Escalation - Public Masturbation

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Darwin Kemper, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. mm100

    mm100 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi thanks OP for having the courage to make this post.

    I used to be on here years, years ago when this place first started. I was the first to coin the term "PMO" in fact. Back then I had issues with PMO. My P problem has been resolved since. Or morphed over time into something now horrific.

    I went into a dark place with escorts to stop the P early on. Then went on streaks of abstinence, no PMO for months. Longest lasting was 6 months. I felt like a champ. Like I beat this. Soon thereafter I ceased all PMO and would have semi-casual sex with women. I was elated. Later, I got married and the PMO and semi-casual sex ceased. That was until SHTF. I got caught meeting up with hookers and was outed where everybody in our circle got word of it. That has got to be the hardest thing so far but my wife and I fought through it. Now, I am at a point where I publicly PMO in a semi-stealthy way. I've convinced myself that the women who can see this enjoy it because they don't make an effort to go away. It started with ogling. It's escalated to this now.

    I know not many of you here can relate except a few. So I am not expecting any help. I come here to share. And that I am on the path to finally seek professional help. I tried on and off for years and years and years to fight this. If there is enough reason for me to be more than a sacrifice for those that can actually fight this and win, then I know I will conquer my mind, actions and future. And will achieve all my goals and dreams. If not, maybe I would be that one post that helped that one person or persons that positively impact the lives of millions and millions of people.

    Never give up. Fight till the very last breath if you have to. And tell yourself everyday that you are done for good no matter what you are going through.
     
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  2. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Strategy - Insert Obstacles
    Had a small success in fighting urges to masturbate in public.

    The gym I belong to has several locations. Went to one of the more remote ones. Has jacuzzi but:
    1. No super powerful orgasmic jets.
    2. The women's locker room door is right next to jacuzzi. So I can't misbehave because I would have no warning.
    3. A camera system (other gym doesn't have any cameras).
    4. Observation window looking right into pool so I won't be tempted to swim out of my suit.

    For those struggling with similar behaviors, keep trying to adjust routine and see if it helps. Currently on longest streak of no porn or acting out and feeling like I might actually beat this.
     
  3. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    No cameras that you know of! ;)
     
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  4. Luna Smithson

    Luna Smithson Fapstronaut

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    I am glad you’re able to make improvements. I hope I am able to soon. I just started here.
     
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  5. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    I just got back to NoFap and struggle with similar problems. I recently went to a massage therapist due to my body building activities and had an orgasm under the towel. This massage was different as the lady removed the towel from my backside and spent far too much time on my butt area. It triggered sensations that made me feel like having an O. She didn't speak English well and when I rolled to my back, I apologized for my erection numerous times as I felt scared and uncomfortable. She didn't understand me and said her boss was in the other room and she could only massage. However, I never asked her to touch me there or make me O. She continued on my feet and I put my hands over top my groin to block the area because I felt like I was about to O. When she saw that I had an O, she brought me a towel to clean and continued to massage my feet. I am scared I am going to get in trouble but rubbing my nude butt area triggered the sensation I was not seeking.

    Anyway, I'm back and seeking the freedom I felt while being involved in the NoFap community.
     
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  6. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Unforeseen Consequence - Positive
    Triple win today at the jacuzzi.
    1. It has been broken for a few weeks and now it was fixed. Felt great.
    2. I was prepared to not act out by masturbating first. Was doing it once a day but now that it is getting nice out and people starting to show more skin, I upped it to twice.
    3. Normally I know exactly how long the bubble jet cycle takes. It is on a timer so you have to get out of jacuzzi to start it up again. That way if my bathing suit is not all the way on, the bubbles will cover it. Today I was in there and a girl who works there was walking by. I had met her earlier in the jacuzzi and we had talked about how frustrating it is to have to get out to reset, so without warning she turned it off and then turned it back on as a nice gesture. No bubbles for five seconds.

    Had this been last month when I was misbehaving, she would have seen everything (possibly cumming). Now that would have been something to see. Yikes. Hadn't planned for that in the past.

    So happy to be freeing myself from this destructive behavior - Great feeling of accomplishment in that had I continued down the path I was going - I could have been in the news today.
     
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  7. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Popular Attraction?
    Another crazy experience. At the jacuzzi this morning and there was a guy who joined me and almost immediately positioning himself on 'the jet' for about five minutes. This is not a subtle act - you have to completely turn around and face the wall, dip below the seat and push hips forward. When he got up to leave he said 'Dude, do you know about the jet? It is amazing!' WTF?
    Asked a friend, and they thought he might have been hitting on me but seems like a strange way to do it. I asked if there was such a thing like Gaydar called Pervdar where other sex addicts can sense there own. What do you think? Anyone else experience this kind of behavior?
     
  8. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    Not judging at all, but I would personally stay away from that place. Though it's not always possible, I typically avoid people, places, and things that could trigger bad behavior and acting out.

    Regardless of said individual's motivation behind his comment and behaviors, I would keep moving forward not spend too much energy and time analyzing others.

    Wishing you a peaceful and freeing day my friend!
     
  9. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    You’re overthinking, mate.
     
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  10. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Relapse After Months of Being in Control
    Of the three behaviors at the gym that I am struggling with, masturbating to completion in the sauna was the one I thought I had the most under control. This morning I failed to control myself–multiple times. My brain rationalized that it is better than cumming in the jacuzzi or swimming in the pool with my bathing suit around my ankles (both could be seen by females if caught) and that I that I am already naked (common at my gym) so only need to hide erection if someone joins me in sauna. At the same time it is the most obvious as I am touching myself out in the open as opposed to under water (conceal nudity).

    Anyone have similar experience where you were compelled to act out after long streak of successfully controlling urges? I think with sex addiction, any acting out is a relapse instead of a reset because of the nature of the behavior. What do you think?
     
  11. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    In my experience, this is the nature of addiction - always lurking, always waiting, always ready to pounce when the opportunity presents itself. This is a brutal characterization and one I struggle to accept, but it seems true for me and for many long timers I know and admire.

    For me, one sign of this pouncing - one screaming sign - is rationalization. 'Just once won't hurt!' 'I can take a peek!' 'No one will know!' and, a personal favourite (if I can use this term), 'Well, at least this is better than that!' In terms of active addiction, this is more often than not untrue.

    In such instances, the question for me then becomes how to create life in which I resist not just the addiction as it manifests in urges, but also the addiction as it manifests in rationalization. Saying closely connected to why I do this helps, as does don things like reading and posting here. And yourself!?!?
     
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  12. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Very well put.

    I have been working on identifying these kinds of thoughts and trying different strategies to keep from following through on urges. The most problematic are when I am completely impulsive and act out without forethought or planning. That is when the rationalization comes post mortem. The worst offender for me is when I have a reset or relapse and rationalize that I might as well get it all out of my system (well if I have already failed in the sauna, I might as well masturbate in the jacuzzi too).

    It is helpful to stay connected and reading and posting, although sometimes I need to take a break. Dealing with addiction can be mentally exhausting.

    Thanks for the input.
     
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  13. James02

    James02 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to the mental exhaustion. Sometimes, switching focus away from the addiction to other areas of life (family, social, exercise, & generally not thinking about addiction) helps me reboot mentally. I think the retreat from thinking about the addiction is helpful for long term battle. Also, it allows me to enjoy life (which strips the addiction it's power). This sounds a lot like just putting your guard down, which would not be ideal - so I substitute a period of the day in which I can obsess over the addiction... aka (meditation time). I get my head right during meditation, focus on the battle plan, then back to living life. Best of luck!
     
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  14. WalkingForward

    WalkingForward Fapstronaut

    This could get you into serious trouble. I would suggest not going to this gym anymore, ever.

    In the next gym, don't go into the sauna, shower at home. Don't go into a Jacuzzi again.

    Many alcoholics will have to completely stay away from alcohol and bars for the rest of their lives, the situation you're in might be similar.
     
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  15. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    I've done my share of perv stuff so, sorry to be blunt but as my shrink would say: Stop! Just don't. You're not 14 anymore. I would add: don't go down that path, you've got no idea how low you can go, you really don't want to know.
     
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  16. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    It's pretty good news that you have conscious awareness of this. For me, the tendency is a little more under the radar. I have known of it's presence, certainly, but until I read this post I didn't have a conscious sense of this. I would not have been able to say, 'Yes, the 'get it out of my system' rationalization is problematic for me' without the prompt you offer here. So thanks for this, I sure hope I remember...

    Agreed. As @James02 suggests, part of our recovery efforts needs to allow room for basic human enjoyment. Let me put this another way, part of our recovery efforts needs to allow us room to discovery, explore and integrate ways of enjoying life that are not connected with this addiction. I too often forget / overlook this fact - which, of course, ends up playing in addiction's favour because I get tired, resentful, frustrated and then act out!
     
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  17. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Sadly my brain did not develop past 14. I am as impulsive and consumed with sexual thoughts and desires as I was in seventh grade. I am smarter now, which is tragic as I still act like an idiot. I do know how low one can go if I continue down this path, I just need some extra power to jump the rut. Giving up porn is helping considerably.
     
  18. James02

    James02 Fapstronaut

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    Don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure your brain developed in other ways. As you start to recover, your brain will open up a wide gulf of thinking. Let this be a joyful experience and not one that scares you back into porn (comfort zone). Best of luck & your doing great so far.
     
  19. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    Ok, I'm going to say another thing that might sound stupid but isn't when you let it sink in: The best condition for change is change itself. (I'm translating so hope it makes sense)
     
  20. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    I think you are focusing a considerable amount of time and energy on stopping your behavior. Instead of doing that you can avoid the whole situation by opting to not go for sauna etc. Other thing is to distract yourself eg. Listen to music. A great strategy which kind of works is to go with your BEST FRIEND or GROUP OF FRIENDS to your Gym. Believe me You will not think about masturbation at all.
     

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