Has anyone here gotten to the point where they tried cuckolding?

Yeah, it's been an odd fantasy of mine as well, and I think it stems from low self-esteem. That somehow the size and capabilities of your junk is equal to your worth as a man. Even though I know that this is the issue, I cannot for the life of me get it out of my head. I'm 31 now and I really want to turn things around.

I hope the best for you as well.

 

Guys...I want you to listen up and pay attention very carefully. Ask your wives. Ask your girlfriends. Ask anyone with a vagina.

WE DO NOT CARE HOW BIG YOUR PENIS IS!

That is strictly a male ego thing. I think I can speak for all women on this matter because I know of not a single one who ever really cared. It matters much more what you do with it and yourself. We want connection. Not size.

 

No, I haven’t done it. I have looked into the entire phenomenon, though, and it seems it’s an escalation of P in many ways. It’s fake and the fetish is rooted in unrealistic expectations,and women aren’t actually into it. I could explain in detail if you like, but it’s basically just another male fantasy that doesn’t deliver and destroys your soul while making you into a pathetic punk loser.

 

I think it's an escalation from porn not getting the same excitement as it used to. I know it is for me. I think actually doing it would be a huge let down and may even cause problems in my relationship. I like the idea of my wife being overwhelmed with passion from multiple guys, but I don't think she feels the same way. I definitely think it stems from low self-esteem and I'm hoping that gets better if I can ever put some days of no PM together. I can relate and I feel for you.

 

i don't have 85 days i need to reset that.

 

I have read accounts of people who tried it in real life and had a very negative experience. If you actually have an intimate relationship with the girl and you actually have feelings for her, you are probably not going to react the same way as you do to cuckold porn or your fantasies.

 

I’ve had a few women tell me that mine is just too small (4.5 inches when fully erect) and I’ve heard quite a few say that size doesn’t really matter … as long as it’s not too small.

@superstorm250 I have been cuckolded a few times, against my wishes, by several past girlfriends and when it happened it really hurt.

But … I coped with the pain by masturbating and have been masturbating to those memories (and fantasies of what could have been if I had stayed with them) ever since.

Since then, I had one girlfriend who would have sex with her ex about once a month. I accepted that. It wasn’t upsetting. It wasn’t threatening as I wasn’t afraid of her going back to him (she was clear that she was only doing it for the sex). It did turn me on to think about it (though maybe it would have been very different if I had actually met him).

And yes … it was a relief for me to know that she was getting her sexual needs met. I often struggle with feeling like I’m not giving enough sexual pleasure. It really took the pressure off of me!

 

I'm not judging you. I'm not judging the women in your life. But that's pretty fucking shallow if you ask me. However consider this. If you were doing your job and by that I mean abstaining from PMO do you think they would have sought what they were looking for elsewhere? My husband suffered from ED but his tongue wasn't broken. We became very creative. I'm sure it was because of his porn use. It's not a problem anymore.

Any of us can get our sexual needs met. But sex isn't a need. It is a desire. All we have to do is masturbate like you do. Don't you guys get it? It's not the sexual needs we need met. It goes way beyond sex into the depths of romance and intimacy. We need that love and affection and belonging and connection. That's what we need. Any of us can get our rocks off just like you.

Not trying to pick on you @+TenPercent. But I do hope you boys get the picture.

 

I LOVE how frank and direct you are!!

It’s absolutely true. Some of those things which happened to me were unfortunate, but porn and masturbation definitely played a part. As I got older, I’m sure it played a really big part! I was addicted to having sex with my hand, and my excessive use of porn probably ate at them in ways that I can’t imagine. In my mind, I was the one who was cheating! With all sorts of fake women. Some of them had never cheated before … perhaps I drove them to it??

As far back as my early teens, shortly after I started masturbating, I had fantasies of getting caught and punished for it.

Deep down, I knew it was wrong. Part of me felt I deserved to be cuckolded. It felt right. But instead of changing my behavior, I tried to control and enjoy what I feared by masturbating to my cuckold fantasies.

On a related note - it’s certainly not lost on me that the vast majority of guys who get cucked or develop fantasies of it really do have smaller penises and are lacking in more masculine traits. Is this really a coincidence?? Maybe guys with less testosterone are just more likely to fall into the porn trap and are less likely to break free from it?

 

I think we agree that this is a safer and more compassionate alternative to cheating.
But, as an addict, I have to look at masturbation as the dubious luxury of other men and women.
What started as a method to overcome spontaneous ejaculation during stressful times (like exams and sporting competitions) and premature ejaculation turned into an addiction and a compulsion for me.

Even with a girlfriend, choosing to masturbate once turned into a 9 month porn relapse.

Later, in an attempt to break out of flatline, I masturbated to get things fired up again. It worked!! But next thing you know, even without relapsing on porn this time, I was constantly trying to figure out how many wanks I could squeeze in and still have sex with my gf about twice a month.

That did not work. The only thing that works for me is not masturbating. Sorry if this is TMI, but currently at 52 days without masturbation or orgasm and I was able to maintain a solid erection for a good 30 minutes of non-orgasmic, intensely satisfying (karezza) love-making.

 

As our counselor always says "I would never pretend to tell anyone what or how to think" I can tell you that this idea of yours is wrongful thinking. I think he used the term "mindlessness". I can't speak for all women but I can speak for most of us I think. We do not and I repeat do not care so much for the freedom to have sex with whoever we want. We care to have sex only with the one person that is our partner that we want. I also think that PMO has so clouded your judgement on this matter because nobody in their functional right mind would want their partner fucking somebody else. Reread what I said above. We want intimacy. We want love. We want belonging. We want connection. For without it we have nothing. When you find women who are going out for sex and sex alone trust me there are deep seated wounds behind it driving it. Any of my friends who have cheated on their husbands have done so solely because their husbands abused them in one way or another. It doesn't excuse them for it but it sure as hell explains a lot. And bigger is better? Try better is bigger! I hope you understand that difference in philosophy.

 

@superstorm250
The way you’re talking about @+TenPercent ’s experience makes it look like you’re seeking spank material, not looking for the truth behind the fetish. Another bit I find interesting

This statement shows you are getting way, way ahead of yourself. You’re fantasizing about sharing a girlfriend you don’t even have, and why? Because you think it’s hot and you justify it by thinking she, this person who only exists in your imagination, would be into it. I want you to focus on what @happenstance says here.

This statement echoes those I have found from women speaking candidly about their sexual preferences, both outside and inside of the cuck fetish. There’s lots of porn in the form of videos, erotica, captions, message board stories, and online “confessions,” that suggest women are into it, for the exact reasons you state, and they’re all written by men. I know because I’ve studied fiction, I write fiction, I know the words, the phrasing, the style of fiction when I see it. Real women who have been asked to do this by their husbands or boyfriends, men who have sucked themselves into the deceit of porn, do it to “save” their marriage and they hate it.

I say again, for emphasis; real women hate the cuck lifestyle.

They aren’t liberated to have sex with whoever they want. They find they have to submit to sex with a man they don’t want in order to get to have sex with the one they do want, and they don’t enjoy it.

This doesn’t make sense to you or me. Some say it’s rooted in biological reproduction strategies, others propose it’s purely a cultural construct, but you and I are constantly bombarded with the messaging that the best men have a lot of sex with a lot of different women. We’re also told, with increasing frequency and vehemence, that women and men are virtually the same, that it is natural that we want the same things. It’s so baked into our culture we just take it for granted, despite obvious differences but that’s a different rant. So, there is a kind and helpful side of you and I that thinks, if I want to sleep with a large variety of high quality partners, women must want the same thing, so the progressive, liberated thing to do would be to allow her to do that. Aren’t I such a great guy? The problem is, you and I came to this conclusion by listening to pop culture and listening to porn, and porn is a liar. Instead you should listen to women. What do they actually want? Again, look at happenstance’s statement. Ask your sister, ask your mom, ask your coworkers or fellow students. Be careful how you frame it so you don’t come off as a creep, and make sure they know they don’t have to answer because it’s a pretty personal question, but you’ll find most of them don’t want casual sex with a lot of partners. They want an intimate relationship with one partner, and again it could be rooted in biological reproduction strategy or it could be a cultural construct, but it doesn’t matter. Listen to them.

Do you know when cuck porn went mainstream? There’s always been strange guys who were into it, but they were such a small minority the porn industry didn’t even carry that genre. Want to know when it got its own recognized genre? Late 2000’s, when Internet porn had been mainstream a couple years. Ask any Gen Xer, who grew up and solidified their sexuality before the Internet and they’ll tell you; sharing a woman with another partner, especially one who can please her better than you, is absolutely bonkers. It’s a weird, unnatural thing to be into. This is a culture wide shift, a fetish driven by escalation in addiction.

There’s debate about why, and I think there are two reasons working in concert with one another. One is what has been already covered in this post, the belief that women most want a lot of orgasmic sex with huge penises, but even this is a lie driven by porn. The entire belief that women like big dick, was made independent of women. Again, ask them and they’ll tell you. Happenstance has already said it, we hear “size doesn’t matter” all the time, but we don’t believe them and why? Because we believe our eyes, and we’ve watched too much porn. The bigger the equipment, the louder the ladies in the clip scream (another lie porn tells us; you can tell how much a woman is enjoying sex by how loud she is during). We hear “size doesn’t matter” and we think women are lying to us to make us feel better, but why would they do that? Listen to them, and if you don’t, listen to science. All the nerve centers that get stoked during intercourse are external, or just a few inches inside. Longer doesn’t reach a new pleasure center inferior men simply cannot reach, and thicker doesn’t press harder either, at least not in a good way. The vagina is a cool structure, it can stretch as big as it needs to (child birth yo), but it’s resting size is smaller than your penis and it has a range where the stretch is comfortable when they are aroused, and then it gets to be too much and it isn’t pleasant. Most porn is done with a penis on the large side of comfortable, or straight up too big. Know why? Porn. Big dick was NEVER spoken about positively in literature until AFTER the advent of the camera. It photographs better. That’s it. Look at sculptures of Greek and Roman gods, hyper-idealized symbols of masculinity. Pay special attention to Eros or Cupid (not baby Cupid, that’s just weird I don’t know where that came from), he’s the god of erotic sex. Look at Michelangelo’s “David” statue, infamous for the subject’s tiny dick. They’re all like that. In literature, if big penis is even mentioned, it’s to mock or express disgust. Maybe it’s time to listen to women, to scientists, and to the historical record instead of porn, which we know lies to us anyway. Size does not, in fact, matter. Intimate connection is what matters.

The second half of why cuck porn suddenly became a thing is right here

The crazy thing here is that, not only has porn required your brain to associate shame, humiliation, and a deeply ingrained belief that you will never be adequate to satisfy any woman (based on something out of your control!), it has conditioned you to enjoy porn more than sex. This is insane. It’s easy to understand that men use porn more than real sex based on availability, but to find that men begin to prefer porn over sex is so crazy, most women cannot even grasp the concept. It is incredibly hurtful to them to learn you would rather watch her than be with her. You turn her into just another porn star, it’s the ultimate act of objectification. Far from liberating your theoretical girlfriend to enjoy the sexual lifestyle she wants, the most likely outcome is deeply insulting to her and harmful to the relationship, and it ironically turns you, the one who is getting off on humiliation, into the dom, pimping out your woman to a man she’d rather not touch or be touched by.

If you’re going to be a loser, at least be a nice one and if you’re going to be a bastard, you might as well be magnificent about it. This fetish turns you into a pathetic asshole, and that’s the worst kind.

 

The real story.
Two friends of mine (a couple) tried this. The result was awful. She fell in love with the Bull and divorced her husband (by that time they had 3 years old kid). Ex-husband was depressed very much, tried to suicide, and spent several months at a clinic. After that, he found a boyfriend and started homosexual life.
Ex-wife and her Bull had a boy. They lived together for around 3 years or so. After that, he left her with two kids. She was desperate, did not have money to live with two kids.

Before they started cuckolding they were an excellent couple with a beautiful daughter...
Do not even try guys...

Al the best

 

Lots of good feedback here. I'm particularly proud of @Meshuga.

@Sol79 gave you a real world example. Suffice it to say I think he's right. Cuckolding has never ended well for anyone who has tried it. It devastates everyone involved and in this example left innocent children in the wake of their destructive shit storm of a sexual encounter. Don't do this. Seriously just don't.

 

There is some truth in what @Meshuga and others have shared, but much is presented as a one sided argument against cuckoldry. Now for the other side …
I’ve read statistics that 40% of married women will have at least one sexual affair and that, in the US, 10% of children born were not sired by the man listed on the birth certificate. Why would there be such a thing as paternity tests if female fidelity was a sure thing?
I wasn’t cuckolded because I had some porn induced fetish for it and I certainly didn’t pressure any of these girlfriends into it!

Evolutionary studies show that women are wired to have sex with multiple partners when they are ovulating … but they are also wired for monogamy (especially when not ovulating). Most female infidelity happens when they are ovulating. Studies of penis size preference shows that women prefer larger than average penises and slightly larger than that for a one night stand. Women aren’t dumb. They’re biologically wired to prefer certain kinds of men for one time lovers and a different kind of man to be a husband and help raise the children.

Why do some women cheat (and some men) but not all? It’s much more nuanced than these statements that all women want the same thing and that’s what they want all the time. Sheesh!
And there’s also the risk factor. A woman (or man) who gets caught may face serious consequences! A lot of factors goes into that decision. A woman with a weak husband might be willing to risk it, while a woman with a dominant husband would never dare.

Imagine a world before cell phone tracking, paternity tests and multiple options for contraception … we’re wired to suspect our partners. There is no such thing as paternal certainty. One method to increase the likelihood of offspring being your own is to have regular sex with your partner. These sperm deposits actually help block semen from an interloper … though it’s much less effective if he has a longer, thicker penis. His penis would remove yours with the mushroom shaped head and the thrusting action and then it would deposit his semen even closer to her cervix, thus leaving his semen largely out of reach of your shorter penis.
A man with a large penis would not feel as threatened if he suspected his partner of cheating. He might be more angry than anything.
**But, for some men, it is the most natural thing in the world to get aroused when they suspect their female partner of cheating.** The sooner he can have sex with her, the better his chances of replacing the other man’s semen with his own! And the more aroused he is, the deeper he’ll penetrate and the more semen that will be delivered. Furthermore, it makes sense tha a mine might also feel a strong desire to give her oral - so that he might see, smell or taste any evidence of potential infidelity.

@superstorm250 - I can’t tell you how ashamed I felt when I got aroused by these experiences and masturbated compulsively in response. But it’s much more complicated than all bad or all good. It helped me to see that there were tens of thousand of other men with similar experiences (this was in the nineties and early 2000’s @Meshuga and I have a book on cuckolding from the 1930’s …) and arousal responses and a lot of therapy to help me accept that much of what I experienced was a natural, biologically driven response.

 

A wise woman once wrote that our genes don’t care about our happiness- they only care about their own survival … i.e. reproductive success. From that standpoint- the standpoint of our biological drives, it doesn’t matter if we live to see our grandchildren be born, it just matters that we have them (and the more the better!)

For a male, the best reproductive strategy is to fornicate with as many women as possible balanced with self awareness of their limitations. For a strong (or otherwise powerful) man with a big dick - having sex with lots of women will yield the most offspring, and even better if you can cuckoo (cuckold) another man into raising your child.
Other men, perhaps a majority, would find it advantageous to form a monogamous relationship, working together to successfully raise offspring and keeping extramarital affairs to a minimum.
Still others may be reproductively successful to have just one child with a desirable female even if that means tolerating her indiscretions and and helping to raise the offspring of other men.

Now, for the flip side - females clearly benefit from more monogamous relationships and many might not risk losing that advantage for a sexual fling. But … if they can get away with it, then they benefit from having multiple partners. More genetic diversity for her offspring. And, before the days of paternity testing - a decent chance of passing off the child as that of her partner. Often times a woman will have a one time fling with another man right around ovulation, and conceive, and yet she can even convince herself that the child is her husband’s … because they also had sex around the same time, they have sex all the time and that was just a one time thing.
This is why it’s a common cultural practice for friends and family to say that the child looks just like it’s father (to reassure him). This is why women are louder during sex (to attract other men) and guys are turned on by it … yet they tend to be quieter (so as not to send signals to other men). This is also why women’s figures change when they are ovulating. For most of the month, they are focused on their primary relationship, but when the hormones peak for ovulation, it’s all about creating the potential for breeding with another man.