My situation - apologies if this turns into a long post

Kind of off topic (if I can be off-topic in my own journal!)
I know many of those reading this are from the USA. I've just returned from the London Podcast Festival where I had been to see Benjamen Walker (Theory of Everything) and Nate Dimeo (The Memory Palace). I went wearing my 99% Invisible T-shirt. All three are brilliant podcasts made in the USA and I can thoroughly recommend them. It was great to see Benjamen Walker and Nate Dimeo live on this side of the Atlantic.

ANH

 

No great developments to report. No letter from my wife but I am not feeling resentful about that. We are getting on very well and I feel close to her emotionally, which to me is even more important than the sex. The worst thing about not making love for me is not that I don't get to O, but that I don't get the physical reinforcement of our emotional connection. Today I will be dropping our daughter off for an activity with her friends and that means my wife and I will have the rare treat of four hours alone in the house together. That might be an opportunity to make love, or just to enjoy being primarily a couple instead of parents. Either way it should be a good time.

Today is day 90 for me, so time for a little reflection on the journey I am on.

• Very proud to have made it this far, to this milestone, without a single relapse.
• I feel very happy to have put porn behind me and cannot imagine ever going back to it.
• I am grateful for the insight that you wonderful NoFap people have given me into the damage that porn does to PAs and SOs alike. That insight constantly strengthens my resolve not to relapse.
• I am also much more self-aware and conscious of potential triggers and unhelpful thought patterns, and I know that day 90 is but the first milestone. I am a recovering addict and will need to keep working to stay clean and healthy.
• I am also very grateful to @Kenzi for our private conversation that helped me, possibly for the first time, to accept and be comfortable with some aspects of my sexuality.

So in summary: I feel great!! Thanks to all of you who have helped and encouraged me to rediscover the real me.

ANH

 

Aw shucks! <blushes>

 

A quick update. We did take the opportunity to make love and it was wonderfully passionate and briefly comical. (Comical because the window cleaners turned up in the middle of the action and we had to do a dash from one bedroom to another to avoid being seen! Exhibitionism isn't our thing!)

So a great way to celebrate 90 days - right up there with balloons and cake with @Kenzi and the rest of you wonderful people!

ANH

 

The biggest change is that I feel so much more focused on my wife - sexually yes, but also in the rest of the relationship. Urges to look elsewhere (P, P-subs, ogling) have all diminished, but not disappeared completely - I haven't changed from PA into a saint overnight! The sense of shame has also gone. I feel I am now being true to myself as well as honest with my wife.

ANH