Advice from a married guy

My mom had a surgery a month ago and from then I am washing dishes only .I used to think that it is a easy task but boi it takes more then 40+ min everytime twice a day ...plates are easy small utensils are harder to wash ...
(Only mentioning this because this is supposed to be the easiest task )
Anyway the point is we will only know the worth of anyone when we put ourselves in other's shoes ...no matter he don't have any idea about that .

 

lirider was referring to when thatrudeb81 said "you and others have been attacking my husband." lirider should have directly replied, if he had that would have been clearer.

 

initially i wanted to ask, how what you said you should have done more of when you were single and free would have changed who you are today?

but then another question added itself: when did you learn to enjoy being satisfied/ok/happy with yourself?

obviously you weren't alone/isolated the whole time even single, you had people/friends/family around or am i wrong?

i'm just trying to find concrete actions that i can apply to myself. i'm feeling unreasonably isolated/lonely right now. single, but also isolated.

 

Yeah!!! WTH! Staff members and moderators should NEVER be allowed to weigh in on threads or have their own opinions!! What's the world coming to?!?!

Next thing we'll see is someone saying that a man's wet dreams are the same thing as women's menstruation periods!

 

More than lonely, I tend to feel this uneasiness. Like the right thing to do would be to get in an ltr. But that idea scares me somehow. I have come close to being in a relationship, and everytime knowing it would be an end to my individuality doesn't allow me to commit fully.

 

Honestly, you have the right to be picky, and find someone that likes certain aspects of your individuality. Plus you can have your own things that you enjoy and be yourself while still have a relationship. I mean, it takes time to find that person, but it has happened for plenty of people and it can happen for you too.

 

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you're never going to be your own person again. I feel like that's something you may be thinking. I suggest that if/when you start a relationship, to just be honest up front about what you want and don't want from the relationship.

 

Yea…I’m with you on this.

Have you ever tried talking to your wife about doing something that both of you enjoy, together? Like…would she ever want to go fishing? Or crack a cold one and play Xbox? Lol

Sometimes we assume (including myself) that men and women are like water and oil. And it seems that way many times. But many times it’s not like that. We’re just so often selfish in our desires and not willing to do what the other party wants to do.

Yea, it’s a tough battle…

 

i'm sentimental, lack some empathy, and don't like small talk either. i wouldn't say i'm the best at achieving goals, but i suffer from imposter syndrome sometimes, like almost everyone else (probably). i fear that if i wanted to make a relationship where a person got to know absolutely everything about me, they wouldn't want me. it would hurt a lot if someone left me for that. i can be selfish, angry, and annoyed easily but i just want to make a real connection. i also wonder how much work it would take to change my entire way of thinking to fix my personality flaws, or if i even can...
i digress. at the same time, there are many benefits to being single and i recognize them.

 

Easy chief. My point is, just take "moderator" out of his profile because that's not what you're doing.

 

I'm the wife, honestly when it comes to those two things, it's pretty much a full time job. Like for instance, I usually cook breakfast around 8-9 am, do a load of dishes then, when our kids are in school I seperate the two kids then do the subjects (Social Studies, Government, and foreign language and PE), I also make lunch then, we go between 9 am until 4 pm, then when I need to get something for a lab or project that the kids need we go to the appropriate store to get the supplies in, I go to the gym 3 days a week now, then cook dinner, and work on my side business that I"m working on at the moment and that can go from 7 pm until midnight or even 2 am in the morning.

On top of that, I meal plan an entire week because the cost of groceries are ridiculous, so I plan out meals for a whole week, look at coupons, circulars, sales, and price comparison between our local butcher shop, Costco, or the local grocery store for meats, and I ask everyone in the house (four of us) What each person wants for breakfast, lunches and ask the whole family what they might want for dinners. Now we do have repeated things such as Meatless Monday, Taiwanese or Taco Tuesday we switch up quite often (I"m 1/6th Taiwanese) and Pizza usually on Friday.

Also when we are on breaks like this for the holidays, I am busy doing lesson planning for the next semester and I'm already planning out what I want to get for next year, and will test out both kids this year to see what progress they are and what curriculum to buy accordingly.

Oh as well, I have to record everything and report back to our state of residence and I have two paper planners that show exactly everything that we do during the year, and a digital planner that I have to do lesson planning and click off each time I do a lesson.

Also, as cleaning goes, I dislike having to do dishes, they are a pain in the ass, but it's a necessary chore and if I or my husband are downstairs then one of us will unload and the other will load it up and handwash the handwashable stuff. As well as we will take turns cleaning the upstairs and the downstairs. This weekend we deep cleaned both kids rooms and the bathrooms. We do also have our kids clean up after themselves and one of the things about homeschooling is we teach actual life skills that we were never taught in school or until we were much older because we want our kids to grow up to be productive members of society with sharp minds and good hearts. At the end of the day, we have worked out a solid plan to run this house smoothly and we're making things work for us. I do think that is one of the reasons why we're still together, even after he let me know about his addiction and no matter what happens between me and him, I know that at the end of the day he will always be a good father to our children, and I'll always be there for him in his recovery from this addiction even if for some unforseen reason we divorce. He was my friend before he was my husband and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't help him out in a time of need?

 

Dang, you sound like the Proverbs 31 Wife.

 

That actually sounds like a wife I'd like to have! Good job for supporting your husband like that.

 

I feel this , man. Its also tempting to allow myself to wallow in self pity

 

Thank you but that is definitely not me, I have a fierce temper, my speech gets me in trouble as evidenced in that now deleted thread, and I have a ton of faults.

 

I honestly don’t really care if I marry or not.. it’s the NOT knowing that drives me insane like “anything is possible”. I’m just tired.

 

I agree that no one can replace your partner and you will soon start to miss it, but if you need your own space, maybe just talk to your wife and everything will be fine

 

Well, I don't agree at all since I much rather be happily married and miss those little things I could do while being single, rather than being where I'm now. In other words, never getting laid or even close to a woman, despite killing it in many other walks of life. Although quitting both porn, fapping, alcohol and coffee has helped me a lot in life, I still don't see how I'm going to solve that women/relationship thing ever.

How on earth does your life sound worse than being single while still figuring out even how to get laid?
And yes, I start wondering if those thresholds will ever be possible overcome now, at this age (I will soon be 36 years old). It feels like I missed that train early on and now it has departed forever.

 

I enjoyed being single. Even though threw family events I was always third wheel, it was getting super annoying and always felt so far off in the distance. My siblings would always been in relationships, for me I had this long journey of being single up until now. I don't think I'd go back, but freedom is a wonderful feeling. But on the downfall it felt like I was more prone to PMO.

Not regretting at all being in a relationship now. It all comes from growth and the right timing.