Why do so many heterosexual Men suffer from ''HOCD''

I am the one who is not. Even while I was watching porn I was avoiding to see a naked man there as it made me disgusted. I was rather watching

Spoiler

solos girls mastubation

And I was a consumer of porn for 24 years and it always been like that.

 

If you believe so...

(okay, another anecdotical story)
I have jobbed for some years at the weekends in a porn shop next to prostitutes and with mostly "straight married" male customers, meeting with the other men in a closed separate back part, while also lending and selling all sorts of porn to them, so I am quite aware about the diversity of human sexuality and their common camouflages for the outside world.

We are talking about the HOCD "inflation" : that many guys here, who obviously are afraid and panicking over their bisexual tendencies, tend to self diagnose themselve with "HOCD", supported by others, who ride the same boat. "Yeah right, we all have HOCD, that´s it!" If you have a diagnosis by a professional therapist, I will take that serious, if you have just googled and crawled the internet or forums for an excuse not to face your unwanted sexual triggers, well, you got the idea.

I agree so far. The more important question would be, how much does available porn imprint and influence the still fluid sexuality of young teenagers or even kids, who are exposed to it or seeking it daily themselve.

The huge difference is that teenagers and often still children grow up now with easy available hardcore porn on their phones. I´ve seen my first porn in a gay club, when I was seventeen. Meaning the phase, when first sexual fetishes and preferences were still manifesting was already over then. I knew, what I wanted and what not. If kids make their first sexual masturbation experiences directly with a permanent flow of hardporn material, nobody can really tell yet, how and what the effects will be in the long run, because the phenomenon is too new still. But there were some very good reasons, why there were no minors allowed in adult shops in the past. The main problems are not "gay" or "bisexuality", but a wrecked and twisted by porn sexuality in general. A devastating picture of women and an avoidance of real sexual experiences are just the tip of this problem. Maybe there is a need for a complete new diagnosis field, because that´s not HOCD.

Nobody wrote anything like this. It´s rather the opposite, I hardly doubt that an already manifested sexual preference, whatever may have influenced it in the earlier imprintable phases, can be easily or even miraculous be changed again then, by just a "90 days of rebooting" abstinence wondercure or "just stay away and find a nice girl to marry" attitude. I can see the advantages of NoFap, as I am in it myself, but I also see the limits, what it can do and when it starts to become wishful thinking.

 

You have an entitled, cripplingly insecure, and disrespectful personality. The term for such a person is "narcissist." That's you . I have met people like you, and they all end up the same: living in fear, and always angry at the world. Your muscles are probably tight right now. As a narcissist, you will never find happiness, and you deserve all the hate you get. Remember that.

Also, observe:

1) "I have to be subjected to heterosexual young men being petrified at the thought of being homosexual when they simultaneously have attraction for the opposite sex." -> As an entitled person, you don't think you should have to deal with such a problem, and everyone else should change to make you feel better. You aren't the problem, everyone else is.

Proof of: Entitlement.

2) "Why are these individuals so scared that they may have a slight sexual attraction towards other Men? WHY? Stop obsessing about it. Its a non-issue." -> Disrespecting and dismissing other people's opinions to make yourself feel better, instead of facing them head on.

Proof of: Disrespect.

3) "I believe the reason for HOCD is homophobia and bigotry" -> Claim made without evidence, a defense mechanism to try to make yourself feel better about being gay.

Proof of: Crippling Insecurity.

4) "Its as if we haven't moved on in society. Is being homosexual still seen as disgusting?" -> Assuming all people should respect you simply because you are gay -> another example of you preferring entitlement over hard work, to make yourself feel better.

Proof of: Entitlement.

End analysis.

You are young, so I'll throw you a scrap. I don't care if you improve or not, it's your life. Heed this:

If you want respect, start respecting other people, and solve problems. The world needs problem solvers. Figure out how to convert landfills and deserts into agricultural farmland, that'd do it.

 

I'm not going to read all the replies, but the answer is simple: fear.

Men only develop HOCD because they FEAR being gay or bisexual. If they did not perceive homosexuality in a negative light, they would not fear the thought of becoming it. Think about it, when it comes to anything else - music, food, movies, etc and you start to develop new taste or interest in something you were never interested in before it does not cause the same reaction. If one day you discover that you like strawberry ice cream more than chocolate ice cream even though you've preferred chocolate your whole life, it does not result in a compulsive disorder. The compulsive thoughts stem from fear and anxiety. And the fear and anxiety stem from negative perception of the change.

 

That's not what I'm saying, and I didn't suggest such a thing, implicitly or explicitly. I never said being aroused by gay porn makes you gay, only that the FEAR that it does stems solely from a negative perception of being homosexual. I'll make it simple for you:

Guy gets turned on by gay porn
Guy begins to worry he might be gay

Guy tries strawberry ice cream and likes it more than chocolate
Guy doesn't worry he might prefer strawberry

The compulsions stem from fear and anxiety. I never developed HOCD because when I started being aroused by "homosexual" content, I was willing to embrace the possibility of being bisexual. I didn't perceive it negatively, so I never gave it any mind. If anything, I entertained the idea fondly. I eventually realized that I wasn't on the basis that I've never been attracted to men irl, but being attracted to men never became a compulsive thought to me because it was never something I feared. It may seem like a complex issue, but it really isn't. It's just been over-complicated by guys who aren't willing to accept a simple solution.

 

Yea except he knows that the love for ice cream is genuine however he knows for gay porn it's not really what he wants.
Also what straight man would happily be labelled gay? Me personally, I don't care if someone's gay (unless that's their entire personality and all they have to talk about, then I get bored of it) but if I was scared of being gay obviously no straight man wants this. It's not homophobia because you don't care what others do, but you yourself don't want to be gay because you know deep down you're not.

 

That is a total arrogant, entitled and disrespectful "analysis" in itself and in no way contributing anything constructive to the debate, beside trying to discredit and attack the OP as a person. You cannot identify or even shame anyone as a narcissist (which is a personality disorder) by just quoting and misinterpreting a short comment of anyone. According that most simple "analysis" this forum alone would be full of narcissists... Donald Trump is an illustrative example for a typical narcissist in action and even in his most obvious case, any responsible psychologist would be very careful with any kind of fast diagnosis by distance only. Nevertheless do narcissistic people suffer inside and not all of them are toxic or powerful like Trump, but your malicious comment: "As a narcissist, you will never find happiness, and you deserve all the hate you get. Remember that." reveals the same mentality, you pretend to criticize and also a total lack of real understanding what it means to be a narcissistic person. By the way, the lack of empathy is a criteria for diagnosis.
Most talented children are narcissists, that´s a very natural behaviour for them and they for sure don´t deserve "unhappiness or even hate" to assist them for developing into responsible mature personalities.

 

You guys are just proving my point by insisting that you don't WANT to and/or fear being attracted to men (I'm not sure why the word "gay" keeps being thrown around, since most straight porn addicts who start looking at men are still attracted to women). And when I say "negative perception of homosexuality," I don't necessarily mean homophobia. A negative perception could range from not wanting to be attracted to men because you're in a marriage and worry about the repercussions/temptations, to being a complete homophobe, and everything in between. Maybe you worry about the social stigma of being attracted to men. Maybe your sense of identity is staked on being a heterosexual male (god, I hope not). The point is that if the prospect of being attracted to men is negative to you in any way or for any reason, you are at risk of developing HOCD.

When I was neck-deep in my porn addiction, I wouldn't even bother with certain vids unless dick was a focal point on the screen. At the time, I didn't even know I had an addiction, or that my tastes had been warped by porn. I hadn't heard of Nofap, and I actually believed that I was just really and truly that turned on by penises. It didn't bother me one bit. Even without the safety net of "I'll return to normal once I abstain," it didn't cause me any fear or anxiety, and I didn't care that I was becoming more turned on by men. I knew that obviously I was still attracted to women, because whenever I'd be out and about I only noticed women and never noticed men, but I also welcomed the prospect of being sexual with men, especially in certain porn-related scenarios that I won't mention to avoid triggering anyone. I never once got HOCD, and even to this day I believe that some aspects of my bisexual viewing tendencies may be real, and that I'll never truly know until I've abstained for years.

The irony of this is that when I was 14 or 15, I actually developed HOCD and at the time I was barely watching any porn (once or twice a month), and whenever I did it was just looking at foot fetish pictures online (never saw any penises or naked men at the time). The reason I developed HOCD is because once I had a spontaneous erection while standing in lunch line while looking at some guy. I wasn't checking him out, I just happened to be looking in his direction, but I got scared because at the time I was a Christian and I thought it was a sin to be gay. So for a month or two, I was chronically worried about being attracted to men. Luckily, since it was truly a fluke (not porn reinforced), it eventually went away, and I later went on to become an atheist, so homosexuality stopped mattering altogether by the time I started to develop a porn addiction around age 20. The takeaway here is that when I was young and perceived the prospect of being attracted to men as a negative thing, I developed a mild HOCD even in the absence of porn. When I was older and no longer perceived being attracted to men as a negative thing, I partook in behavior (porn viewing) that would almost qualify me as being MORE attracted to men than women (I wasn't), but didn't develop any HOCD at all.

Of course, that's just my anecdote and it doesn't actually prove anything about anyone else, but I didn't share it to serve as evidence. The evidence is in the commentary from anyone I've ever seen expressing HOCD. You can EASILY tell that they're opposed to the idea of being attracted to men. If they weren't, they wouldn't develop HOCD. It doesn't matter whether you think it's real or not (the attraction). Someone argued that the ice cream thing is real whereas the attraction to men isn't a true depiction of what you like. It doesn't matter. It's no different than if you were to get high and binge eat some food you normally dislike while sober. That wouldn't cause you anxiety about your tastes changing, would it? The simple fact is that under the right circumstances and in the right state of mind (however twisted and warped), you were turned on by male imagery as a byproduct of your porn addiction, and if you didn't perceive that to be negative in some way (being attracted to male imagery, not the porn viewing - the porn viewing IS negative), there would be no compulsive thoughts. Again, "negative perception of homosexuality" doesn't necessarily equate to homophobia. It could really be as simple as you don't want to be attracted to men because you're worried about what others might think of you. If there is ANY negative perception involved with the prospect of being attracted to men, you are more likely to develop HOCD. I suspect that the stronger the resistance to the idea, the stronger the HOCD.

 

I personally don't have HOCD, but I definitely don't want to be gay. Can't explain why. Its the same way for people with HOCD. Yea maybe they have negative thoughts toward homosexuality, but since they don't look down on others because of their sexual preferences or say derogatory things, is this such a bad thing? Can't people think how they like?

 

Yeah there is no such thing as half straight or half gay. That's just plain BS. You are either straight or not.

 

Because men is supposed to be seen with women not men. it's not right

 

It's a bad thing if it causes them to develop a compulsive disorder. Of course, they are free to think as they please, but then they should know what the consequences of their thoughts are.

 

You just have no idea of what you're talking about and will never realize how complex this issue really is.

You make it sound like denial, as if porn is innocent. You want the truth? Porn and masturbation addiction will over time cause a significant drop in serotonin (and other calming NT levels in the addict/sufferer). It's this depletion that can cause some guys to develop homo-erotic fantasies and start obsessing over their sexual orientation since it results in anxiety disorders at the same time. It has absolutely nothing to do with denial. In studies with rats, high dopamine and low serotonin has always been associated with confusion over sexual orientation and even homosexual behavior. Don't believe me? Look it up!

There's a difference in innate orientation and artificial sexuality. Porn is a learning process. It's psychology. Association, desensitization and escalation are the real reason behind Hocd. HOCD sufferers like us will have had other problems because of porn addiction and resulting serotonin depletion. I started checking locks after the first 300 pmo sessions or so. Not long after that I developed anorexia. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about if you think porn and masturbation are an innocent way of exploring sexuality. This habit alone is fully capable of destroying a person's wellbeing and mental health.
It took a dick in my mouth to be fully convinced I wasn't gay or bi. I didn't like it all and even felt like vomiting. But guess what. Day after that, looking at porn, same old gay fantasies would creep up on me. And you just eat yourself up over it. THIS is the life of someone with HOCD. It is what porn is truly capable of doing. That's just the beginning. OCD, hocd, they're nothing compared to the clinical depression and full blown anxiety disorders hell has in store for the incorrigible pmo addict. That is the truth.

 

It's not complex. Just read my posts on this thread. The simple fact is that for one reason or another, you perceive the prospect of being attracted to men (whether irl or in porn) to be a negative thing so you have negative feelings about it, leading to compulsive thoughts. If you welcomed the idea of being turned on by men in porn, or were completely indifferent to it, you wouldn't have any HOCD. You even said "you eat yourself up for it?" Why? Who cares? It's just a symptom of your porn addiction. Do you eat yourself up when you get sick and have snot dripping out of your nose? Probably not, because you know it's only a symptom of your sickness that will go away. Similarly, addiction is like a sickness and you should treat the symptoms as symptoms.

The irony of your post is that you think HOCD is complex but pretend to understand that neurochemistry of your porn addiction - something that actually IS complex. All this talk of serotonin and hormones is pseudoscience. Even in well-studied drug addictions, the role of neurotransmitters isn't fully understood. Obviously, dopamine and delta fos B play role in all addictions, but with the data that's out there you could spend a thousand hours researching and still not have a clue what's really going on with your brain chemistry. There's no point in even entertaining the role of serotonin. Just abstain and you will heal over time. Your HOCD will go away if you stop feeling negatively about the things you've done with regards to being attracted to men. You sucked a dick? Seriously, who cares? It's not a big deal to anyone but you.

PS To anyone who thinks curing porn addiction is about restoring dopamine levels, it isn't. Try taking a dopamine agonist like cabergoline for a few months and see if your addiction improves. Think it's testosterone? Try injecting testosterone and see if you feel like your old self. Think it's serotonin? Try an SSRI and enjoy looking at porn with an even limper dick than before. No single hormone or neurotransmitter will reverse or improve your addiction. Only prolonged abstinence will do that.

 

It seems like threads like this are almost inevitably doomed to break down into people insulting each other and/or accusing each other of some form of bigotry. All I can say is; just because someone says they dont like something, it doesnt secretly mean they do and are in denial. Maybe its also rather insensitive to completely disregard the struggles people go through with certain issues because you personally dont experience it. I dont have, and have never had HOCD despite watching non-straight porn for a short while years ago, but I still try to understand it so it can help with my own recovery. All I can think of when reading this thread is this image.



A gross oversimplification of the issue perhaps, perhaps not, I dont know, its nearly midnight where I am and I'm falling asleep so I'm going to log off now.

 

Homosexuality is still seen by many as disgusting and it always will be. While it's becoming more socially acceptable, expecting it to be 100% acceptable is nonsense. I don't have the answer to why people are afraid of being sexually attracted to the same sex. It simply may be because they don't want to break a certain social taboo. My personal take is that everyone can have attraction to the same sex but we are all to ignore it and be in hetrosexual relationships.

 

Probably in my worst horrible nightmares!