141 days porn free, 44 no PMO

83rd day without masturbation and orgasm and 6 months without pornography.
I just want to share with all of you, that pornography is the worst thing which has happened durng my all life. This addiction just killed my ability to feel good emotions, like: love, friendship, self-esteem, generosity, calmness.
10 years with this shit. It was my fault that I fell into this crap. I take responsibility for my life. I make decision and I know what road will be appropriate for my future. I want to be happy with myself and there is no place for pornography and my silly addiction.
Good day for all of you. We made mistakes during our life, but stay strong and raise your glory

 

When you beat your addiction you can conquer the whole world

 

Keep on keeping on.

 

Cześć!
I would like to write some good statement but I am not sure if my English abilities will be enough to describe what I really want to say.
I do not masturbate for 87 days. Haven't watch porn since the first day of 2018 (after 10 years). It was a hard days, especially when I had stopped to jerk. Although I did not watch porn, during my masturbation I always fantasized a lot about xxx. So, it was a necessity for me to stop this activity.

During the streak it was very hard from time to time. Some periods rather terrible and horribly hard - dizziness, drowsinnes, anxiety, depression, nausea.

I write it because in my opinion it is very important to convince each other what we could experience in the future. Not every man for sure, but it could be you. I had better days also, so do not be so worry.

When you feel like shit, your brain try to force you to give him a dopamine. But you must say to your brain: pierdol się! (fuck you!). You are not my friend right now. You have to change yourself, and afterward we will be in a good relation again.

How i feel after these 87 days:
- better
I think that the most important benefit is that day by day I am still gaining respect for myself. Earlier I didn't even like myself. I am get on well with my brain. We are friends again

And the conclusion is...
This is a time to go further. This forum, this society helped me a lot. But now, I am sure I have to leave all of you.
This is my next step in which I have to get responsibility for my life. I have to socialise more, get some friends, better work, cute girl, and establish my own family.

I want to encourage you - leave pornography and start to feel the life, your good life with freedom and respect for yourself.
See ya. If you want to ask me something, just send me a private message. I will reply for sure.

In addition: I use internet only if i need - bank account, listen to music, check my email, learn english or to buy something. I do not use facebook and others. I want to avoid any triggers, because I know, that I am very weak about looking to gorgeous women. No more porn again.

I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT AND I ACCEPT IT

 

90 Days It is A time, to become a man. Good luck for you

 

It is now 103 day of no PMO. This is a hard time for me, because I feel depressed. This time I understand that during approximately ten years I haven't respected myself. I was the biggest enemy for myself.

I have never even tried to meet a nice girl. I have always thought only about how to fuck and leave her.

Sometimes I feel that inside me are two men. One is romantic, sensitive, generous, and other is brutal, egoist and rude. This is tiring me.

I know, that my addiction have lasted for 10 years. I know, that I must suffer. I beg just only for more strenghts, because sometimes I feel very weak, empty, without abilities to feel deeper emotions.

My concentration is still poor, although I do my work better, I am more efficient.

Couple days ago my drunk father told me, that I am nothing. He said that in my whole live I didn't achieve anything. This situation made my recovery harder. I hope everything will be better.

In addition: every morning I have an erection. However, during a day I do not have sex drive. I stoped thinking about porn, and about sex at all. I like to look at a beautiful girl walking the street, but I do not want to fuck her. It could be a result of stop fantasising for a couple of days.

I will be grateful if someone give me some advices how to regain my motivation, strength, concentration and social-interaction abilities. If you are competent, I will be thankful if you share with me.
Bartek

 

BadWacko, probably you are right. My father have been always demanding. He have never praised me and my siblings. I think, he was using us to make his dreams happened.
Warrior36, time will cure our wounds to recover we need time. I am on 108th day. I think that day by day I am getting better. I know I have to change lot of things, for an instance: find better paid and more demanding job, start to socialize harder, meet nice girl, improve my independance. This is much, I know. But gradually, I hope, I will reach it. As soon as possible. Maybe tomorrow, maybe one week or month later, but this is my aim. To become a true ME

 

115th day. This night i had a terrible erection, which was lasting maybe all night. I felt pain in my penis, as a result of its duration. I also had wet dream. Yesterday I saw lot of gorgeous girls, and it just happened.
I found this graphics in one of the post of this forum

 

These are stages of recovery from cocaine addiction. I believe, this is similar to porn addiction. Now, I am in The Wall and the description of it fits to my condition. Earlier I passed through Withdrawal and Honeymoon. Maybe not excatly with the duration pointed in this graphics, but in that order.
I want to change my life, but I do not already now, if I am ready for it. Should I wait to feel normal emotion again, beat my depression, blame, irritable or should I have to start take this challange.
I do not know if I have enough power and self-respect, to leave my job and to find better. Am I enough healed to make same relationship with girl. I am very impatient and lonely, and I want it from my heart, but I do not know if I am cured.

Couple years earlier I start nofap and i felt cured after maybe 60 days. But it was after two years of watching porn. After my streak, I fell again into this shit and it lasted another eight years. What is the duration of fully recover? only God knows.

I think, that physically I feel much better, however I have hunger for emotions. I am looking for love, passion. If I will get it back, I will be able to improve all aspects of my life. I will be calm, and as the result of my calmness I will sleep better, concentrate better for my duties, and my fears will go away. Now, there is a lot of fear in my heart. The greater part of my heart is occupied by fear.

Stay strong fellas

 

120th day.
Few days ago I deleted badoo and other dating application. I realized that I used it only to find beautiful girls. It wasn't my aim to make some conversation with them, I just only looked. Poor behaviour I think. So, I deleted it. Maybe in real life I will find the love.

 

122th day
I have reduced my time on this forum. This community is great, very encouraging to fight with our weakneses. I have read maybe all of the success stories and this is a good moment to spend less time on the internet. Leaving dating application was also a good step to stop thinking about pornography all the time.
I think that I am addicted to women's beauty. And the access to the internet brang me to PORNO. In this addiction we do not have to do anything. We can see everything, without any effort. Like a little boy who wants to get some sweets. The boy is getting on weight and if he do not get what he wants, he will be angry, sad, and impatient. Just like us. But when he leave sweets, after some period of healthy diet, he will be in better shape. Physically and mentally. At the and he will be happy, healthy and attractive.

 

139th day
Few days ago I gave the termination of the employment contract. I will be working in my current job till the end of September. I am sure it was a good decision, it was a necessity to go further with my life. I couldn't stay there longer, I couldn't developed my skills, I always do the same. It doesn't matter how i tried, my bosses didn't appreciate my commitment and ability to well-organised working. Every day after my shift I went to home with low self-esteem and head down. I am 28, this is my prime time and I could't allow them to treat me like that. I am a bit nervous because of leaving my job, but i truly believe I will find better one.
After my quitting of dating application i felt terribly. Because I stoped to objectifying women and fantasise about them the last bastion of my addiction fell down. I had dizziness, nausea, no energy, poor motivation, drowsiness, anxiety, depression, even trembling hands. I still have some of them, but with lower frequency. It is the proof for me that even dating aplications could be very harmful for our recoveries.
I think that this time I can say one thing. I have normal emotions again. I suppose that my abilities to love came back to my heart. I am Christian and I feel The God inside me, inside my soul. His presence give me a lot of strength.
I have still a lot of fear, but I have to face my demons. Without addiction, I know i will do it.
Sorry for my poor English. I hope I will improve it in the following time. This is international language and I will be glad to communicate freely with all the people in the world.
And the conclusion: I think all of us need to love somebody and to be loved. Pornography is a poison with delayed action. Initially we think that it could replace love. Day by day, months by months, years by years - we just forget what love looks like. When I was a child everyone told me, that I am very sensitive and good-nature guy. I was always helpful and happy. I was a successful boy. Pornography led me to my dark side. I quit pornography, I quit my dark side. I want to sit in the room where the light is shining.The room is my life, and the light is the LOVE.

 

Hey. It is me again. I am 173 days free from M and almost nine months from pornography.
I forget a lot what pornography means. It is a good sign. Nevertheless I am still in flatline.
Few days ago I had a short periods of time, when i got abilities to concentrate a lot and to focus at the presence. It was quite strange for me, cause for the last ten years I couldn't focus on NOW. My mind flee into the future with a lot of fears, and past with my sorrows.
This presence was maybe two or three times, especially during my evening. During this periods i had abilities to relax. And this is marvelous thing for me, because I am usually very stressed and there is enormous tension inside me.
Unfortunately these abilities go away. I think because i got three wet dreams in one week. I had a lot of dreams, which contains a lot of pornographic issues. Even one of them was about my relapse. I felt for a moment, that it was real, but fortunately, not.
However, I think that wet dreams make me weak and I always feel depressed after their occurance. I feel anxious and my level of motivation drop a lot. Sometimes into the bottom.
I have read a lot about wet dreams, and now i know that it was my foult. It was because i drink a lot of water at the evening, eat chocolate, drink spicy tomato juice and it was the consequencies of my behaviour. I have to add, that my subconscious mind want to get orgasm. I thought it will bring me a peaceful mind.
To prevent wet dreams I started to train Kegel muscle. I know wet dreams is not unnatural thing. But... I masturbated a lot during my life, I have watched a lot of dirty stuff, and it was my escape from my problems. I need to rebuild my masculinity and to achieve my body strong and healthy.
What are yours experience about wet dreams? Have you got any tips how to prevent them? I hope, that my flatline is because of it.
With the end of this month I am going to lose my current job. I need confidence, courage, and high self-esteem to get some better one. I cant't afford to be like pussy, with depression and anxiety. Who want to employ me in that state of mind?
I need some encouraging advices. It is a hard time for me with a lot of doubts...

 

I had a dream... I went to toilet to make a pee, and I couldn't. I suppose I prevented a wet dream. Nice Maybe because of my kegel muscle training. Today and yesterday I felt good. Although I am cold, a little, I have good energy level.

 

Good work!
Now perhaps you can expand your self-improvement to work on other parts of your life, such as the loneliness.
Your English is going well.

 

Today I have masturbated. Without pornography ofcourse. Only with my imagination.
I have practised NoFap for over six months. I haven't watched pornograhy since the beginning of this year. I am glad, that I found enough strength to leave this poor habit.
I am asking to myself one question. Why did I masturbated today? With the following hours I came to the conclusion, that it was because of my anxiety. I have something like neurosis and it has lasted for a long time, maybe 10 years I think. Sometimes is better, sometimes is worse.
I need to do something. I am not able to relax and have from time to time pain in my chest with shallow breath. I take magnesium. I hope it will help with my problem.
Hard time for me. I left my former job, because i want to find some better.
After leaving pornography I assume that this time i have to beat my anxiety and neurosis.
The worst for me... I am Christian, I believe in God, I never hurt anybody and i think i don't deserve to feel pain in my chest, in my soul, in my head. I just only want to be normal guy.
I want to find girl, better job, but I know in my present state I can only dreaming about it.
I hope it will be better.
Dobrego dnia!