Life Time sissy

In sports that's called the "bounce of the ball", when something came your way when you had no control over it. Top athletes know that things like this can just happen (and they can go both ways). You don't need to worry about what could have happened because what did happen happened. You won.

Sometimes I like to break clothes down into little bits mentally. That skirt is made of material, that material is made of thread, those threads are made of cotton, cotton is part of a plant. Am I really turned on by bits of plant? Might or might not work for you...

 

WTF!!! Dude, I share many points of your history. I have to confess this shit.

I always liked girls and I still like them. Never liked man in my life.

At age 13 my body was feminine. I wasn't a developed boy. I had big ass, big hips, small upper body. I basically looked like a brazilian bitch. There was one day that I decided to wear leggings. They looked so nice on me. I did my gym classes with my mother leggings and thong. It was good because I felt realy horny and energetic. I noticed that girls and boys were confused because of thinking how can a boy have a hot ass. Surprisingly, no one mocked me because of wearing those clothes.

But when I fapped, I went from horny and energetic to a depressed guy. I stopped to wear such clothes and I tried to become a man. The problem is, in these years (from 15 to 27) my porn has evolved in a stupid way. Full hetero -> lesbian -> transexual (lesbian )-> transexual (man and trans) -> traps and now sissy porn and bbc. I have crossdress in some ocassions, but never showed to anyone like I did before.
I also go to amazon to see girl clothes and I fap imagining myself with them. I never bought one because I don't live alone.
There are times that I would prefer to be a woman because I would love to have a real fem body.

Every time I felt horny, I had the urge to see sissy hypno and bbc. After fapping I have bad thoughts of myself. I fele guillty. I feet that I am not a real man. I feet so ashamed of myself. How can a hetero guy like me watch this kind of stuff.

So I decided to nofap and see if there are results.

 

4 days. I started last monday. Today is going to be the fifth.
You?

 

Yep but every day you're getting strong, they're having less effect on you. You just can't see the forest for the trees at the moment. Keep going one day at a time. Soon you'll be able to look back and see what you've achieved the way I can see it from reading what you write.

 

It makes sense. There is a study (the reference is in the NoFap wikipedia) that shows that the seventh day is the day where testosterone has its peak. Maybe you have reached that point yet.

Yes, I have always been attracted by girls. But never had a gf for obvious reasons. I don't feel like I am worth of having a girl. I don't even know if I go to bed with a girl if I will have an erection. I don't have confidence basically. I have improved my social skills a lot in the last years. But relationship skills are 0.

I don't know if I am bi. When I am horny outside my house, I only look at girls and their clothes like you.
But when I am watching porn, I actully imagine myself as a sissy dominated by man. And that makes me horny...

I have a lot of problems to figure out.

 

This is very funny because I am 27 and you are also 27. And I started to crossdress at 13.
You say you don't feel attracted by girls. Dont you feel nervous or anxious when talking to a hot girl?
Because, the only way I know that I am not gay (or asexual), is because girls intimidate me, girls influence my brain so easily and I am very different when I am around girls. When I am around boys I just don't care it is like they don't have any effect one me.

 

Do you got mocked or "bullied" by girls when you were a kid. Do you got a bad relation with your mother? I got mocked by girls when I was a kid and sometimes during the adolescence. There were girls that told me that I was not a man and they were more man than me.
They liked many boys and showed interest in them. Never showed any interest in me.

These events were all building blocks to grow my intimidation, inferiority and low self esteem with women. Sometmes I think crossdressing and sissy porn has a big effect one me because of my past. Maybe it is a self defense mechanism.
I managed to talk with girls, look them in eyes and so on. But I don't feel condifent to flirt with them, ask their number, or tease them because they still intimidate me. Feeling rejected or mocked by a girl is something that I have to work.

I am attracted by girls. But I feel so not woth of them that I imagine myself and a submitted boy being a sissy dominated by everyone. Unfortunately, that is what makes me more horny.

 

Is is good to know that you actually went to see a therapist.
I have to increase my balls to do that.
Nice to know it went well.