Using Trans Pronouns

I've been mulling over this topic, considering making a video about my thoughts. I'd like to hear other opinions.

The question is... Would you use the pronouns people ask you to, even if they don't match their biological sex? Why or why not?

I hope this can be a civil, respectful conversation. I can see why people do and I can see why people don't, so I'm not here to judge or to convince you you're wrong for doing so or not doing so. I'm just curious, if you do or do not, what your reasoning is for making that decision. Assuming, of course, that this is even something you've thought of and considered.

 

I think you might be slightly misunderstanding the question. I'm not talking about the made up pronouns, like zee and zyr or whatever. I just meant like... If a trans woman asks you to use she/her pronouns for her, would you do that?

 

I don't believe any amount of surgery can change what you are regardless to what you identify as. There's no need to be nasty our hurtful to people who live a different lifestyle but identifying as another sex is a personal choice. I think it's alot to expect people to adhere to your worldview and change how they speak english because of how you feel about yourself. I wish I had game like James Bond but it would be unreasonable for me to expect women to fall all over me out of respect for my delusion.

I havn't dealt with that yet so I dont know what I would do. It wouldn't kill me to use the preferred pronoun but at the same time it's totally illiogical to do so. Sometimes its good to be flexible for the sake of getting along but at the same time I'd probably feel like a bit of a sellout for caving to social pressure. Case by case I guess?

 

This is a perfectly acceptable answer, by the way. I know my question kind of seems like all or nothing, but I just want to hear people's thoughts, and that might include saying that it depends on the person.

 

only if they ask me to.

 

Why wouldn't you just use their name? It seems that would fix the issue, right? When do you ever talk to your friend as if you're talking about them?

 

For me, this all depends on so many things.

One of the most important questions to answer, to me, is... what does using their preferred pronouns MEAN to you? I fully agree that you can't change your biological sex. A trans woman is and will always be biologically male, and vice versa for trans men. For some, using preferred pronouns means that you are accepting that person's lifestyle and saying that you believe they are, in fact, male or female. For others, they simply see it as a respect thing, and using their pronouns doesn't make any bigger statement than "I value you as a person and don't want you to feel disrespected."

For me, I think for the most part I've decided I fall into the latter category. I can still have my own beliefs about gender and such while also using people's pronouns, just to be kind.

There are so many other factors though, as well. I think if it were someone who very much did NOT "pass" as male or female or whatever they're trying to pass as, I would have a harder time respecting their pronouns, and I would probably just try to avoid using pronouns as much as possible.

Another factor, for me, is entitlement. I really really can't stand entitled people. I can't stand the notion that if you don't call someone what they want to be called, you're a terrible person. I believe you need to give some respect, yourself, if you expect to get any in return, so I would have a very hard time using someone's preferred pronouns if they are acting that way about it.

Another factor is the huge rise in "trans trenders," or people who are not really trans, but say they are. Such as a tomboy-ish girl or a feminine boy. To me, you have to actually be making an effort to transition if you expect people to call you what you want to be called, because pronouns are like 90% instinct.

Honestly, though, I think the biggest two things for me are 1) what it means to me to use their pronouns, and 2) whether or not they are acting like spoiled, entitled brats about it.

 

that's true so much easier

 

Oh totally. This is absolutely a rare issue. I think it's much less rare online, however. I watch several trans people on YouTube, some of whom I've called by their preferred pronouns and some of whom I have a harder time doing so. As someone who is obsessed with psychology, I just find it to be an interesting discussion to think about why we do or do not want to conform to this somewhat new practice of "respecting people's pronouns."

 

Try that with everyone you know for a day and you'll see how difficult that is... people use pronouns constantly. Sure, if you're only talking one on one with someone, you probably won't use many pronouns. But that's rarely ever the case. Pronouns are extremely common.

 

Definitely a fair point. I think trans people need to be understanding of the fact that it might make people uncomfortable and not demand that from them, or else label them as transphobic. That kind of close minded thinking is ridiculous. Respect does, indeed, work both ways.

For me, it makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable to call people by their pronouns if they don't super look like the gender they wish to present as, but I'm making more of an effort to do so anyway, because I feel it's the kinder way to speak to them. I'm sacrificing a bit of my on comfort, but it's different when you choose to sacrifice your comfort for someone else than when you are being forced to so you won't be labeled as a bigot.

 

Isn't that what we're talking about?

 

Not necessarily... when did I make that clarification? Pretty sure I didn't.... it's very unrealistic to think that you could be friends with someone and never have to refer to them using a pronoun. That's just not feasible in reality.

Even if you're in a conversation with just two people, pronouns are now an important thing. Sure, if you ONLY ever talk to someone one on one, with nobody else there, and you never talk about that person to anyone else, then you might be able to just use their name. But can you honestly point to any friend in your life who you have that kind of a relationship with? It's just not realistic.