141 days porn free, 44 no PMO

I think I feel the same as before. I had and still have save nervous time, because I left my job, and at present time I am looking for better one. It is not simply for me. I still have some withdrawal symptoms. Recently I had problem with my breathing and i felt something in my chest. It seems to be like problem with heart. It couldn't be a problem with my health, because I still have abilities to lift heavy weights, run, do my chores without tiredness. Inside me is a big tension. I hope it is the consequence of my porn rehab.
I have started watching porn when I was 18. I think the cause of it was my family problem, which have been lasting for approximately 3 years. It was terrible time for me and i escaped to pornolandia. Now I am 28. I am good person, but because of porn I always have internal conflict. I didn't want to watch it, but I couldn't resist. I am free of porn since the beggining of this year. It is over 9 months. I am looking forward to become fully free of porno. I want to be in good relation with myself and I know I can only achieve it with absolutly release from this addiction.
To find better job, to met some nice girl, to make some good relationship I need to forget lot of porno scences. I forget a lot, but some is still inside my head.
Couple days ago I masturbated. One day 5 times, next day 3 times. I thought that it will release me from my tension, from my shortness of breath, pain in my heart. It didn't help. I still have these feelings. I suppose, I hope it is my brain which is craving for porn. It must past. I am good guy, and one big mistake was to start watching porn. I will never watch porn again, because it is not interesting for me. I am only looking forward to achieve stabilization, calmness, self-respect, concentration and right perception at reality.
What do you think. How long will it take to completly defeat this addiction? I want to go further with my life, but this is difficult with such a shitty symptoms like i mentioned above. Please, give me some support. I need it.

 

Yes, this is exactly what I really need. I like people, i have a big family, I try to talk a lot with them. But I do not have any friends. In my comprehensive school I had a lot, in my university far less, now almost zero. I will try to improve that part of my life. Thank you for your encouragement

 

In my opinion porn is the biggest problem for me. I haven't masturbated for over six months. After of this period of time I did it two days in a row. Couple times. After all, I felt the same. But one think I can truly say: I am not interested in masturbation. It is just a waste of time for me. It is better to use this energy to make some relation, to work out, to improve ourselves. But I do not treat masturbation as a hellish thing.
I respect your statement, but I have different one.

 

Yesterday I tried meditation. It was strange feeling for me. The pain in my chest has vanished and shallow breath has dissapeared. I need to be careful. After my meditation I had very big power and my abilities to focus and to creative thinking were real. I couldn't manage that state of mind and i masturbated again. I didn't know what to do with my energy. What is worse, !DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AFFRAID OF TRIGGERS! i looked for some yoga exercises. The girl in the movie was naked, it was on the porn site. I didn't watch any other films, but i know that it was close.
I do not want to go back to porn. I want to write it, because yesterday I understood one thing. It is better to avoid any triggers. I am glad that i had power to not watch porn, but this film with the girl would bring me closer to my earlier behaviour of watching porn.
I give myself one question: Why do you do things, although you do not want to do them. I am talking about watching pornography and masturbating. For me it is not because I have tremendous sex drive. I did it when i felt lonely, stressed, tensed. I did it because I didn't accept myself. I need to beat my neurosis. This is my main problem. I need to relax, give a chance to myself, believe in myself, respect myself. I am a human. I have a body, emotions, soul. I need to care for them and everything will be ok. I have to start respect them all.

 

Hello again. This is my last message on nofap forum. Thank you for support. It was helpful for me and i get a lot of knowledge about porn addiction. I know, I was addicted. I was addicted to porn, masturbation. I use them because i couldn't handle myself with my emotions.
I need to leave this sociaty. I need to improve my life. I am 28. I want to build something worthy. Good job, own family, happiness. i think that know i think to much about pornography addiction. I believe this time i have to feed the good wolf. I can't think all the time about paws, flatline, morning wood. If i read it a lot, my mind always circulates around porno.
I was addicted. It is a time to forgive myself.
No more porn in my life. It just ruined everything in me. Let's start to live our good lives.
Best wishes and good luck.
Goodbye fellas

 

Ha great last line!
Don't limit yourself-what you 'need' is to simply try to make each day a good day.
A girl may well turn up.
And you may win Eurovision..

 

I have come back.
I still haven't watched porn for over 9 months. But it is easier to resist it with the support of forum. I need to stop masturbation again, because it is unnecessary. I thought it would help with withdrawal symptoms, but it didn't. I have to be strong, do what I can, exercise, learn, socialise. Now, it is the third day without M. I have to beat my withdrawals, my anxiety, restlessness. PAWS is shitty a lot :/
But fuck it, I will be the master of my life

 

Good. There is no other alternative than making your life better, really.
Learn new stuff, try new paths, keep going.

 

Yes it's a safe link. BBC.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk/8060671.stm

 

I have to face up my fears. Overcome my weaknesses and improve my strengths.
I am 28.

CONS:

• I haven't got job since present month, because i left it.
  
• I have never kissed a girl, even hugged any
• I have lost my connections with my acquaintances from university and high school
• I am lonely. I have a very big family. They support me and I support them, I love them, but I need to build something on my own.
  
• I live in a small family city with my parents. I suppose it is not good. I still feel like a child
• I feel like I can't find my life purpose
• I crave for intimacy
• I can't trust myself al all, especially with my mentality. I had problems with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem. Still have sometimes all of them.
  
• I contemplate all the time about my past and I am scared when i think about my future. I feel like i havent got abilities to live in the presence. I am affraid I am not good enough to feel comfortable with myself

PROS:

• I have a big, great, family which I truly love. Lot of difficult characters, because all of the members are very assertive. Nevertheless we can always count on each other. I am grateful to God he gave them a lot of health and good lives
  
• I am healthy. At least physically I am high (188 cm) with a good weight (90 kg). I do some sports like weightlifting, running from time to time, play football or basketball
• I have graduated university with good marks. I even received a scholarship in my last year of my education
• I play the guitar and the piano. My father have learnt me when I was a child. I still play sometimes
• Despite of my weak mentality I managed to get driving licence, buy a car, get my first and second job, improve my english skills
• I have an orthodontic appliance (braces). It is important for me. I had terrible teeth. Maybe because if it I have never kissed a girl
• I really care for my family. I would have died for all of them without a second of hesitance
• I have beaten addiction to pornography. I haven't watched porn since the beggining of the present year. Give up M for over half year. Really want to stop it completely
• Sometimes i feel good with myself. My libido is on a healthy level, not always, but usually. As well as my brain abilities, include concentration and feeling emotions - the good and the bad ones

10 years ago I could't deal with my emotions. It was a time when members of my family was in a big conflict. My brother and my father argue a lot. They even stopped to talk to themselves. I have started watching porn and later I left my college. I didn't have any motivation to do anything. One year at home, mainly alone -> faped all the time, watched a lot of kinds of porn. And that is all. Later i quited for some period of time, but after all I came back. Again and Again! When i felt bad I watched.
Now it is not an option. If I feel bad, I will think what can I do to feel ok. I assume it won't be easy, because it will be necessary to quit from my comfort zone. It is easier to look at some beauty on my screen and to jerk all the time. But I don't want it. I just only want to hold a girl by her hand and simply love her.
It is my dream. Maybe someday...

 

4th day without M. This day I was looking about semen retention, during it I came across some photos with naked girls. It was rather inelegant photos. I was so close to watch porn. One click, and a could fucked up. Fall again into the shit.
I read all the time about addiction of pornography. I can't do this any more.
As I said earlier, it is a time to forgive myself and forget my past.
It seems to be for me, as I read about nofap, all the time I think about porno and jerking of. Your support was invaluable. Thank you.
I haven't watch porn since January, drastically reduce M (6 monith included in it).
I do not want to watch porn and to masturbate. But I believe, if i stay here I will be still in my addiction.
STATEMENT: do not watch porn again, do not masturbate (as much as I could), use my sexual energy to find a woman (man needs a woman, woman needs a man -->it is the world order), maintenance my body exercises, find rewarding job, respect myself and to never be afraid.
Good bye, again, but this is for the last time

 

The forum become my new addiction. It was my substitut...

 

I have completely stoped to fantasize. Seven days without masturbation nor fantasies. I look at women differently, with respect for them. Maybe because I forgot lot of images from pornography. I even do not crave for pornografy and masturbation. I have morning woods, but it doesn't matter for me.
I am happy that I have abilities to have sex. I do not have problem with erection. But I understand one thing. I crave for intimacy. I want to meet the girl. I want to talk, have fun with her. I want to find good job, but i still do not exactly now which will be appropriate for me.
I am lost. I feel like I lost 10 years of my life. I am terrible nervous because of it. Probably i got back my emotions. I am pissed of myself.

I have so many things to improve. I do not have job, I do not have purpose in my life, I do not have friends, I have problem with dealing with my emotions, I am lonely, I have low self-esteem. Now, when I beat my addiction I need to face with them. It is hard for me. Pain in my chest and shortness of breath doesn't help. For sure it won't kill me.
What a pity that my loved ones don't know what I struggle with. It would have been easier. It is too shameful for me to admit to it