Why do guys with attractive girlfriends still turn to porn?

If the PMO use was pre relationship, chances are the reason your partner did not enjoy sex with you and turned you down, is because of the way you had sex, and the way you treated her based on your porn use. A lot of men seem to miss this one.

 

Come on now ladies we're all grown ups here just kiss and make up.

 

Gmork has a point GG2002 you seem to assume/jump to conclusions a lot..

Why are you actually here btw?

 

You said some good things.
Please keep in mind that we don’t bash people’s beliefs here.

 

Ahhh I see you have been appointed the speaker for everyone on NoFap my deepest apologies I did not realize that. I made no assumptions. While you say “you don’t blame anyone” you go on to say that if you had that “release” you would not have turned to PMO and how exactly do you know that you don’t treat your wife like a porn star or that her reasons for not wanting to have sex have nothing to do with how you treat her? Most addicts make this assumption but when you ask the SO they tell a totally different story.

If you think this is my opinion alone please step over to the SO section and read some of the threads.

 

I am not jumping to conclusions I am providing the viewpoint of an SO. Not just based on my personal experience but on the countless other experiences shared by SOs on this forum who experienced exactly what the original poster says. Why am I here? To say things you all don’t like and that make you angry so you can see both sides of the coin. Otherwise all you have is a bunch of addicts agreeing with each other which is not helpful to recovery.

 

Right and why she would not want sex. If you have ever had sex with someone who is MOing to your body it’s not enjoyable.

 

Hi where is the SO section? Is there a specific forum for it?

 

It’s under rebooting in a relationship then you will see partner support which all can see. There is a separate private forum but I have never used it much. I think it’s helpful to see things from that perspective.

 

If what I said had zero truth to it it would not make you angry or provoke the response that you gave me. You would just dismiss or or say hey she sees it from a different perspective. I’m not an SO so while I know that happens in some relationships it does not in mind and move on. But you did not because you suspect much of what I’m saying is true, otherwise why do you care so much? If you honestly believe that your pmo has zero effect on a partners desire to have sex with you okay that’s on you.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong.. But aren't you no longer with your ex, therefore no-longer a 'significant other'?

Just seems a bit odd, you gravitating to a community about your ex's issues..

Maybe you are genuinely trying to be helpful in a round about way...but there's also a danger you're using this community to roleplay out fights you never had with your erstwhile hubby... And that certainly isn't helpful to anyone including yourself...

'' You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar''

 

why do guys with hot girlfriends watch porn? answer- its like driving a new car its fun at first then it gets boring just because some women look super hot they may be super lame in bed

 

I’m an SO currently still in my 18 year relationship/marriage. I also read all over this forum. What @GG2002 has stated is the norm, not just on this site but many others, I personally have not talked to any of the countless women who haven’t felt that way at some level at some point. The deeper and longer into the PA the more likely these feelings are for an SO. What she has to say has extreme value if you are ready to listen.
Other stressors maybe a factor but there is a bottom line that SO’s feel. I to got to that point with my hubby. He became arrogant in how he was in bed, it didn’t feel good, it hurt and he thought he was awesome in bed. But when you have a bruised cervix 4 out 5 times to the point you can barely walk down the stairs it’s not fun, exciting or worth it. I couldn’t talk with him about it for years as he would get angry and it would become another reason to look elsewhere. I have stage 4 Endometriosis that was based in truth but when I didn’t want sex because he was to ruff and way to long I began to use it as an excuse to not have sex, I didn’t want be in pain/discomfort from his Porn sex with me. When I first started to bring it up in the beginning, after I had a few ovarian cysts burst (during sex) he began to make hurtful comments like I lay there like dead fish (his response was he was just joking though). Don’t get me wrong, I’m adventurous, I have always had the higher libido and I also like to have some exciting romps but I also like feel that I am a person and woman not some porn hole to be used.
It became easier for me to say no to sex using my endo as an excuse rather to deal with his fragile selfish ego.
It’s all food for thought and that’s the point. GG2002 is right otherwise addicts will enable each other in their thinking and justifications. We are here to learn from each other and what she is saying is quite possible.

 

I listed my reasons for using porn here, but if you want a more sciencey explanation take a look at the Coolidge Effect, explained here: https://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

There are lots of guys with attractive wives and girlfriends who use pornography, and there are lots who do not. I don't think any of us know which set you will find yourself in. You may sound naive, but that is not a bad thing, and it does not make you wrong. We are all porn addicts (or girlfriends and spouses of porn addicts) so our views are a touch jaded.

Good luck giving up porn now, while you are single, and I hope you stay clean when you do meet the right girl. You might be right, it might be easy for you then.

 

I don´t get it, why are people even together when they can´t talk about the most basic things.
I watched a lot of porn too, but are many men really so numb inside that they can´t see that she is in pain - or is it sadism? Maybe when you moaned in pain he thought you do it out of pleasure, but again, can´t people read facial expressions or talk to each other??

 

You guys are forgetting the biological factors. For me, when I had sex with my partner, in the next day I produce much more of testosterone. Because of the high testosterone in my body, i fap. Now I'm controlling me more, I already had sex two times and no masturbation or porn.

 

For me it’s a little bit of a lot of things.

I wanted to please him because I love him.

I didn’t think it was always going to be
that way, it would happen in phases.

The subtle emotional abuse takes a toll
That It becomes so normal you just learn to deal

I started to believe him that it was me, I was the one with the problem.

Sometimes it was fun and ok

You try to find subtle ways around it (walking on eggshells with physical sex), that’s a lot of mental pressure in regards to Sex.

I lost the ability to be honest with him (egg shells), I didn’t feel it was safe to say anything about for a very long time after I tried so I went along with it. I would drop hints, make comments about my cervix, my joints feel like they are going to pop and such hoping it would be enough.

Thankfully at this point I can tell him when things don’t feel good, he doesn’t take personally like he did and we are communicating like we should. We are not having “crazy” sex and being truly intimate now and it’s so much better. It’s vanilla for now but it’s loving and passionate.

If he thinks something hurt now he asks me and better at telling him if something doesn’t feel good.

 

@Gmork
I get it, but be aware just because she is not currently in a relationship doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She has history with PA relationships and has spent a long time recovering and dealing with it herself, why she is here.
I personally love the fact that she is a tell it like it is kinda person, my husband and I have a lot of respect for her intelligent challenging posts and point of view. You don’t have agree with her but her POV is valid and worth noting from her experiences.

 

I read something the other day about how so many women endure physically painful sex without speaking up as they are embarrassed.