super vagina

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Hopeishe, Jul 17, 2018.

  1. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    hey guys, i am a SO of a PA.

    Our marriage would have broken if not because of the intervention from both of our parents.

    i was THIS close of filing divorce if my dad had not pleaded me to have that parents meeting.

    My husband has promised in front of them and also had swore in the name of God that he will stop PMO.

    it has been three weeks since he stopped.

    i, on the other hand, have this tiny voice telling me he might one day relapse, and might keep it a secret...like he did three times (breaking promises) before...within our 5 years marriage.

    I have hope that he finally see the damages done to our relationship.

    but also at the same time i am quiet numb and feeling stronger this time.


    If it happens again and he keeps it a secret, i will be okay.

    I will let him crash on his own this timw and cross my finger he will one day realize life and sex is better without porn.

    Guys, i am going to train my vagina to be super vagina...and take care of my diet and exercise to have my optimal gorgeous body shape.

    and i will also be happy no matter what.

    so that if he did went back to PMO, at least he will say "this time i do have an addiction. My wife is superb but i still PMO, so the problem lies in me"


    and i least i can also say, " i am fine. i did my best"


    Just sharing and ranting.. thanks for reading. :)
     
  2. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    thanks, trappist,

    but to be happy and unaffected by the addiction, i would have to be emotionally detached.
    and that could be achieved by ...hmm, i think, emotional cheating.
     
  3. Super vagina - the next marvel movie :D
     
  4. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    lol u get points for trying. The addiction may be more dopaminic than based on sexual pleasure. Porn can be about novelty so sure u being in great shape and having nice sex is good. But u may want to introduce the type of play to the bedroom that revivifies it. Costumes, toys, fun liquids, scenarios etc. Seperate to that he needs to ideally be kept busy and out of the house. And then when he is home let his dopamine needs be filled by food and then interesting sex. Some men are married to wonderful women and they still like porn because well they trained their reward system to respond to it. U need to likely retrain his reward system and accept that he is human so he might mess up BUT u can drastically decrease his opportunity to mess up by keeping him busy and satisfied.

    GL
     
  5. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    Don’t think for a moment that this is your problem or that you can fix him by being more attractive. It’s his issue and he would tell you he still finds you beautiful and appealing.
     
  6. Hopeishe

    Hopeishe Fapstronaut

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    i got better things to do than idol worshipping him.

    lol

    i think i'll play his game: cheating.

    thats how i wont get hurt anymore...when my heart & time is with some other guy.
     
  7. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

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    My wife has been my greatest support, we are learning and growing together to fight this. We are much stronger together. As much pain as we have gone through, surprisingly we are growing more close than we ever were before. I am a very lucky and blessed man.
     
  8. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    This is possibly the worst advice I have ever seen on this forum. "Costumes, toys, fun liquids, scenarios etc".....are you kidding me? Men don't become porn addicts because they are bored. Men become porn addicts because they have issues with real human connection and intimacy.
    Spicing things up in the bedroom is fun for sure, but spicing things up just to keep a man's interest is wrong. That interest will eventually wane if a man is using his partner as a home based dopamine dispenser.
     
  9. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    I often feel this way too.
     
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  10. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    You were very polite! This line of (ass)inine(sic) bullshit wasn't even worth the dignity of any response from me...starting at...well...the very beginning. Incidentally, a vagina, let alone super vagina, has nothing to do with addiction!
     
    Thor god of thunder and Sadgirl like this.
  11. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    Yeah so I am actually quoting a psychiatrist here. There is nothing wrong with having fun in the bedroom. I didnt tell her try bondage or ecstacy.

    Well men become porn addicts for all sorts of reasons. One of which is boredom. Just like people used to think alcoholism and gambling had nothing to do with boredom. Well it turns out if u have idle hands, ur brain will often pick up what its not supposed to , to fill the need and its very dopamine based. thats why when ppl snack even when they arent hungry its often sugary snacks and chocolates. This isnt opinion but an aspect of neuro science and psych.

    If you read what I said entirely I also said men can be married to wonderful women ( meaning very attractive and loving) and still watch porn). U can be addicted for many reasons and it often has little to do with the other person especially if its been for 5 years. And if hes married its also an assumption that he has intimacy issues and all that. I mean if he does its cuz of porn. Thats like saying every woman addicted to chocolate has problems associated with an eating disorder. Like chocolate is cheap, tastes good and is sugary. We dont need to pretend they are eating an emotional hole.

    Anyway I think u read my post in the wrong tone. A wife that wants to spice up the bedroom to help keep her husband needs in check isnt a bad thing. U may be looking at it in a feminist self respect kind of way and thats fine. I am looking at it from whats actually happening. She took a vow to help her partner through for better or for worse. This is worse. And if worse is spicing up the bed room a little to motivate other changes then thats not that bad at all. She can try to be a good wife and do things that arent exactly her job to maintain her relationship. Sometimes thats what marriage is. When u love someone and u take a vow. U make compromises. Like whatever ur getting from porn thats missing in ur life, Maybe i can try to facilitate that a little. And if its not that and u just like to beat ur dick when ur alone with free HQ internet porn like the rest of the planet well instead of demonizing u for it , how about as ur partner i make it so that ur not in a situation to do that.

    When u hit ur breaking point @Hopeishe then u can forget it and leave him to figure it out or separate to show him ur serious or whatever. But till then I applaud ur efforts to be a good wife
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018
    Kenzi likes this.
  12. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    My fear is that those who are uneducated about PA will see @Shinsoo 's post and use it as ammunition towards thier spouses not being "enough" sexually. SOs have so much shame because their partners have rejected them for a fake world, and posts like that are damaging to everyone. PAs YOU CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER WITH PORN OR OTHERS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR PARTNER'S BODY OR SEXUAL ABILITY. It has to do with your intimacy avoidance, immature coping mechanisms, and lack of honesty with your partner.

    SOs YOU CAN'T BE CURVY, SKINNY, BUSTY, FLAT, YOUNG, MILF, BRUNETTE, BLONDE, REDHEAD, SKANKY, CLASSY all at once like a porn session. It just isn't possible. Toys, dress up etc are fun but if not in a context for both partners to enjoy and experiment together then it is you being used. You are worth more than that.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018
  13. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    Thats two sets of criticisms and no solutions. Let's assume i am wrong, provide better alternatives for the sake of a marriage.
     
  14. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    I suggest that you find more current and research based psychologists/therapists to follow. Rob Wiess, Kevin Skinner, Doug Weiss are all good places to start.
    Porn addiction is an intimacy disorder. Playfullness in the bedroom will not prevent it. And if in the context of a commited relationship, people want to play, INCLUDING BONDAGE, and no one is being coerced or doing it out of fear their partner will act out, that is healthy intimacy.
     
  15. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    I
    I never said it had anything to do with her body. Stop projecting please. And I assure you I am very educated on porn addiction and psychology. Do not let my simple suggestion fool you. Also I never said exactly it was related. She said super vagina and attractiveness. I just said in laymans terms keep him away from porn and make sex more fun. You projected and made the extra connections. You are trying to protect the self esteem of someone who doesnt seem to have a problem being more attractive to a husband and trying to protect the subjective perceptions of readers who might get the wrong idea even though you have the wrong idea lol.
     
  16. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    That is not all it is at all. I mean maybe you found a few sites or professionals that see it like that but that is really simple and short-sighted. So all the porn addicts in the world just have an intimacy disorder. Its like saying all alcoholics are actually just depressed. Its simplifying a broad and powerful problem. Anyway no point carrying on this conversation. I wish u well and I hope she works out her marriage and if not at least her husband gets help for his problem. Whether ur advice or mines does that isnt a big deal to me. I am not trying to be right. I am just trying to say its not so simple.
     
  17. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    Not projecting just trying to undo the BS you are perpetuating. Making sex "more fun" won't keep a PA away from porn. To make sex "more fun" stay away from the porn.
     
  18. Moderators: am I allowed to call this poster a fool? Because this is some of the most foolish advice I have seen.

    The thing is @Shinsoo .. I understand what you are saying -- our culture today supports much of what you are saying .... But our culture today also supports porn. These forums do not.

    You seem to support porn:
    "[If] u just like to beat ur dick when ur alone with free HQ internet porn like the rest of the planet well instead of demonizing u for it..."

    That statement of yours is SSSOOO incredibly harmful...and it is obviously how you feel and it underpins all of your points. And simply put: it is wrong.

    ..

    Please take your porn-supporting, if-only-wives-gave-their-husbands-better-sex NONSENSE elsewhere.
     
  19. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    I feel like if u really read what ur saying you would see how ridiculous u actually sound. Making sex more fun can do way more things than keep a guy from watching porn. Like ... are we being for real or not. Like we can do a survey on this forum. Would having better sex with ur gf make you less likely to watch porn?
    How much do you want to bet that majority would say yes. Or when you had great sex with ur wife/gf did you watch porn less? Again if you think the results wont say yes then idk what to say to you. Like maybe you think u have a rigid idea of PA but i dont think u understand men , behavior or the power of sex. Because you know thats what porn is. Easy fake fun accessible sex on a screen. And if you want to believe actual sex doesnt impact that then you are letting your values get in the way of reality.

    But hey, my opinion is bs anyway right so u dont have to change ur opinion. Everything im saying is non sense. Fun sex has no effect on how much you watch porn. K.
     
  20. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

    I'm hearing defensiveness, denial, and addict speak.
    I wonder how long you have been P free? Are you married? In a relationship?
     

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