Escorts

I've been in and out of this community for years now...started with porn, moved to video call mutual masturbation, then to massage parlors, and now escorts. I can relate 100%.

I took a long leave of absence from this community and just came back today. Your post was the first I read, and likely the one I need most right now as it epitomizes my addiction. I'm a married man with kids and have been funneling obnoxious amounts of money to maintain this addiction, and it is absolutely way out of hand.

I can relate to you 100% and understand the struggle. However, I know for a fact this community has played a pivotal role in motivating and supporting me in sobriety...so I am back and need to get focused. Feel free to reach out.

 

It's funny you say that man, I've been sober in a 12 step program for almost 18 years now and completely understand what you're saying. I know the answer is in the steps and helping others, but I guess with this thing I'm having a difficult time surrendering. I know I'm powerless but have had a bad case of the fuck its...but you're right. Keep in touch!

 

Today is Day 4, no massage parlors or escorts. The itch can be powerful once it sets in. I'm staying connected to this community and utilizing the tools that have worked in the past. One moment at a time... I can't even think about it as one day at a time.

Wishing you the best!

 

Yes, for sure. I have had this problem for the past 5 years when I discovered sex workers as a possibility while in a toxic relationship with my ex. I used sex workers as an escape from my own unhealthy lifestyle and relationship and among other unhealthy habits to avoid confronting all my other life problems. Now that I'm in a healthy, happy relationship, I STILL have problems with sex workers and thinking about them and I hate it.

I still think about sex workers all the time. At least once a day. Because I've had so many experiences with them, all those experiences are kind of just ruminating in my brain and can pop up out of no where.

One thing I've been doing recently that has been helping is not fighting these thoughts. Instead of trying to push the thoughts of my mind, I've been more accepting and kind to myself. For example, let's say I'm sitting on my computer working, bored, and suddenly an intrusive sexual thought about sex workers come to mind. Instead of resisting these thoughts, I literally take a step back, stop what I'm doing, and I tell myself something along the lines of:

"This is an intrusive thought. It's going to be okay. These thoughts are automatic and not up to me but they will pass. It's going to be okay. Just wait. Be patient. I'm okay." And I focus on my breathing while doing this or if the environment allows - going for a quick walk. Eventually - within 5-10 minutes - the thoughts go away. This is not 100% effective, but I've found it helps a significant amount of the time. It doesn't prevent the thoughts from coming back, but I've found that it helps tackle them when they reappear.

 

The third paragraph is 100% what I do, and what I truly believe is necessary. Thoughts are going to happen regardless, and resisting them is not ideal. I love what you do when the thought enters your mind as it's almost identical to what I do. Trying to run away or resist is not productive for me...instead I acknowledge and do self examination on how it makes me feel...then move on.

Great stuff bro!

 

Also would like to add - whatever sites you are using to meet these sex workers, block them from your phone with a password. There are plenty of apps that do this.

You can see one of my posts where I detail which apps I use and how I block certain sites: Anyone even manage go fix there social media problem let alone porn?

This has been helpful for me to also resist the urge.

 

Hey bro. Don't beat yourself up. It happens. We are addicts.

For me, I typically relapse soon after I begin to stray from this community. I also notice from past experiences that I stop using some of the other recovery tools that have worked for me. As I take those things away, I get closer and closer to relapse...until it happens.

One of the best things I've done this go around has been staying connected on a regular basis to this community, not visiting the escort listing/review sites, and trying to help others in need. I even have an accountability partner now which has been fantastic.

Feel free to message me anytime bro. I'm here to help where I can.

 

One thing that wasn't very clear in my last post - whenever you try these coping strategies it's very important you change your environment. So if you are staring at your computer, stop doing that and go somewhere else. This actually happened to me yesterday. I was having really hardcore urges - was about to unlock some of the passwords I had to view sex worker sites just out of curiosity and then I was like, let me check my running to-do list real quick. I was doing laundry earlier in the morning and the sheets were still in the dryer - so I I told myself I'm just going to replace the sheets real quick and come back to this while doing some of the mindfulness phrases I mentioned before. Went downstairs, replaced the sheets. Ended up doing the dishes as well and then taking a shower. Before I knew it the urges were gone and I went back to my computer doing what I was before.

 

@Jackson1777
Damn! I had a similar issue. Before I accepted finally that I have a porn problem, I just thought I was not enjoying sex with regular girls because they were not fulfilling my fetishes. Actually even that was a lie, a lot of them were more than happy to.

So I began going to massues etc where I could just have tailored experiences centered around my fetishes without worrying about their needs. But quickly realized it was a bad idea and stopped.

But even now as I am recovering, I get these urges to go have an experience with a massue to "check" my progress. And I have to keep fighting that urge as I know its a route to another similar addiction.

 

Yo this some incel logic so I'm responding to this in case anyone reads this and says, "Wow this guy has a point!" because he doesn't.

1. The term “sex worker” recognizes that sex work is work. Prostitution, on the other hand, has connotations of criminality and immorality. Use Sex Workers to humanize people who are doing this.

2. Sex workers are getting by just like everyone else. Most of them have gotten into this field of practice because they are struggling financially. Some are doing very well for themselves. You cannot put everyone in the same bucket.

3. Sex work shouldn't be illegal because it makes it unsafe for BOTH clients and sex workers. Removing criminal prosecution of sex work goes hand-in-hand with recognizing sex work as work and protecting the rights of sex workers through workplace health and safety standards. Decriminalizing sex work means sex workers are more likely to live without stigma, social exclusion, and fear of violence and it's safer for everyone involved. Sex workers experience high rates of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD because of the unsafe and traumatic situations they are often put in.

Take the public health benefits marijuana legalization for example. Research has shown that legalizing marijuana reduces violence and trafficking associated with the illegal drug trade thereby reducing the power and wealth of cartels and drug gangs. The same would be true for pimps and other underground people who traffic women for sex work if sex work was highly regulated and not criminalized in the first place.

4. Your whole "its unfair towards poor men poor men that you get to have sex with the prostitutes merely because you can pay for it and they can't" is also B.S. you know what else you can't afford if you're poor? Going out to eat at nice restaurants. Should we ban all steakhouses because it's unfair to poor people who can't afford to eat there? No. You know why? Because that's capitalism and capitalism inherently discriminates against the poor.

5. Masturbation and sex are not evil. They are some of the most natural things a human can do. It's literally essential for our survival as a species. Get out of here with that poisonous thinking.

Paying for sex is not evil if it's between two consenting adults who are in control of their own bodily autonomy. Obviously, there are women out there that are being trafficked, and that is evil. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I see so many people on these forums who have such crazy, negative, and hate-filled views that I can't help but wonder is at the root of their PMO problems.

 

This is not a conservative view. This is just straight incel logic. I screen shotted and showed this post to some of my women friends via text as a sanity check and they straight up said, "ew, that's gross" about you. I agree.

"most clients end up seeking underage targets to pay for" is also incorrect. If you don't have experience with sex workers, you shouldn't be talking, because you clearly don't know wtf you are talking about.

 

I wonder of they "gross-judging" women you mentioned would be happy if their dads had spent all their inheritance money on prostitutes. or had-spent all the college funds on prostitutes. because thats what prostitute-mongers do.
100x times worse than an alcoholic.

 

Pheww. Someone came to the rescue. Man I am telling you this place is filled with people (incel or not I have no idea) who are living in a dark dark place inside their heads. Far out of touch with reality and sometimes out of touch with humanity. Some posts I see shock me. Its like they have never related to a fellow man or a woman in ages or ever. And to make it worse sometimes its mixed up with religion, misogyny and god knows what else. This is a great place for recovering from porn. But I shudder to think of any young guy who has not had much experience of the world or formed his own views reading some of the stuff on here and taking it at face value.