Escalation - Public Masturbation

No nudity. Talking about bikinis, jogbras, half-shirts, tight one piece bathing suits, and yoga pants that leave little to the imagination (or for me - fuel for my rampant sexual fantasy world).

 

When I am in an aroused sexual state my senses are heightened and I find myself focusing on what ever is most exciting in that micro second. Fit women and single piece swimsuits are a big turn on as well and I know I am putting myself in a slippery situation by going to the gym. Also I live in a cold climate so to see any skin in the winter makes me 'alert'.

 

ILLUSION OF CONTROL
Giving this a lot of thought. When I am masturbating in the sauna, I tell myself I am in complete control because I am hyper aware of my surroundings (every little sound, shadows, observing peoples behaviors) control my pace with Edging letting out small amounts of cum over a period of about an hour (sometime more) and practiced many different ways to quickly hide erections and get rid of evidence (used to eat it but now just rub it on my body - looks like sweating).

The reality is that I am completely Out of Control in every sense.

A silver lining is I have no desire to have any more orgasms in the jacuzzi (It was intense and I felt I had no control)

Porn will certainly fuck with your perceptions of what is acceptable.

 

"The only winning move is to not play"
- WOPR
Using the sauna is a major trigger. Having a hard time not controlling urges and setting myself up to fail. Best just to avoid it and not have to worry about relapsing.
If you are like me it is like Jekyll and Hyde - Compulsive behavior always seems to win.

 

Point taken. The gym I usually go to doesn't have any kids in the locker room / sauna but if I let the habit get out of control, I could be busted by someone else. Doesn't have to be a child to get arrested.

 

Great advice - I have been trying to be more mindful through meditation, yoga, breathing but have an issue when I am acting out where I feel like I am almost having an out of body experience where I am watching myself in a pornographic situation like masturbating in the sauna. I have a great imagination - it is like I am directing the camera. Anyone else experience that sensation?

 

I have an excellent visual memory so I have thousands of hours of high end porn stored in my brain. I have ADHD as well so my thousands of thoughts a minute are overwhelmed with extremely pornographic images/flashes

 

I have dealt with it for so long I have lots of coping mechanism to keep the rest of my life in check. Anybody that knows me in the real world thinks I have the perfect life and make it seem effortless. If they only knew how much time my focus is on pornography and sex they would be shocked.

I really enjoy meditation (I am new to it) and hope to incorporate into my daily routine. Sadly when I first started using the sauna it was the perfect place to relax my mind, now I have to avoid it because I am compelled to masturbate. So it goes.

 

I want to start meditation but know nothing about it. Any tips?

 

Hi Jack,
There was a guy on NoFap when I first joined that was super helpful. Here is his introduction to Mindful Meditation. Looks like he deleted his account but luckily the content is still there.

 

Escalation - Red Flags?
Is there anyone in this community that has escalated to masturbating in front of some unsuspecting person live with the intent of being seen?

Up until now my exhibitionism has always contained an element of concealment. Earlier in the summer I was masturbating all the time outside, in my car, on my boat, and on the back porch. In each case I was hidden and no one could see. I would always have awareness if anybody was coming and could hide erection or cum (If I was edging). It is winter and started masturbating in sauna, pool, and jacuzzi (still no one can see me).

Obviously I get a thrill putting myself in sexual situation where I might get caught but I do not want to get caught! My question to those who flash or masturbate in front of, or on someone without their consent–how did you get there? Experiences? Reactions? Have you ever been caught? Recovered? Relapses?

My behavior and addiction to porn has happened so gradually it is like the "put a frog in boiling water v. put in cold water and warm to a boil" example. I have shown poor judgement in the past and want to avoid getting worse. Any insight, would be most appreciated so I don't fall further down the rabbit hole.

 

thanks, i just downloaded the app and did my first session.

 

Quick Update: Bought a new bathing suit that has a better draw string. It might not keep my suit from coming off (If I try hard enough I am sure I could make it happen) but it makes it very difficult to put back on quickly, which is imperative to not getting caught. Creating physical barriers might be just what I need to give me those precious moments that allow my brain to think about the consequences instead of mindlessly acting on compulsion.