Escalation - Public Masturbation

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Darwin Kemper, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Tables Turned - Someone Jerking Off Two Feet Away From Me!
    Here is a twist. At the gym last night and another guy started masturbating in the jacuzzi. Me and another women were in there and he came out of locker room and joined us. He was not wearing a bathing suit but had on tight boxer briefs, which I thought was a bit odd but not unheard of. Once he gets in he almost immediately started to jerk off under the water. It was obvious as he had a huge tattoo on his upper arm and shoulder which accented every muscle movement (he was not just rubbing his thigh for 10 minutes). Both me and the woman noticed right away but chose to casually look away and pretend that it wasn’t happening. This went on for a long time. I didn’t want to leave this women stranded so I stayed until she was ready to leave. By the time I got back to the showers he was in one of the stalls with the curtain totally open and was masturbating in there as well. I couldn’t believe how blatant his actions were. I didn’t say anything to the manager as it would point a spotlight on the issue of people cumming in the jacuzzi and therefore put me in jeopardy. Also I would hate for someone to turn me in, so the thought of doing the same to someone else seemed hypocritical. He has escalated well beyond me and that is scary. What would you do in my situation? Obviously I can keep an eye out for him and be more cautious, but how should I act next time? I am guessing he was trying to attract my attention as he wanted me to see him in the men's locker room too but seems like a risky way of trying come on to someone (pun intended). Thoughts?
     
  2. gonnakillthismf

    gonnakillthismf Fapstronaut

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    https://www.courant.com/breaking-ne...blic-masturbation-charges-20180612-story.html

    https://www.whas11.com/article/news...-public-masturbation-police-say/417-253805219

    Got kids? Got an extra $5000? Want to lose them both? Don't fuck around with this. If you don't get caught, you may escalate. Go tell a family member. Brother? Uncle you're tight with? THAT will make this real, not just unburdening yourself online.

    Escalation is insidious. I did 4 years in the gang unit of a state prison. Not recommended. Get your shit straight now.

    You have the strength to do this.
     
  3. gonnakillthismf

    gonnakillthismf Fapstronaut

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    Just read the rest of the posts. Getting caught is no joke nor is it a cure. It is a life wrecker. For you, your family, your co workers, anybody that knows you. You get one life and one reputation. Your arrest will follow you everywhere, until you die. Thank you, internet.

    Quit the gym.
    Work out at home, with the shades drawn, until you master your urges.
    Take the $ you saved from quitting the gym and reward yourself.
    Half measures do not work.
    Do it today.

    peace and strength
     
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  4. lif3

    lif3 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe he caught you in the past and thought you'd be okay with it or got the impression from you that "probably everyone does it in the jacuzzi". And you say he wanted you to see it.. maybe he is looking for some guy on guy action.

    I know some guys in many gyms they edge because of this pseudoscience belief that edging before the workout raises T and yields better exercise performance, but I've also seen couple guys who had girlfriends legit humping each other in the men's room, and yet other guys checking each other out. I seen some gay dudes in the gym and some dudes who act straight but definitely have some gay tendencies. Never really fully understood this, nor would I like to care but occasionally I find other dude's checking out my behind in the locker rooms.. :|
     
  5. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn’t look at this guy as a barometer for you to measure yourself morally against. You were well in your right to sob that guy in, and to be honest if a guy in a hot tub with me started jacking off, it punch him in the face.
     
  6. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Do you go to a gay gym per chance?
     
  7. lif3

    lif3 Fapstronaut

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    Don't think any gym in the world markets itself as a gay gym. This is a minority of the members I'm speaking of. Most are normal. But I'd say atleast 15% of the guys there are either gay, closeted, or have some serious gay tendencies.
     
    starsky2 likes this.
  8. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    There’s nothing wrong with going to a gay gym, mate. Nobody is judging! ;)
     
  9. lif3

    lif3 Fapstronaut

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    True.. but it feels weird af as a straight man.
     
  10. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Interesting. I have never heard of this. It would explain his detachment. He wasn't trying to make eye contact with either me or the other women–it was like he was on auto pilot. He was also built like a body builder, so more evidence you might be on to something

    I don't think so as I was using the jets and not my hands. Nobody would have seen anything suspicious even if they were in the jacuzzi with me. My arms and hands would have been above the water. Also I am hyper aware of everybody's position in the room at all times. I have never seen him before.
     
  11. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut

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    please stopp al porn and you will see that this behavior naturally stops
     
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  12. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Update - Two Months

    Thanks for all the advice and for sharing your stories. There were also many people who have reached out offline to say they are going through the same experience and exhibiting the same behaviors but were too nervous to post in this thread - Thanks to you all as well.

    It was a crazy two months. I was experiencing one of the most extreme relapse/binges of my life and was escalating at a rapid pace. My obsession/desire to get naked and masturbate was compelling me to do it everywhere. I tried to go full on monk mode (no PMO) but that led to intense dreams, fantasy, and ultimately jumping full force back into days filled with porn, acting out and edging every time. I then tried to reintroduce just masturbation, but found I was still edging for hours and filled my day with p-subs (sexy actresses, sexy video games, sexy friends, sexy strangers, sexy anything) constantly pushing myself right to the edge and then stopping before I came. This also failed to fully stop me as I was hyper aroused all the time and if I was in the jacuzzi or sauna by myself I would immediately start to start 'playing' - once you start on that slippery slope you are bound to fail–I know. I failed again and again. My most recent attempt was to eliminate edging. I am still masturbating about once a day but when I do, it is in bed, no porn, no phone, no p-subs, no drawing it out for as long as I can to have some porn worthy money shot, just good old fashion simple wank to completion.

    I have had wonderful success. I am on day 11 (my longest streak) and I have had no desire to look at porn or masturbate in public. I have never felt so in control, happy and productive (I have saved hours a day). For any of the exhibitionists in our community - Let me know if this works for you too.
     
    John_K likes this.
  13. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Could he have been rubbing his quads? Maybe he did a leg day at the gym?
     
  14. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    I have taken several anatomy classes in my day and unless 'quads' is latin for cock no. He may have been doing a leg day, but in the shower he was openly stroking his 'third leg'
     
  15. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Haha!!
     
  16. Jon_Stark

    Jon_Stark Fapstronaut

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    I am not trying to shame you here. Masturbating in public and getting a thrill out of it most probably means your inhibition threshold is severely diminished. As well as your will power and impulse control.
    Look, I know children who masturbate under a blanket while their relatives are in the same room but that's something different. Masturbation in public spaces may sound innocent (as long as kids aren't involved - I am not too fond of flashers) However, what's the next stop?
    Where will it end? What will you do when you aren't satisfied with just masturbating in public anymore?
    Will you act like the dude you don't want to rat out? - Masturbating in public while others are present? Forcing others to watch you?
    Or do you think you would be able to control yourself?

    I don't mean to blame you, or judge you man. Many people here have done something fucked up or something they really aren't proud about.

    But I want you to understand that your situation is perilous. You have allowed your addiction to PMO to translate into real life behaviour. You have taken things from the screen to reality.
    And you have no real control over it, else you wouldn't do it, trust me.
    That's the beginning of the end. You are in free fall and unless you don't practice your reboot religously things could go south.

    Now, I know that you have made great progress from your posts, I am proud of you man. But please don't ever take your reboot too lightly.

    PMO could turn all of us into savage, sex-crazy monsters. People who sexually abuse and assault others. And public masturbation is the first 1% of this transformation.
    Don't give in to this. Don't let the addiction turn you into something you really aren't and never have been.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2019
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  17. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the thoughtful response. I know I can fight this.

    I have given this a lot of thought lately. This behavior all started when I tried to give up porn. I am in my late 40s and have been PMOing multiple times a day since I was 7. It was always private. When I tried to go cold turkey, the recommendation was to get away from my computer and get outside and go to the gym. So I did and my brain was so starved of dopamine it convinced me to start finding another source of pleasure, which in this case it was to masturbate outside and at the gym.

    Porn v. exhibitionism. I questioned which is worst. I am glad I continued to concentrate on quitting porn first. It is a multiplier and causes you to spiral out of control. I saw what happens when you reintroduce porn with whatever your substitute is - it was so bad that it was the wake up call I needed.

    I know masturbating in public is serious issue and even though I do everything I can to conceal what I am doing and don't flash or masturbate with others in the jacuzzi or sauna–it is wrong and a gateway to becoming something I know I am not. Now I am putting all my efforts into stopping this behavior and having success were before I failed because porn is now out of the equation.

    Getting stronger everyday I don't act out.
     
    Jon_Stark likes this.
  18. Jon_Stark

    Jon_Stark Fapstronaut

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    It's great that you have a plan. Have faith in your soul and your virtue. Love yourself despite all obstacles and guilt. Like you would love your best friend who has difficult times. Love yourself so much, that you don't want to tarnish yourself by masturbating or watching porn. Because that's essentially what PMO is. Dirtying your mind and disrespecting your body.

    If you really start feeling like you can not hold anymore. If you must masturbate no matter what, then do it at home. without watching porn. just oldschool manual labor. If you have to pick between influenza and cholera, pick influenza.

    Also, start imagining. Start imagining in your mind's eye publicly masturbating, being caught, going on trial, being put in prison. Imagine the look in your family's and friends' eyes. Imagine sitting behind prison bars for a moments' stupidity. For something so useless and vain.
    This is your enemy. And only one of you is coming out alive.
     
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  19. John_K

    John_K Fapstronaut

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    While I'm sure some would say that this contradicts NoFap entirely, I applaud you for getting out of crisis mode. When you are about to crash it's more important to regain control of the car than to prevent your drink from spilling ( a pretty poor analogy to fapping).
    We all have different issues to address. For me, being locked in a chastity cage has changed my life.
    Fapping: nope
    Better sex: YES
    Increased attentiveness to my wife: Yes
    The mutual decision to lock me has given my wife total control of my orgasms and I couldn't be happier. Is this for everyone? Absolutely not, but in my circumstances it has been something that has brought us closer together and eliminated a very selfish part of our relationship.
     
  20. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

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    When something works for and helps both of you, that's what you do. Good work on finding a way.
     

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