Vanilla (Potential Triggers)

Super helpful reply as I wondered the same thing! Wondering if sexy text photos are ok......

 

Thank you <3

 

I agree with others here. I don't think the distinction between "vanilla" and "other stuff" is a particularly helpful one. If he is totally focused on you while you are making love, and you are doing things that you both enjoy and are comfortable with, then that's great. Enjoy it - make the experience wonderful for both of you.

The only exception I would make is if he had a major fetish/kink (say female domination (FEMDOM) for example) and nearly all of the P he watched was on that one topic. In that case, I would make sure that if it features in your love making at all, it is not a significant part of it. So if he were into FEMDOM, it would still be OK for you to take the lead some of the time, be on top, kiss him roughly etc. but tying him up and whipping him would be best avoided

So in summary, if his kink/fetish is strongly linked to his P addiction, then pander to it only in moderation and make it only a small part of what you do together.

ANH

 

Try asking him if he thinks it would be a problem.

 

@Broken3 With me and my SO, I don't use hj, BJ, BD , BDSM , Role plays, dress ups, excessive teasing, toys, use food, obviously he's not Ming,
videos, pictures, we don't make videos for me even.. Or leave the bedroom (which I have a hard time with)
ETC, or anything else.
"Vanilla" during Reboot.
Obviously, kissing and hands on body... Buuuuutttt you know... Nothing "extra"

 

We marked a day, halfway through the reboot to do BJ.
And are waiting until the end of the year for my hands.
He still says his hands will be a bad idea.
Has said this since he started a year ago.
Prerelapse.
And reintroducing BJ, we know from last time, we will have to deal with the Chaser again.
He said it's easier to break it up tho.
Smaller bits.
The Chaser does not last as long each time or is as strong.

 

This is where Honesty comes into play.
I can't use this A plug.
Because he gets porn flashes.
I like it, he likes it...feels good...
It's still a Bad idea.

 

Yes.
Just because it's "liked" by both parties... Doesn't mean it's a good idea either if it's slowing down the reboot or could cause flashes that could cause a relapse either. Even unintentionally.
(hopefully I explained that ok)


It's sad tho

 

yikes - other than HJ and long ago BJ, there's not a single thing on this thread my wife would have even considered on her randiest day...

 

If he is serious about his recovery. If he wants to quit P but still have an enjoyable sex life. He will not succeed in giving up PMO unless he is honest to himself.

 

The second guessing is awful! I feel like I am on the emotional rollercoaster and I hate rollercoasters. Can't sleep. Can't eat. Cry all the time. Want sex all the time. It's nuts.