My husband is a porn addict.

@Letsrun123
(VR) headset for porn takes you into the room with a porn star plenty of articles about it on katoku.com and jezebel.com it's even more addicting than regular high speed porn I am still broken up over this and lies upon lies ..

 

I was with him for 5 years I found out about his porn in January when we started to live together ..

 

If he's willing to stop give him a chance. It sounds like he is from what I read.
Now, if he does it half ass and is lying about not using then it's time for extremes.

 

No. No to this whole thing. Bollocks. The lot of it.

No woman is responsible for a man's actions or choices. No woman is accountable in anyway for his afflictions. No words she utters, no changes she makes, no challenges she may represent.

She is not responsible to "change lives". It is not her job to be his savior.

It's her right to expect the same love she gives. It's owed to her to receive the same respect she provides.

This self serving, "oh woe is me, I need to be saved" arsery is the very rubbish that got most self pitying shits here to begin with!

 

I never forced anything on you. In my post,all I said was of my perspective.I even mentioned it a couple of times by saying " in my opinion" , " to me" , "If 'I' was in your place". And I'm pretty sure we're allowed to express ourselves and our opinions of the problems.Constructive Criticism is allowed.I'm still sorry though,being young,I might not have realised how it might have affected you.I deleted the post so that no one can read those. I'm sorry,and I'm getting out of this thread.

But still,To me, This thread will always remain as a shame on Alexander's remarks about Nofap: we’re happy that our forums include voices from all over the world, from many different age groups, and include the perspectives of various sexual orientations and genders. With more voices, our community only becomes stronger and more supportive, and that means a better chance at success for all our users.

 

From what I've read it's not the truth that he's being punished for, it's the dishonesty. Yes, the truth hurts and you were willing to move forward as long as there was honesty. One simple ground rule. When that rule was broken then there had to be consequences. The second round of truths hurt but the dishonesty felt like a betrayal. Right? Many wives here understand that their husbands are not nor will they ever be perfect, but if someone cannot be honest then that's a dealbreaker. Any parent knows that if you give your children a rule and they break it then there has to be a consequence or they will never respect you. And since the betrayal was personal then you justly have the right to be angry. While burying him with your feelings can discourage, a lot of times it cuts through the cloudy, hazy thinking that addicts live in and can act as a motivator in someone with a good heart.

In a relationship that includes an addict if you shield that person from the consequences of their actions then it's a form of codependency. To stand by your husband as he fights to get better is love. To stand by your husband as he lies or minimizes his actions is misplaced loyalty.

Your husband has a lot of work to do to regain your trust. Trust is based on concrete actions that give you faith that he will look out for your best interests. So far you have a handful of promises. That may earn him a reprieve but actions will speak louder than words.

 

Lol... You're cracking me.up...
Breathe woman!! F bombs are sentence enhancers!

 

@Letsrun123
My ex fiance' porn addiction put me through so much stress I lost weight and now I look gaunt I smoke ciggs like crazy I hate the wake this whole situation left me in .. My therapist doesn't want me to communicate with him because he thinks it's OK to lust over beautiful naked woman all day and night .. I am trying still to cope and I'm not even interested in dating .. why ? I see too many negatives no positives .. way too many addicts on their phones and laptops .. sorry if I sound bitter but I am

 

This. All of it. Bravo, mate!

You have your dignity and self respect, Letsrun. You must retain this or it becomes an affliction of two instead of one.

It's upon him now to clean the mess of his life.

Through it all, no matter what the result, remember a few key things that will help you hold tight to yourself and your clarity:
You did not cause this.
You cannot fix this.
It is not a reflection upon you in any fashion.
This doesn't belong to you.

I know this is much easier said than done, but look after youself and the little one. Pamper youself a bit. Ensure you keep your head up. I watched my SO drop too many pounds not eating over this mess. She just shut down for a time. Take care of you.

 

I'm 22 and my ex was my first love and everything !! He thinks still to this day because it all still works for him that it's not a problem .. Nothing against me he would tell me it is normal to look and fantasy is natural .. I still read mixed reviews on men and porn some say it's OK like in moderation .. All I know it hurt me and still hurts .. My ex wants me to love him 100% I just cannot love his addict side .. I am getting older and porn is filled with young beautiful woman all over the world .. I can't just sit back and be alright go have pretend time while I watch TV .. I want a normal relationship .. Not a relationship where I feel insecure and filled with worry .. I hope your husband reads my journal .. I was together but very alone in that relationship ..

 

For me it was more like it ripped the scab off the wound--the one he was trying to heal--and pouring salt in it.

 

I admire your fight for a decent, proper and loving family. I also concur with everything @i_wanna_get_better1 has written. Specifically this.

 

What PMO is to Me

My husband WAS in hell.
You made him feel worthless,
You stole his time,
You stole my life,
You stole my confidence,
You stole my lover,
You stole my home,
You stole my children's father.
You objectify women,
You make sex violent instead of loving,
I feel violated,
I feel heartbroken,
I feel like a victim.
When I see him looking at a screen I feel like you are here,
You make me cry,
I don't feel safe.
I didn't even get the dopamine rush,
I AM in hell

One thing PMO will never take from me: hope