably due to feeling defective.
     
  14. EXPONENTIALLY

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    And your husband might as well "feeling defective"... It's none of my business, but I suggest you talk, listen, learn, trust the LORD's propitiation blood for your salvation (once saved always saved by FAITH, not of works) maybe that will unite you for the better, growing in a common faith.
     
  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    If I hadn't uncovered it, you wouldn't have seen the gold that lies beneath enough to know there was gold there.
     
  16. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Can someone get me a shovel? It's getting deep in here.
     
    mcgrim likes this.
  17. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    lol you guys.

    can anyone teach me how to emotionally detach from husband...?

    right now he is a stranger... and i want to keep it that way.

    how to stop loving someone while being a wife and living under one roof?

    ----+

    i sent this to him and both of our parents... why? because he is giving my a hard time, demanding this and that...and im tired.

    i free __hubby name___ of his promise. He can watch porn and all those sexy women, anytime he wants.



    I wont run away and everything will be like before, that means there's sex and cooking and cleaning the house... except, __hubby__ can stop lying and keeping secrets from me...

    The reason is because i am too tired to love him anymore. And i want to be emotionally detach from him. I dont know for how long.

    I am not longer the obstacle. He can put the blame on me. I dont care. And i will say this again in person in front of both parents.


    ----
    Honestly, i dont want to care anymore. i want to move on.

    and he seemed content with this. He didnt try to console me, resolve conflict. Thats true addict righy there right...?
     
  18. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    im staying married for the kids, at least until im financially independent...


    three year later...or could be 20years latee when the kids all grown up.

    i just want to NOT love and get hurt anymore.
     
    Trappist likes this.
  19. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    This is extremely sad to hear. You might consider talking to a therapist, and possibly getting marriage counseling. You sound very depressed. Here's to hoping for a brighter future. Don't give up. You're stronger than you know.
     
    Hopeishe likes this.
  20. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    dont worry, Jason, im fine actually.
    NOT depressed. sad, grieved...yes.
    anxiety, panick attack -- yes, i had those. But i'm tired and want to NOT care anymore.

    And thank you for your concern :) wishing all the best to you too.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.

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