Dating and toxic women

I’ve been pushing myself and encouraged by my therapist to use dating apps and work on new relationships with women. It’s been great to get me away from the isolation and self petty sex addiction and porn causes and fills that need for connection a lot better. The problem is in the past I’ve dated, cheats, a psychopath and a borderline. I’m paranoid and traumatised myself so worry about letting dangerous people into my life. I started dating someone I was attracted to, was driven, intelligent and seemed kind. It was exciting to choose new dates to do and gave me a new buzz trying to be a cool fun boyfriend. The danger is I’m lonely as f .. so just having someone to rant or chat to was great. But was it right. A few lies seems to pop up about her past, but I put it down to nerves and her not wanting to get too deep straight away. But the other day she really contradicted this kind image she had put on and came out with a few things that were completely red flags. It really put me off and confused me. I’m not letting this person in my life so called it off it seemed the only option to trust my gut. The problem was is I’d had a few drink 2 nights before and this always makes me feel a mess and anxious/ paranoid. I hadn’t acted out in a few weeks and in previous relationships I’d split up at times so I could act out and book an escort. I think I’m scared of allowing myself to fall for someone and be vulnerable but also want to keep my guard up and wits about me to set boundaries and not let predators seduce me. I need to trust my gut, but it’s so difficult when my moods are massively up and down. Anyway broke up and feel gutted and confused. I also feel that pushing someone away gives me validation and control that it hurts them and they want me back.

 

Thanks dude, It feels right but painful, I’ve got my standards and trust is massive in a relationship. I read that with growth comes pain. So just got to keep pushing. Realistically I’d feel better to get to a level where I’m confident to chat up a pretty girl in life rather than online dating. It’s a swamp for mental health and predators. Onward and upwards I deserve someone special I’ve got a lot about me and need to remember that. Just tired doing it all on my own sometimes

 

What happened in your relationship with a toxic girl; it can be a total head f can’t it? But makes you wiser to it though I guess.

 

Thanks dude, I’ll check that out it’s useful to know about them. But I’m so warn out with cluster B personalities and can get obsessed connecting dots. I seem to be like a target for them. And I think I get addicted to them easily. I have major trust issues now and don’t want to mess it up with legit women. Appreciate the support

 

Thanks man, I watched a few of his last night and she seemed to tick most boxes. I’ve recently listened to a great audiobook called the cult of one Richard Grannon. After some of these dates It can leave me feeling right so every time a woman falls for me it’s not actually real they’re just nutters. But I’m feeling sorry for myself… I’m a good catch but yea a bit more work on myself getting a more stable life in place. It’s been good I can turn to a forum and a few professionals for words of advice. Rather than text her back.

 

Yea I agree. I’m a long way from where I was, but I’m still having the odd urge for femdom (a woman seducing me and me surrendering to her snake like charm.) So I’m probably inviting it in subconsciously. I also think we’re given the same lessons from life/god/the universe till we learn. And it was just seeing how I handled it. I feel that being a kind person with values is important to allow myself to be vulnerable at times for connection, but not too soft to not set boundaries and put my needs first.

 

No not at all that would probably make me a narcissist lol To think everyone had problems other than me. Some were pretty cool, or just plain, we all have a few issues myself included, which I’m putting the work in to deal with. I had a really bad experience with a psycho girlfriend which effected me a lot. I had a fling with a self confessed borderline but wasn’t that attracted to her so broke it off. I bumped into her years later at AA and she’d forgot some of the messed up stories she’d told me to try and get me to white knight and trauma bond her. Looking back there was a lot of gaslighting me to try and break me down and to commit.