Why You Need To Stop Chasing Girls Right Now

This is going to be a long one. A lot of what I am about to say is from experience and I am sure you will find something or the other to learn from it.

Before I begin here's something about me :

1. Today is day 61 in my streak. At this point, controlling PMO is pretty much easy. I am confident that I am never going to go back.

2. I am 21 years old, current in college studying engineering

3. I have had 2 girlfriends in the past and the max I have done to a girl is kissed her and that was 5 years ago.

4. I suffer from loneliness and sometimes mild depression. Some days I feel down and are really tough. But I have faith that everything is a learning experience and as long as I am fighting I am constantly moving forward.


Now the problem is that I am going to be talking about why you should stop chasing girls but I havent had a girlfriend in 5 years and this could leave some readers with the conclusion that I am a sexually frustrated guy who has learned that he cannot get girls and hence is on a mission to convince other guys of the same.

Well, no. On the contrary I am 100% sure that I am going to get girls in the future. I have a sex drive and I do not plan to abandon it, ever. And the entire purpose of writing this is to help people understand a very simple point : chasing girls is the worst thing you can do if you want to get girls.

I have been the guy who chases girls. I have been rejected on multiple occasions. I have had my ego hurt and my self esteem flushed down the toilet. I have blamed myself for being unattractive, having a poor personality, not being like other hot guys, having no dressing sense, being unworthy of love and a long list of self loathing tendencies. But whats more important is that I have to a large extent been capable of pulling myself out of such psychological mess and reinforce faith in myself.

Here are some major ideas that I have realized over time being in such situations :

Are girls a source of positivity or negativity in your life?
If you are in a healthy relationship, then probably you are happy where you are and your image of girls is most likely a source of happiness and fulfillment. However if you have been rejected multiple times and do not get attention of girls, then you could develop a thought process where women become the source of negativity in your life. At this point you are in a dangerous situation because on one hand you do crave women but on the other hand when you think of women you are constantly reminded of the fact that you are lacking something in life and hence you introduce negativity in your mind. The kind of self loathing that follows varies from person to person but I think you get the picture.

The point I am trying to make is that you need to be clear about this. Are you in a phase where girls are a source of negativity? If yes, then most likely the only way to change this bias is to take a step back, give up on women temporarily and focus all your energy into developing yourself till the time you start feeling secure and confident about yourself. By developing yourself I am referring to developing a skill, or reading books to improve your thoughts, taking fitness classes, and so on. Anything that makes you put in work that you will later appreciate.


Your work and the impact you have on the world is what defines you and if you spend your time chasing girls, you will never have time to make that impact. A fundamental truth to realize is that no matter how cool your life is, at the end of the day it is a good day of hard work that will really satisfy you. There is nothing more satisfying that sleeping at night knowing that the work you did that day has somehow moved you forward in your life path, brought you one step closer to your goal and has invariably impacted the lives of others.

Women are drawn to men who know their purpose and focus heavily on their goals. There is no denying this. No woman wants a guy who is obsessed with her all the time and does nothing for himself. No, thats pathetic.

It doesnt matter how you look, it doesnt matter where you are from, it doesnt matter whether it makes sense to you or not, but women (and I really mean the world here) will appreciate you when you are working hard and achieving your life goals. It may take some time but it will happen.

Work hard and you will feel great about yourself but I am sure that you already know this on an intuitive level.

You'll find a lot of people who will try to put you down. But the only persons that you cannot allow to put you down, and the one that matters the most, is yourself.
Essentially, dont put yourself down! This is way easier said than done. If that is what you thought after reading this, trust me I know. I knew that I shouldnt be putting myself down but I still used to do it.

But over the years what I realized was that this had become a very disastrous habit. However, unlike physical habits that are easy to spot, mental habits are subtle and take some time to pinpoint. With me, I used to (and sometimes still do) blame myself for being inadequate to get this really cute girl in my class to go out with me. And this blaming would get out of hand really quickly where I would find myself literally in tears. For a fucking girl who I owe nothing? Its ridiculous, yes, but in that moment that sadness is all that fills my heart. And it feels like shit, maybe you get it.

The point is, this entire cycle is nothing more than a habit that I have strengthened over time. And now I am left helpless every time I go down this path. It took me long to realize this habit and start fighting it. I still havent completely overcome this but I have grown wiser, identified the problem and gather all my rationality to fight this cycle.

I still have days when I feel sad and insecure about myself and those days are tough. But I go through them telling myself that it will all pass and my time will come if I focus on my work/studies and apply myself to make an impact on the economy, on the world, by becoming a highly skilled individual.

 

Just sharing what years of being miserable behind girls has taught me. Its really not worth it.

 

I dont this this is true in all circumstances. For example chasing your life goal for mastering a skill. There is definitely some degree of chasing required there.

But I will definitely agree that this is particularly true when it comes to girls. Especially because there are a lot of factors that are out of your control and that appearing to be desperate in considered to be such a turn off.

 

My pleasure.

I have gone through tough times because I valued girls way too much just because they seemed attractive. Thats a most definite recipe for disaster.

Just want to share this in order to give guys like me a new perspective that could help them out.

 

Well said !