The Women in Porn Videos are Too Attractive

Lot of truth in what you write. I feel like God fills up my life where it is empty. People and things always left me slightly unsatisfied. It was getting clear of dopamine where the emptiness and need subsided.

 

@LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Well in this case religion can do wonders. I have no faith, that is I am raised without religion and see myself as a atheist or agnostic which I am fairly happy about. However I do love the old pagan traditions and I am trying to connect more to nature and just our place in the world. It humbles you and makes you feel like a part of something bigger. I do like buddhism in the way that it's focused on bettering yourself and not praying to something external in many cases. We are our own power, but we are not our body and not our mind, we are something else. Porn is a manifestation of the flesh but love and sex is something more when it comes to connection with feelings.

 

I am Christian so I have a whole other set of beliefs, but I don't talk much about it on here. Few people understand it.

Anyway, I used to think that sex was a spiritually transcendent experience, but since rebooting, all it is for me is a bodily function. An optional bodily function.

Love, what is it? My theory is that when attraction and compatibility intersect, that's love. But without the sex factor, what is the use of attraction? Definitely I have a lot less attraction than before. I've been rebooting since 2018. There's been a ton of streaks, but 3 long reboots on hard mode.

I guess it just took it out of me, that untamed desire. That's ok, there's a lot more freedom now.

Freedom is better.

 

Me neither. TBH I was shocked that so many guys in this forum hated them when I first joined. I mean I judged porn stars and those who consumed porn before I started looking at it, but after looking at it I came to the conclusion that I was no better than the people who make it. We're all different and for some, they react with hatred.

On the subject of this thread, I don't find women in porn too attractive. In fact, I find some rather unattractive. It might be true of porn made before 2017 but a lot of women in porn seem rather normal to me. I find women irl to be just as attractive as porn stars

I find the idea of life is suffering in Buddhism to be helpful. I think the trouble is so many of us are fighting suffering and maybe that's why we have the troubles we have. Maybe if we accept everything that comes with living a life including all the suffering we will be able to live a full life.

 

I agree, women in porn are not too attractive. Especially not if you look at amatuer porn. However women in general are attractive, we are men, let's not lie to each other and this is how it should be but.. there is a fine line between attraction and being a slave to watching porn. Some days are harder than others, I find days when I am alone, missing that closeness and meaning in my life hardest. Also very few friends does not really help. How do you guys cope if you are in the same situation?

 

Yes I am in a similar situation. At first, I was always lonely and I cried a lot. I came to accept it after a few years. Getting a date or making new friends felt so futile.

So how did I cope? I work a lot, and I got off of social media. At home I am doing things, I don't sit around and pine after people. I am hardly a distant memory to them. I practice keyboard, do two workouts, and if the anxiety builds up and time allows, I might walk somewhere, like a mall or downtown.

But I am not lonely when I am alone anymore. That's the problem. I'm not lonely and chasing people around has had such scant results. There's no motivation to change it right now.

 

Once you begin to break free from this addiction and heal your brain, you will realize that they actually aren't as attractive as you once thought they were. My brain has healed tremendously in the three years that I've been doing NoFap, and when I think back on some of the women in videos that I used to find attractive, I realize that they look so artificial. I would even go so far as to say that some of the ones who have undergone multiple plastic surgeries and wear an unnatural amount of makeup look kind of creepy and have an uncanny-valley quality about them that I now find to be very off-putting. And don't forget about how many of them look so lifeless and empty; a lot of them are drug addicts who are being exploited. The more my brain heals, the more I am able to see the appeal in the natural beauty of ordinary women.

I can assure you that this is just your addicted brain trying to convince you that these women are genuinely attractive so you will keep returning to the videos for cheap and easy dopamine thrills. Never underestimate the conniving ways of the addicted brain and the tricks it will try to pull when it's going through a rough withdrawal patch; it really tried to pull some sly shit on me in my early days of abstinence.

 

Yes, I agree. I live in Nashville, and women around here cake on the make up. I hate it.

About the conniving ways of the brain, Gary Wilson said that it is trying to make new pathways. That's why sometimes you get deeper in the reboot, and the cravings suddenly get harsh.

 

I would suggest that when you feel lonely, think about how you can help others that might be lonely as well. (e.g. volunteer your time at a senior center. Many seniors may have few friends and you could brighten their day). You could also do something as simple as reaching out on social media (let's say facebook), and just say hi to some old acquaintance - just check in on them. (I'm assuming you have some acquaintances on FB or other social media platforms).

 

Is this guy for real, suggesting people get on social media?

 

Again, the assumption is you have some acquaintances you could say hi to. If things on certain types of social media trigger you, then obviously avoid that.

 

Well I am on social media but I avoid fb, mostly use instagram now and then, avoiding the things that lead to porn. I mainly don't use social media that much because I find most things posted there very uninteresting and uninspiring.
But I do have a problem passing time alone. I have hobbies, and I work out/take walks but still find weekends all alone something that is painful. I guess I am a quite social person, and I do miss having someone to do things with. That being said I am also very happy alone at times. It's not so much that I always need company as much as I would like company now and then to be happier. It would be something positive for my life I think. Routines are good and keeping a journal. Meditation and physical training.

About the topic. I am not sure about how many women I watched that are actual drug addicts, I would like to see som hard facts on amateur-porn and drugs to be convinced they do it for drugs but anyhow, it's still the same addiction from our end regardless if they are on drugs or not.

 

Maybe you could find some events near you on Meetup or enrol on a course. I enrolled on a part-time course at a university and it keeps me occupied for the most part.

 

Tbh I have tried that but once I get home I have no more energy, I try to workout a few days a week, alone with my music, anger and frustration. I have studied a lot before but with a full time job I just don't feel I have the time or energy. Meetup I tried but in my town it was almost nothing happening unfortunately :/