Background: WS and I have been married for almost six years. We have two kids. WS has been watching porn in some capacity since he was a tiny kid. He's tried to stop a billion times. We've been going to couples therapy since a super horrible triggery event happened in his life. After everything blew up in his face, he told me everything he'd been hiding. (I thought) He was still trying to hide the P use because it was his security blanket. The one thing he knew he could turn to when he was sad, bored, tired, lonely, depressed, angry...on and on ect. Eventually, when confronted with all the evidence, he finally told the truth. He says he's quitting for good this time. I want to believe him so bad. My self-esteem is nonexistent. Last night, in therapy, he told me that he loves how I look, that he doesn't want fake. How on earth am I supposed to believe anything he says? I'm 27 and have had two babies. I look nothing like his favorite search categories! He's doing good. He's calling me when he gets tempted, we did a boundaries list. We have a bunch of safe-guards in place. I'm just scared to death. What happens when he relapses? How can I handle another disappointment? Today has sucked. Baby V is teething and cranky, three year old Deeds is allergic to our Christmas tree and sneezing all over the place, and I'm not looking forward to going to WS's work Christmas party tonight. He hasn't had to face very many P-sub temptations since starting no PMO and I'm freaking out. This post is all over the place, but there it is. If freaking out was a sport, badges and medals EVERYWHERE!!!