hope4healing
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May 22, 2018 at 1:02 AM
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Birthday:
Apr 9, 1971 (Age: 47)

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hope4healing

Fapstronaut, Female, 47

My brain says, "Who cares anymore?" But, then my heart whispers, "You do, stupid..." Jun 1, 2016

hope4healing was last seen:
May 22, 2018 at 1:02 AM
    1. Αλληγορία Κοσμο
      Αλληγορία Κοσμο
      Once you get distracted doing things out of the comfort zone, then you will have no time to relapse, just time to enjoy with your ruby once he is home on the most beautiful natural way <3
    2. John McClean
      John McClean
      Hello Hope4Healing. I'm honored that you are now following my posts. I wish you great success in your desire to be free.
      1. hope4healing, Kcolrehs and vxlccm like this.
    3. hope4healing
      hope4healing
      My brain says, "Who cares anymore?" But, then my heart whispers, "You do, stupid..."
      1. Never_Return_There
        Never_Return_There
        DON'T RELAPSE !
        Jun 1, 2016
        Love369 likes this.
      2. AllanTheCowboy
        AllanTheCowboy
        Wow! :)
        Sep 7, 2016
        Love369 likes this.
      3. Baldur
        Baldur
        Beautiful!
        Apr 6, 2018
        hope4healing likes this.
    4. hope4healing
      hope4healing
      Effects of PMO addiction can be so overwhelming to loved ones of the addict. Yet, those changes are completely invisible to the addict.
    5. Better Than This
      Better Than This
      Thanks for the follow: I was able to read your posts, and I wish you the best of luck with your husband. Like the spouse of any addict, he needs to see it as a problem for things to get better. I feel for you.
      1. Love369 and hope4healing like this.
    6. hope4healing
      hope4healing
      I'm here, a wife who's terribly broken, but I love my husband deeply and am clinging to a shred of hope...for him, for me, and for us.
      1. Love369, vxlccm, Gamerwife85 and 4 others like this.
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  • About

    Gender:
    Female
    Birthday:
    Apr 9, 1971 (Age: 47)
    Although I've been coming here regularly for awhile to follow along with others' journeys/journals, I'm just now beginning my own. I thought it may be helpful to put my own thoughts out there in hopes of finding a pathway which may lead me to some sort of healing. For so long now, I've been wandering around in a daze, having no idea which way to turn and not really seeing a path of any kind to even begin to take. I want that to change. I need it to change. So, here's a little about my story...

    I'm the wife of a PMO addict. We've been married for 19 years and have been together for 23 years. His addiction had been around much longer than I have, and although there were signs from early on, I didn't know the depth of the problem until much further down the road. For so many years, I was very naive, gullible, and just plain stupid. I've also continued to make the same foolish mistake over and over again...listening with my heart instead of my brain. Even as I sit here knowing how many times that has caused me heartbreaking results, I still have a tendency to do it again. I am, however, starting to get better about it.
    As with many others whose stories I've read here, there have been a series of repeated cycles...I make a 'discovery,' he says he's sorry and hates that he's hurt me so much and promises it will never happen again, I believe him, and it seems to get better. Then, in a week or a month or maybe even a few months, the cycle starts all over again. I am just beginning to realize that part of the reason it's continued unchanged is because I've allowed it to. But, I also know that I'm not completely to blame because he's also chosen to keep it this way.
    I'm now at a point where I know things have to change. Whether those changes will solely be made by me alone or along with changes he's willing to make himself, I don't really know right now. What I do know is that I have no self-esteem left, the anxiety I constantly feel is overwhelming me to the point that I wish I never had to leave the house, and the worrying and insecurities consume most of my thoughts around the clock. Yet, I have to make it through each day doing my best to pretend like I'm ok because I don't want to upset or worry our 4 sons. But, I feel like I'm weakening to the point where I can't keep pretending anymore, and I end up crying in the bathroom or as soon as I lie down in bed at night just to let some of it out.
    Now, though, I'm determined to get out of this hole. I'm so very hopeful that my husband and I will come out of it together, but only time will tell. Either way, though, it has to happen.

    I'm sorry for the long ramble. It feels good to get some of this out, and although there is much more to the story, that's good enough for now.

    h4h
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