Life Time sissy

That's awesome to hear! Walking everyday is a great plan. Walking is just an all round excellent thing to do for your body as well as your mind.

 

I didn't want to comment on this yesterday as I'm not a therapist but I have to say if it's stuck with you for this long it really must have made a hell of an impact on your six year old mind. I had a similar but different experience at a similar age. I used to wet my pants at school and my father was so embarrassed by it that he'd strip me naked and scream at me "did I want to wear nappies?" That's emotional trauma that can stick with you a long time. I healed my relationship with my father at about the age of 27. It made a huge difference for me mentally. Learning to accept what happened and then looking forward to what I want to happen and what I can do to get there.

Do you know what you want to happen with your life?

 

GReat! You know what you want! Now you need to break it down some. Do you know what you would want in a girl you would want to be in this relationship with? I don't mean the domination stuff that has been ruining your life, I mean the real honest relationship that you want to have. One where you equally share your life and build off things together. What we should be like and better yet, what would she expect in a partner? Because if you can work out what the woman of your dreams wants, then you can come up with a plan to become that man. Giving up porn is part of that definitely but respecting yourself is going to definitely be another. It seems to me that you need to work on your foundations and liking yourself is step number one. Liking myself took a lot of work for me but was the best thing I ever did to get closer to what I want from my life.

 

Got to love yourself first!

Great decision and a great step forward!

Well you just made an improvement by choosing to see a therapist.

And two more improvements.

And another.

And another!

You have lots to be proud of and you've taken lots of steps forward in an incredibly positive direction. Every day you can just ask yourself "did I make today better or worse?". You don't actually have to worry about the long term because if you make every day a little bit better it all adds up, cumulative interest. Keep going, day by day. Worry about the future when it gets here.

 

Great stuff, another step forward. So why not start a new Amazon account? Is there anything attached to that account you do want to keep? I think you can transfer things to another account once if you want. I find it helps to stick as many roadblocks in my way when I'm feeling strong for when I'm feeling weak. I can undo blockers but every thing I have to do will help slow me down and let my rational mind intervene when my irrational mind has taken over. If you delete your old account (or change to a throw away email with a password you don't know so you can't recover it) then it will make it a lot harder to redownload or at minimum get triggered by Amazon!

 

Great! You got this man. You're building your defences, understanding your triggers, finding alternatives and talking about them. That is absolute gold standard first steps and incredibly positive. Be proud!

 

I used to have a similar problem with my first girlfriend probably from the PMO. Every time she held my hand I'd get an uncontrollable erection. I'd have to adjust myself in my jeans so that I could walk comfortably. They good thing was that walking increased bloodflow and provided more distraction and it would soften up enough. It's a spiral when you want to run away and hide when you really need to push through. There's a lot worse things than walking around with an erection. Not many people will notice (if you're wearing supportive enough clothing) and you will get a chance to work through the feelings and the increased blood flow will help.

I'm not religious but someones on your side.

Well done! I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You should be proud of the strength and resilience you're continuing to show.