Escorts

Hey brother, I appreciate your honesty and transparency. But I’m glad you are the temptation for what it is; dumb and foolish. Don’t give it even an inch. It’s not worth it because it’s a dark hole that sucks you in.

And yea man, I’m in a healthy Bible preaching church that has benefited me and my family greatly. However, around 10 years ago, in my early 20s, I was part of legalistic church that never had any elders or pastors that actually shepherded the flock. Not blaming them for my lack of spiritual maturity or self-control in sexual deviance, but I wish I never enters marriage (let alone considered dating a fellow sister) until I address the addiction of porn in my life. It would have removed many stumbling blocks and avoided much trauma for my wife.

In terms of your situation, I’m sure there are good Christian gals somewhere in your city or surrounding region. You don’t have to find her at your church. The main thing you probably should just make sure is that she loves the Lord and is willing to be submissive to the teaching to Scripture and then you’ll be fine.

Yea bro, feel free to ever reach out if you ever want to chat about any of this or just have accountability. I’m always down to fellowship with another brother in Christ here at NoFap.

 

As much as you think this is the reason you struggle, it’s not true. It’s not your singleness that’s causing you to lust and stay addicted to P or M or whatever. Even if you meet a girl that is a 10/10 and she’s godly and loves the Lord and is even down (in marriage) to always satisfy you sexually , it doesn’t mean that you won’t struggle with watching P or habitually masturbating from time to time.

The struggle is an issue of character, integrity, self-control, mental neurological habits you have accustomed your brain to develop, rituals, and/or a bunch of other factors. It’s not “I don’t have an outlet for my sexual desires” like a GF or a wife that is the reason you are stuck in your addiction (And I’m saying all this from a Christian worldview). Because going to porn or even visiting escorts is just a symptom of a much deeper rooted issue in your mind and your heart. It’s both spiritual, emotional, mental, psychological and even physiological. It’s wild bro, I was having withdrawal migraines when I was doing my 90 day detox and coming off of porn—that’s how much my brain and body was used to and engrained in my daily rituals or watching porn and self-pleasuring myself in the shower.

Even as I dig deeper into trying to grasp and understand why I’m allured to occasionally visit massage parlors, I realize that it’s not even sexual desire. It’s a desire for intimacy, acceptance, and care that I falsely believe that I “deserve” in my marriage and am not receiving. Even though my wife may not always treat me exactly how I hoped she would treat me, it doesn’t give my the grounds to cheat on her.

Saying all of this in love…reach out if you ever want to talk.

 

Bradziggler struggles the same as all of us here. This curse is not limited to a particular marital status. Brad and Gritty hang in there. Prayers for this community

 

Agreed with this 100%. Addiction knows NO BORDERS. Addiction doesn't care whether or not someone is Married or Single. Addiction has no clue where you're from, what you look like, and what your favorite band is. Anyone who doesn't understand the fundamentals of addiction should definitely read up. I'm not saying that in a disrespectful way, but this community is filled with individuals who should take the addiction 101 course.

Here's a little about me: I'm in my 40s. Married to a beautiful woman who I absolutely adore. Great sex life. Multiple kids. Multiple houses, cars, etc. Great job. Struggling with this addiction for 30+ years. Addicted to porn at the age of 12 or so. Moved on to harder things by 18 - visited my first illegal massage parlor. Sex trips around the world by 25...visited all the high profile areas for sex...spent a fortune. Even worked for a bit in the industry. Settled down by 30 with a woman. Still struggled with massage parlors and escorts. Started trying to get sober. Had kids. Fought this thing tooth and nail. I'm sober today almost 50 days. Again, MARRIED, KIDS, JOB, ETC...and yes, I'm a grateful recovering addict.

I love this community regardless of the misinformed. I have patience for them and I'm always willing to share my experience, strength, and hope. I love the connections I have here. If you're struggling, hit me up. Let's do this together.

 

Such a fantastic post @Bradziggler1990. You articulated the basic fundamentals of how this addiction works so eloquently, and I appreciate that. I hope more members read this so they can better understand how this thing works.

Wishing you the best bro!

 

Do mediation whenever the urges come .

 

Thanks George! I followed the link to really helpful information that I was unaware of. Actually, I had had aches and pains, depression and lethargy for a couple/few weeks and suddenly felt euphoric, charitable, energetic and happy. Considered myself cured and in control, so I allowed myself just a couple minutes of imagination and crashed. The material your post pointed to was super helpful to putting my experience into perspective.

 

Hey @pham - nice to hear from you. Yeah, this addiction is cunning and baffling...works in mysterious ways and is always waiting to take over. With a few simple actions (implementing recovery tools) each and every day, I have a much better chance at staying sober.

I'm so happy to hear you're getting yourself back on track. Definitely be easy on yourself...don't beat yourself up, just dust off and move on. It's a learning process but isn't easy.

Feel free to private message me anytime. I'm always willing to chat.

 

Wow, what a story brother! That’s crazy. Thanks for sharing that and I’m encouraged to hear that you’re fighting it!

I wanted to ask, in all of the struggle, has your wife been aware of your battle with addiction? Or are you keeping it to yourself?

Reason why I’m asking is because I cannot imagine to bring it up to her…I fear it would destroy our marriage.

 

I'm very grateful to be sober today. My story with this addiction has brought me to hell and back, and I'm always happy to share and help others.

That being said, my wife is only aware of my recovery in AA (18 years) and not from this addiction. I agree, spilling the beans would do nothing but destroy everything we've built together. That's why I'm dedicated to staying sober one day at a time, and staying stopped.

Wishing you the best bro!

 

I was a former John in my younger years but i haven't acted out in years, however the dating market is so bad I have been entertaining the thought lately. Its brutally lonely out here.

 

I can only imagine. Just keep in mind how brutal the mental, emotional, and spiritual distress that comes from an addiction to Asian Massage Parlors, Escorts, street walkers, etc...not to mention the health risks and legal ramifications that could transpire.

Unfortunately, none of those things ever stopped me until I hit rock bottom. I've been sober almost 60 days now which is the longest I've reached in over 5 years of trying.

I'm definitely not trying to tell you what to do, I am simply sharing my experience. Please consider those things before taking the plunge again.

Wishing you the best!

 

Feeling like I'd like to contribute to this post. @Jackson1777 I can fully relate to your experience, and to others in this post.

I too am now embarking in SAA recovery. It's a programme of action, and I will still gladly find anything else to do besides do all the actions on many days. Buuut...

Since joining the programme in 2yrs, I haven't met with an escort, or cheated on my partner. It is possible with time to reduce and eliminate these risky and largely unfulfilling behaviours and activities.

I can fully understand the jump from Porn to escorts/online hookups/massage parlours. It's one of the things that I still struggle to let go of or reconcile... I realise on some level that I was just seeking connection, albeit a sexual and often single-minded purpose. Nevertheless these interactions were born out of obsession and lust, and often left me with great feelings of shame, guilt and self-resentment. Not only that, they can end up costing so much £$ that I couldn't afford or could have better spent on friends / family / charity / self-care.

My advise - we need to keep going, keep being honest about what we want and don't want. Talk to other fellows, addicts or NoFappers, and keep moving towards our positive goals.

I wish you prosperity with your changes, and feel free to drop me a message direct if you wanna chat.

 

Just wanted to add to the thread. Im a young bloke in mid 20s who esccalated from porn to escorts around 5-6 years ago. Wasted lots of money but that is not the worst thing, but the mental toll that it has on me. Each time after the act I feel ashamed, saying never again and then finding myself in the same situation again. These couple of months has been the worst, In
3 months I have visited escorts 10+ times, wasted thousands, started taking from my savings, borrowing from family and friends… A real addict indeed. If I ever have children I worry my addiction would ruin their future.

Last time I visited an escort was last week. I realise that no matter what I will never be satisfied. My drunk brain enjoys the sessions… Just up until post-nut clarity hits and my sober brain takes over, and realises the consequences of my actions. Since its illegal where I live It would be the end if I got discovered. But even that fails to motivate me to not visit escorts. Its bad.

 

Your story is all too familiar, my friend. I essentially have the same story as you...but I have kids, a wife, and a very established career.

The feelings you described hit home for me. It's not only financially burdensome, but mentally debilitating. I've been battling this addiction for 30+ years, but escorts and Asian massage parlors for the past 10. It never gets better or easier...we are never satisfied.

However, I am here to tell you there is hope. Obstaining from this addiction and getting in to recovery is absolutely possible, even if you feel hopeless. I felt hopeless for so many years...and occasionally still do. But there is hope.

I write to you today with 60+ days of sobriety from escorts and illicit massage. This is the first time I've gone this long without it. The main difference this go around has been my involvement in the recovery world. I journal on NoFal multiple times a day (most of the time), I read posts and reply, I have conversations with accountability partners through direct message everyday, I pray, I meditate, I read recovery literature, I attend local 12 step meetings and work the steps, I try to get adequate sleep and eat healthy, and most importantly, I try to help others.

There is hope brother, and I am here to go through the journey with you. Feel free to message me anytime!

Wishing you the absolute best!

 

Thanks for the reply, it feels nice knowing there is a community out there where you can lean on when you need a hand.

At the moment im still at the stage where I believe I can best this addiction just as long as I get the momentum. I have successfully managed to block porn 40+ days, and I feel more clear minded by the day and that I’m able to say no to urges that come. My goal is going the entire month without porn and escort and then do a challenge for 2024 where i abstain the entire year.

 

Hi everyone, firstly I’d like to compliment all the guys on this post who admitted they have an escort addiction or have used them before. I’ve never used an escort but to admit it and say they’re consuming your thoughts deserves a virtual bro hug. I solute you.

Secondly. It’s a shame that a little debate broke out, some individuals were just relating to one another and it’s unfortunate a debate broke out but that’s life I guess.

Now my advice. As I’ve mentioned I’ve never used an escort. For several reasons. And maybe these reasons could help you guys to slow down this addiction and possibly stop.

1. First and foremost, you don’t know where that girl has been. Without sounding judgemental if she has sex for a living then more than likely she is very active outside of work. Maybe in an open relationship or multiple partners. Some escorts may not even use protection. A high high chance of catching a std. Yeah some stds can be cured easily but others are for life. Do you want genital warts? I’ve had them before. Not nice. Getting them removed even worse.

Also it’s a little off putting knowing the escort has had her pipes filled repeatedly by different men the day you meet her. A turn off for me.

2. The experience isn’t fully truthful. I’m betting my life that most escorts fake their sexual experiences. ‘Oh yeah that was amazing you’re the best man I’ve been with. You better come back and do me again’. End of the day it’s their living so why wouldn’t they want you to come back and give them money?

3. I feel that addiction towards escorts is more damaging in the long term than porn itself and solo masturbation. In this current world it’s so easy to get instant gratification for anything. Sex shouldn’t be that thing. Sex should be a magical moment between 2 adults who want to pleasure each other. And earned. Not handing over some cash and yeah blow my back out.

I’m not hating on anyone who chooses this path in life. These are just my opinions and maybe you guys could use some of these points to steer away from this and focus on bettering yourself and maybe finding a partner who is better than an escort and makes you feel loved and climax better than anyone else.

 

Thanks for sharing your insights. I found it extremely helpful.

 

Appreciate the gesture and kind approach, but as you yourself stated, you’ve never used an escort so your underlying reasons are far different from the men who’ve sadly fell into this black hole.

As one of them from the dark side, I can tell you straight up that for most men it’s not even purely out of sexual desire. It’s a plethora of reasons that are far deeper rooted in the physiological desires of wanted to be accepted, cared for, heard, affirmed, validated, pampered, treated well, etc. It’s not just a lustful desire for sex with a stranger so you can “blow out their back” and feel sexually satisfied. That’s a very surface level understanding. It’s deeper than that.

The reason why I share this is because only after I sat down and really did some deep mental work as to WHY I go to massage parlors (I’ve shared my story on my journal here in NoFap) , only then did get the mental capacity to actually identify my triggers and fight the addiction and actually abstain for longer streaks of time. With the hope of course, to finally break free.

So, the fear of getting an STD or the girl being dirty or law enforcement are effective deterrents to those struggling. Those type of deterrents works for most men (that’s why they never even try to get a prostitute, because they’re in fear of any of those), but for those already stuck in the black hole, the real remedy is internal work at the heart and mind level.

Not a therapist or anything, but just my 2 cents from battling this addiction for the past year (even though I’ve been stuck in it for nearly 8 years)…

 

Yes I’ve never used an escort but in a way I have been ‘used’ in a sexual context before. My first sexual experience was with a woman with many many mental health problems. Which I didn’t realise until mid way through the relationship. I thought we was mainly having loving and passionate sex but she was using me to get pregnant and other guys too without me knowing at the time. I was lonely and desperate at the time so I kept going back to her because you know pussy is pussy and it was my first and I was terrible with women so it was unlikely I’d get anything else any time soon.

She was a manipulative woman and sort of encouraged me to have sex with her repeatedly. Making me think it was for her enjoyment but it was for her own strange desires. To get pregnant and manipulate several men (luckily she didnt).

The point I’m trying to make is that my ex was maybe similar to an escort in several ways. Making me think I was her world etc when she had secret underlying emotions. Possibility of an std as I knew she was cheating with many many men later in the relationship but I still went back to her. And it was the only pussy I could get so I kept going back over n over.

Again. The escort has secret desires. You may feel accepted, cared for etc but it’s fake love and intimacy. It’s like having parents and having to pay them first before they give you love or affection. It’s all fake.

Also guys I’m interested in your mindset going into escorts. Because for most guys on here if they’re going to look up porn or other online addictions they can simply put the phone down or close the browser. Even mid way through a video just stop. How does the process work for an escort? At some point you guys can walk back or drive back home and try and distract yourselves. Does that mindset come into play once you go on your phone and start booking in a session. Even if you’ve wasted a few hundred dollars you can always turn back and not go through with it. Does this pop up in your mind or once you’ve booked an escort is that all you’re focused on?

This subject is a totally different approach to no porn. Because going from human contact and intimacy to nothing or substituting for porn isn’t the same. And do you guys use the same escorts or different? Because surely the same one would form some sort of attachment.