To those who don't use a filter ... respectfully, WTF

I mentioned that because you asked why not keep the filter, permanently. To me that’s not feasible or desirable in my continued recovery, but if it helps you or others more power to you!

My addiction was so bad I got around filters no matter how they were set up, including even if I didn’t know the password and only my boyfriend created it. It won’t help everyone, but folks should use what they think will help and cut off what doesn’t.

 

This is a raw answer for your question, I'm not in this discussion. For now.

I don't use a filter because life has no filter. There's no telling when a trigger will come up in a film, game, ad, or walking down the street, and I need to be able to handle it instead of blaming triggers. I don't use a filter because I can "lock" down my own device, but I can unlock it again. If I'm switching to "incognito" (which is anything but), I already know I'm wrong. I want to make the decision to not look, not make the decision to look and be stopped by tech. I don't use a filter because I have a perhaps perverse desire to know that *I* am the one controlling myself, not my devices. And last, perhaps the worst reason, I don't have a filter because I don't want to go searching for the right one for me and installing it on my stuff. How about I just not look at porn?

 

Filters are not going to save you and I don't use them. If you rely on filters to stop yourself from acting out, eventually you will find a way to act out again.

I believe that boundaries are much more important than filters.

I am yet to meet a PMO addict stay abstinent long term who still casually browses social media.

Day 135+ of no porn for me. And a year+ since the last binge use of porn.

 

With most filters, I find a way around them. I have never really had any success when using them. What has helped more than anything is having a to-do list. When I have a to-do list I tend to focus on what I need to do during the day and for the most part looking at porn doesn't even enter my mind. I am aware that if I look at it I won't do everything on my to-do list.

 

Do you have a to-do list?

 

I agree with everyone saying that changing your mindset so you don't want to watch porn in the first place is more important than not being able to watch it at all. Sexually suggestive stuff is completely unavoidable and if you get horny enough just seeing a woman out on the street can be enough to set you off. Even if you went and lived in the woods 1000 miles from any people your own brain would start to conjure the fantasies for you. Using filters to fall back on can be helpful, but they shouldn't be relied on.

I also take issue with directly comparing porn to hard drugs. There are some valid similarities but on the whole I think making the comparison often enters into the realm of hyperbole. Porn is horribly addictive and getting over it sucks, but it's NOTHING compared to hard drugs for most people. I was a heavy addict, able to binge so much in such a short time I'm still shocked my body was able to let me, and I was still able to function pretty much normally in society. If I was as addicted to drugs as I was to PMO, I'd be dead.

 

As bad as porn is and even though I was a severe addict and am still suffering its effects, I am absolutely grateful for the fact I never ever tried or was interested in hard drugs, despite being offered some when younger.

That’s not to downplay the seriousness of porn or any addiction for that matter, but if I got into those I’d probably be dead. I’ve read about how hard recovery is for that stuff and how they have to continuously suffer in agony, especially with how bad mental health care usually is in a lot of places…

The most I do is weed, but it’s occasionally and I do it for fun rather than a coping mechanism, a strong urge or a need to.

 

I can relate to that. I've never taken or used anything worse than alcohol, but even my experience with that was somewhat unnerving. I only started having more than the occasional drink at university and very quickly realised I enjoyed being shitfaced way too much. Thankfully it was easy to stop because it was not an ingrained behaviour. I also absolutely believe I'd be at serious risk of sex addiction if I was able to have it often.

It actually is possible to masturbate so much that your heart gives out, but this is unlikely. While PMO is physically and mentally damaging it's not to the same degree as say, heroin. You can ruin your life with PMO but it probably won't kill you.

Honestly I don't like taking any kind of substances of that nature. I'm a bit of a square like that. I can't even take caffeine anymore because it just makes me tired, which is apparently a symptom of neurodivergence.

 

theres only 1 valid reason for not using a filter and thats because you don’t need one. There are no safety nets in life.

 

There are so many ways you can "pornify" non-explicit content. When I was in high school I used to look through my year books to remind myself of the classmates I had crushes on.
The alcoholic may avoid bars but if they're really intent on drinking there are options including the mouthwash.

 

You seem to have a very narrow view of what constitutes someone taking recovery "seriously." It seems like in your eyes, if they don't take the exact same approach as you, then they aren't serious. This is staggeringly arrogant. Your personal experience is not any more or less valid than anyone else's.

I've said before and will say again, I don't use filters because they don't work. They simply do not work. I am too proficient with computers and can always remove them eventually. I can't just stop using my computer - I do all my work on it, I cannot go without it. I've already tossed all non-essential devices but my computer I need to do work so I can make money to live. I guess by your standards I'm not taking recovery seriously? Give me a break.

 

i'm the same as UnholyConfessor; i'm proficient in computers, so if i want to disable a filter, i can and probably will. this is what you said earlier:

and to me and others, a filter is the easy way out. in the short term, the lack of a filter will lead to some relapses, and i understand that. but in the long run, the lack of a filter will build up willpower to say no even when you can access porn.

plus, when you wrote that reply, you completely missed the point of what Meshuga said. it was the same thing when you wrote this reply:

if you didn't want to consider other opinions, you shouldn't have made this thread.

 

You're severely overestimating how useful filtering software is for someone who knows their way around a computer. Filters that require passwords can be easily bypassed by going into the HDD and wiping the source files of the software. Filters that go a step further, and hide themselves, can be bypassed by using the admin functions on Windows. If push came to absolute shove, I can simply perform a fresh install of the OS and any filter software is removed.

You keep making the comparison to other addictions. Well imagine I was an alcoholic and drinks were locked in a safe behind 100 locks, codes, and barriers. Now imagine I could simply blow up the safe with plastic explosives and not even have to deal with any of those things - that's what I am doing when I bypass filters on a computer.

 

OP seems to be completely ignoring this when anyone says it. Filters only work if you're not capable of easily bypassing them. If you are then they are useless and there's no point even bothering with them.

Honestly, if not for OP being a long-time user, I'd have said he's baiting for replies so he can act holier-than-thou over how superior his recovery is to other people. He keeps basically saying he knows us better than we know ourselves, and that only his methods work. He seems incapable of accepting that people disagree with him.