Ladies only

Sending a picture to another human being is worse than engaging in solo fantasising and M. For imeither partner to do. P is a recording of a sex act that is gotten off to as a solo act. Sexual interaction between two people is worse than P use regardless of whether orgasm is reached.

 

Okay, then what about this example..

Let's say there was a porn chat group (which yes I've seen guys be apart of those groups where they share porn to each other it was sick). Say your gf is a part of a chat group where porn is shared, it's pre-recorded sex, but it's sex of people maybe she knows. It's just porn though and she checks that group daily and uses that to get off. Thoughts?

 

Or what about using a prerecorded video of both of you having sex?

 

This example creates two equivalent scenarios, sure, both of them hurtful. I am not arguing that P use is not a betrayal, but rather that involving another human in a direct interaction is more severe than using material as a stimulus for excitement. Humans make the P just as humans manufacture vibrators. Again the analogy there is flawed as P involves lusting after people outside of the relationship, where using a vibrator does not imply or require this (still a possibility though).

 

Im not sure what you are asking here?

 

Are you suggesting the use of homemade P as a better alternative to p use or asking how I would feel if the female partner was to send out videos to random men? If the first interpretation of your question is what you are asking then I would say any betrayal there is minimal. P use is clearly worse than getting off to your own partner and/or experiences. If u are meaning my second interpretation of the question then tobsend a video of the two members of a couple to someone outside of the relationship is worse than just nudes, if the other member of the relationship has not consented to this. It is illegal and a betrayal of their privacy as well as an emotional betrayal by interacting sexually with someone outside of the relationship.

 

Do you have any idea how many girls in porn aren't of consenting age?
Just curious

 

It's really a question of who you are, where you are and what you are looking at
Then it's relationship standards.
Boundaries.
A whole mess of shit.
Maybe for you, it's one scenario... However I feel like you cannot blanket people into a whole lot.
And yes, sending a video is beyond consent if you didn't know it was sent.
However, if she sent a video of herself to someone else, she does not need your consent for her body in the relationship if the boundaries aren't defined that way.
Especially if you are looking at porn because both are counts, by today's definition, of cyber infidelity....
And that would be a double standard

 

And to note, in a relationship... It's not what you think is cheating


It's what your partner thinks is cheating, that's where you are when it comes having a relationship and meeting in the middle ground.

This goes both ways

So you shouldn't have a problem with our definitions.
We aren't in a relationship with you.

This is why boundaries conversations are important.
If you are uncomfortable with this, I'd have a talk with your SO.

MAYBE you guys have some things to clear up.
Before one of you crosses a line you didn't know was there to cross in the first place
.
.

 

I'm just trying to clarify my stance. Interaction is the deal-breaker for me. The boundary if you will. I could understand if my wife used porn of some sort to get off and (before nofap etc) i would have forgiven it. I sort of expected it, and when she told me in the past she doesnt use P I rationalised that as she doesn't enjoy it and isnt able to get off on it, rather than she is choosing to be faithful to me. That and telling myself her sex drive is less than mine. I still believe that if she found porn as compelling as me and just as easy to get off to then she would probably have used it too. She doesnt, her view is that to use p is a betrayal, and so I have quit. Her sex drive can certainly keep up with mine (mostly) when I put in the time and effort to meet her needs in terms of turning her on etc. I think the reason a lot more guys getoff on porn is because it is a lot easier for guys to reach O and that they are more inclined to be able to approach M as a totally non-emotional thing. Hence the relative lack of concern if she were to M to P as opposed to sending someone a picture of herself.

Is this explanation helpful at all? Sorry to hijack what was started as a women only thread.

 

@Kenzi That was such a sad video to watch but so important to watch!

 

I think my wife would agree with me about whether sending nudes or pmo was worse.

 

No its all good.
I also think sex and love aren't always connected
But fidelity is about trust and loyalty
Also separate

 

That's all that matters then

 

This entire thread is splitting hairs. You start a real slippery slope when you divide things up and say this is okay but that isn't. It's like you are intentionally looking for loopholes to wander away from your significant other instead of finding reasons to bring the two of you together. It's not about jealousy. It's about love and respect. The steadfast rule should always be that anything that takes your attention away from your partner, and places it on someone else, is harmful to your relationship. Put whatever kind of label you want on it. It should all be off limits.

 

Yeah, nobody is disagreeing with you.
We are all trying to make a point.
The point, end result whatever, is the same.
Whatever is best in each relationship will be different.
On the forums it's tough because we all sometimes argue the same point while speaking different languages.
It's all good.

 

The type of attention is of importance too. It is hardly a betrayal to spend quarter of an hour on the phone to another family member as it is to have any lust-motivated attention diversion. You can't expect to have your SO's attention 24/7. Oh wait, I hear the sound of a hair splitting, my bad...

 

Lol

 

no. ladies too fantasise on sexy males. Hello. but p is wrong and ruins relationships and it makes them perverted. i consider cheating kissing or having sex with someone else. i am a girl

 

This isn't applicable to my situation but your analysis was thought provoking to me all the same. Thank you for sharing your explanation.