Getting Laid Journal

Yeah, I know where the right places are. I don't spend that much time with online dating, to be honest. Kind of gets on my nerves. I prefer the excitement of approaching women out in the world.
My goal right now is to increase the quantity of the interactions I am having. I need to get it to 15 or so every time I go out.

 

You're right. I probably should invest more time and energy in online.
Cheers for the advice.

 

Thanks for the additional sarcasm and arrogance, but again your condescending attitude is unnecessary and irrelevant.

I have already had meaningful long term relationships in the past. I know what it means to find my soulmate and be in love. I know what great sex is. This thread is not about discovering those things for the first time. This thread is about the process of getting back into the game, and the obstacles that any man is likely to go through, not about my personal success.

What happens after? Easy. Hopefully we connect on a deeper level and enter into a relationship. That is my ultimate goal here.

You think you're bringing something new to the table here but you're not, so again, please go elsewhere.

 

Alright. I'm going to have to pick up the pace here. The simple fact is I have not been getting out to venues enough. I haven't been making the effort. It is time to do so. Good things in life don't come easily. Was pretty disappointed that the Swiss woman didn't want to meet up. Just ignored my FB message. Getting ignored is part of the game. Have to increase my options.

For some guys sex comes easily. They may be exceptionally good looking, or have a lot of money. A friend of mine falls into this category. He doesn't lift a finger and has hot girls chasing after him because of his physical appearance. For average looking guys like me, however, work is required. That means getting myself to venues, approaching, going through the entire rigamarole. This is just how it is. There are no shortcuts to getting good at this; it is a trial by fire. But ultimately the benefit of being average looking is that meeting women becomes a learned skill, and the capacity of this learned skills to produce results far outweighs looks in the end, which my friend has no control over, he was born with them.

So in order to progress the skill of meeting women to a level of competence and then mastery, repeated failure is required. Failure is inherent in evolution. Failure is learning, it is part and parcel of development. And failure, most importantly, develops confidence. Most people, when they fail a couple of times simply quit, they give up. Failure is too uncomfortable for them. Most people want a quick solution, easy results. This is why people fail to lose weight, or they fail to get a good job, or they fail at whatever goals they set. They encounter setbacks or rejection, and that hurts their self esteem, and then they decide to retreat to that safe place where they don't have to feel those uncomfortable feelings. But if they cannot push through failure, they will never gain true confidence. True confidence comes from failing over and over. Because when you fail over and over, you lose your fear of it, and that loss of fear liberates you to be truly successful.

I can already feel this happening in this evolution of my current mission. I have been rejected and ignored so that I don't even really care if the next woman rejects me or ignores me. And that lack of care about what might happen has freed a huge amount of confidence in me. I am simply not focused on the future anymore. I am owning my failure, and turning it around into my own success. Looking forward to tonight.

 

That really is all there is too it.

"I miss 100% of the shots I don't take" - Wayne Gretzky

 

I think it's different for women. For women, getting laid is easy, you basically just show up to a bar looking half decent and within a short time you will have many options presented to you. Thus, to you as a woman, getting laid really is a "vacuous, empty goal". It's easy and requires no effort. What is probably more challenging to you is to find a meaningful relationship, a real emotional connection, thus you place more value on it.

For most men, getting laid does not come easily. We are repeatedly tested and shut down by women until our game (i.e. confidence) gets strong enough for us to win a girl over. Nothing is given to us on a silver platter, we have to work for it, therefore it has much higher value to us. And those "PUA articles" as you call them are the only real advice that is out there for men who want to improve with women. Ask a man who has been "friend zoned" by a woman he is sexually attracted to if that is a meaningful relationship to him.

You seem to be minimising the importance of sexual energy as it relates to generating a meaningful relationship. The sexual pursuit is the gateway to a long term relationship, that is a fact. It is the spark that lights the fire. Without a strong sexual connection, a man and woman will never truly connect on a deeper level. They will have a superficial emotional connection only. Thus pursuing sex is in no way vacuous, it is in many ways the foundation for the deeper levels of relationship that follow.

PS: Alexander: the site not letting me reply with content. It only lets me edit replies once they are made.

 

Yeah, for some reason she and the other woman just want to be negative and try to disparage my attempts at self improvement. It's unfortunate actually as tearing other people down is not what NoFap is about. I am not interested in someone else's negativity.

And another thing. I don't see this as just having "fun". There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex as fun, but I am more interested in developing a long term, serious relationship with a woman. In my own experience in life, meaningful relationships have always evolved first from sex.

 

Went to a party with a friend of mine last weekend. Pretty fun time. Met this french woman who is vacationing in the city. Had a fun conversation and then got her contact info. She seemed interested in meeting up and talking more. Sent her a message but she ignored it.

I was at the juice bar and I ran into this woman who lives in my neighborhood. She is nice, I have seen her before. We talked for a bit and then I got her contact info. I have not messaged her yet as I did not want her to shoot me down already. I prefer to keep this open. A couple days later a friend of mine said she was at the apartment building asking about me. I just made a mental note about it and continued on with my day.

It is very easy to get discouraged, to lose confidence in yourself, when you are working to surmount an obstacle. If you are a genuine person, someone who is genuinely investing your positive energy into something you are interested in, but you continuously get sent messages that you are not good enough, then sooner or later depressing thoughts start to creep into your subconscious mind. They tell you that it is pointless, that it is a waste of time, that you should just give up.

The most important thing is to let these thoughts pass you by on their way into the void, and not attach yourself to them. If you attach yourself to these negative thoughts, if you start to really believe that the reason you have been rejected is because you are worthless, then it is over for you, you are finished. They will drag you down to the abyss of inaction. You will become bitter, and mean, and victimized. You will stop taking meaningful action to create a new reality for yourself. And this meaningful action is all that matters. Every time that you jump over a hurdle of negativity that is thrown your way, you grow exponentially stronger within yourself.

That said, I'm going to scale the level of energy I am putting into this back a little bit. I am going to work more on continuing to build value within myself and who I am, and worry less about hooking up with someone. I do not have the patience to go to bars anymore and hang around a bunch of drunk people. It is hard to meet someone who I really connect with. It is very rare.

So I had to let this wave of rejection pass by without getting too down about it. I know that I am doing this for the right reasons. I am genuinely interested in meeting intelligent women. I know also that I have value to offer someone else, and I will continue to improve my inner and outer worth regardless of whether some other person is interested in me.

 

I don't think they "should" be doing anything. I would prefer to get to know the women whom I am attracted to, but if they are not interested in me, that is fine. The responsibility is always on me to remain positive and genuine about what I am doing, and to always work on improving myself and who I am. I don't expect anything from anyone.

But let's be honest here, you know as well as I do that a big part of whether or not you approach a woman is whether of not you are sexually attracted to her. I sincerely doubt that you go out looking for women who you just want to be friends with. A man who hides from the fact that he is sexually attracted to women and indicts himself for wanting to approach them is not an honest man.

It depends what women you're talking about. Many women I have no interest in and I am not attracted to. These I do not approach. However, some I find interesting, not necessarily in a sexual way either. It is more of an immediate feeling of curiosity and interest about who that woman is. In these instances I have two choices. I can A.) take action or B.) take no action. If I choose option B, as most guys do, then that woman is gone forever. The odds of me encountering her again are practically zero.

On the other hand, if I take action and introduce myself, start to find out who she is, etc, then there is a chance we will hit it off. Not a big chance, but a chance. It falls on me as the man to take that chance. All the possible negative effects such as being ignored, rejected, etc; those negative effects are my responsibility to deal with. But sitting around waiting for things to happen will get a person absolutely nowhere in life, period.

Eh, it's not true. You're casting aspersions with that statement. If I wanted to do that I would just become one of those guys who goes to hookers all the time. Anyone who wants to live that sort of fantasy life can easily make it happen for the right amount of money. That kind of a life disgusts me at a deep level.

I do not just care about sex. I am interested in meeting intelligent women whom I can connect with. Some of these women may want to have sex, some may not. In the end that is secondary. What matters is connecting with interesting women on a meaningful level. This connection gives my life increased meaning and value, and is worth pursuing.

 

Meh, it's a title. I'm writing this for myself and for other guys on NoFap who may be fearful of embarking on this process, not for popularity or to be academically flawless.

That's because they didn't strike me as particularly relevant to the discussion. STD's and pregnancy
are guarded against through proper use of contraception. With respect to seeing women as "rewards", I already answered that point in the last post. Whether or not you choose to believe me is your decision. Finally, with respect to "using" women, I am not into that either, as I stated.

You're seeing what you want to see. All I can do is attempt to communicate clearly what my real intentions are, which I believe I have done. If you want to see me as deceitful or disingenuous, I can't really change that, nor am I going to try.

There is a difference between an obsession and a healthy appetite. Ask yourself, if I was really "obsessed" with getting laid, would I go through all this BS? Would I take the time to repeatedly get rejected and go through the entire gauntlet of the courtship process? Obviously not. If I was really obsessed, as you claim, I would probably not bother with any of this. I would be visiting escorts regularly. I would be in strip clubs, etc. I would be stuck behind a computer screen looking at porn, an then feeling bad about it. In sum, I would take the easy route.

What you're saying is actually pretty insulting, not to mention patently false. If anything I should be doing more to meet interesting women.