To those who don't use a filter ... respectfully, WTF

some people's reason is because they want to be able to fight off the urge rather than it being fought off for them by the filter. otherwise they'd probably jump at the chance to use someone else's device without the filter to take a peek at more porn. or they might spend every day trying to turn off the filter out of desperation. i know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it applies to a lot of people

 

filter have failed me in the past. I circumvented them.

 

I never tried to use a filter because from what I read about them there are plenty of ways to get around them. Plus I like the thought of conquering the porn addiction without it because as the previous post pointed out, I could just use someone's else device or if I wanted to I could just go buy a cheap laptop and have that for porn only.

 

Thats cool. I never considered the possibility of an accountability partner being notified. But at that point, don't you go buy a different device? Or download porn at the library?

 

I've only ever found one filter that worked, and when the company making it shut down, the software went haywire and nearly broke my computer blocking things at random, making the PC nearly unusable. I had to do a deep system clean to remove it and since then I've been wary of filters. If I can bypass that one, I can bypass anything.

 

I use filters, a lot of filters. My regular devices are about as locked down as they can get. On my PC I have DNS level filtering, a custom hosts file, custom firewall rules and filtering software installed, with admin privileges revoked.

But I could see the argument against them. I constantly find ways around the filters, some new website won't trigger a block, a new software update will break something, etc. Then I have to unlock everything in order to patch the hole / fix things, then I relapse while everything is unlocked.

Even if there were perfect filters on my devices, I could always just run out and buy a cheap router and tablet and I could be porn binging within about 30 minutes.

 

True. A porn filter is definitely a big step in the right direction to get habituated to using porn less. I don’t believe it is the end goal, however. The end goal would be being able to resist porn even when there isn’t a filter?

 

You build up a real willpower only when you are able to stop the addiction by yourself. When you can't surf for porn thanks to the filter, you've basically already submit to your urges, which is the main problem. I prefer to have each time a longer streaks than the previous one. At some point, the urges hits you every time later and later.

 

At best, a blocker is a tactic for the first couple weeks or maybe a month. It can help you get enough distance to start feeling the difference with vs without PMO.

Real recovery happens by learning that PMO doesn't actually make you happy. It makes you feel worse when everything is taken into consideration. It can take a LONG time to learn that - it took me about a year and a half to stop trying to "manage" a "responsible" level of PMO.

Most importantly, you can't learn that unless you actually reset from time to time.

Abstinence is not recovery. Recovery is an internal mental shift that happens from paying attention to how it feels to be captured in a compulsive cycle, versus free of a compulsive cycle.

There have been people here who went nearly to 500 days, or even beyond, but had fragile recoveries. One reset, and they couldn't get back on a solid streak. I'm sad for them.

Maybe you're looking at my counter and thinking "So what happened to you?". After doing several back to back 140+ streaks, I was well past 400 and there was the perfect emotional storm. I went "f*ck it" and reset. "Oh, that sux" and I started the counter over.

Willpower won't take you beyond a few weeks. Judson Brewer, an addiction specialist, talks about offering addicts a "bigger, better offer". When you learn that PMO isn't all that, it's not too hard to find that "bigger, better offer."

-EK

 

Agreed. Access must be controlled for the first 30 days at least. A filter is a roadblock and is better than nothing. We’ll never beat this thing while white knuckling

 

At least you’re learning new sites to block. These relapses help you perfect the block. I’ve gone through the same but now I’ve totally blocked everything

 

You can always try a blocker and see if it works. It never did for me as there was always another device or some way to get around it. If you want to relapse, you will find a way. Of course, if you can avoid triggers then you should if you’re in the initial stage of recovery.

Unfortunately P is absolutely everywhere in various forms so the best solution long term is to be able to see such content and still be in control. If you wanted to you could avoid bars entirely if you are an alcoholic, sadly its not the same as a P addict.

 

Hello. A person who is addicted to porn does not stop her from watching her favorite porn with any filter. I installed filters, wiped Windows, but everything returned to viewing. I went 97 days without porn and without filters, and what helped was that I believed in myself and said to myself that I am worth more. Porn took my best years from me. The main thing is to believe in myself and make many attempts on the way to recovery and everything will work out. Relapse is not the end, it is, on the contrary, the beginning, it makes us understand what we did wrong and fix it.