URGENT! I cheated. I need help.

I’m going to try my best to get right to the point. I need urgent help because I am pretty much freaking out right now.

I have a pantsing fetish (the prank where you pull someone’s pants down). My girlfriend does not know, and she is definitely not into it because she gets annoyed when I pants her. So, I have no way of participating in my own fetish.

I have a friend group, and in that friend group two of my best friends are dating each other. The guy went off to college, the girl is still here in our town. I have a history with this girl and we’ve always been meaning to pants each other, but it hasn’t worked out. When we both got into relationships, the plans went on hold. However, I’ve been getting desperate.

I have a side business where I resell records and CDs, kind of like a second-hand online record store. She wanted two CDs that I had, and she was willing to pay a lot, so we decided to meet up.

I began to become suspicious because every time she’d text me about it, the boyfriend would text me some meme within the hour. Coincidence? I dunno.

When we finally got to meet for the transaction, it was late at night. We did the sale, talked for about 15 minutes.. and then I brought up pantsing. I pantsed her, and she didn’t do it back but she thought it was funny I think? And I kept trying to do it again. Eventually she got in her car and said she needed to go home. I kept saying she should pants me back but she said she needed to leave. I asked what underwear she had on and she told me. Then we talked about something else for a minute or two and left.

When we went our separate ways we were in super good moods and there were no problems. The whole thing lasted about 20 minutes. But the thing is, she was supposed to call her boyfriend after but she obviously was late because she spent way too much time with me. So he got suspicious.

She tells me that he confronted her about it and that he has a problem with how close we are (we genuinely are best friends and tell each other everything). She tells me she needs to just text me about it tomorrow after she visits her boyfriend at college. I text her the next day and she doesn’t respond.

I see her briefly at school this morning, and I ask her to text back and she is like “haha sorry!”. I got the group to go get breakfast together after class, but she claimed she couldn’t go because of home responsibilities.

I text her and call multiple times after to no avail. The calls don’t ring. She finally answers me and tells me that the boyfriend has asked her to stop talking to me. She says that she didn’t tell him about the pantsing but claims he is just suspicious and uncomfortable with how close we are and how much time we spent on the “transaction.” We clear a few things up, she promises to never tell him or anyone, and then I say I respect the decision and we end the conversation.

Here’s the biggest issue. I don’t trust that she didn’t tell him about the pantsing. Because not only did she block my number and my social medias after the conversation, but the boyfriend also blocked me. That just seems VERY extreme for this situation, and it makes me wonder if she did actually tell him about the pantsing. But she’s never lied to me, never told one of my secrets, and never broken my trust.

I’ve been exposed for this before. In 8th grade, I experimented a little and tried it with a guy. The guy told the whole friend group and I got ridiculed for it. Everybody forgot about it pretty quick, but I’m scared it will happen again. I’m scared my friend group will kick me out if they find out what happened, I’m scared somebody will tell my girlfriend and she’ll dump me, and I’m scared the whole school will think I’m a creep. I’ve done the pantsing thing or at least talked about it to a lot of girls, but none of them know It’s a fetish… but if word gets out, they’ll realize I’m going around trying to instigate pantsing between me and girls I know and I’ll be seen as a creep forever.

I’m widely respected at my school and considered one of the nicest, most pleasant students. I’m super popular. And I really am a good person, but I just have this one inner demon.

I need help. What do I do? What do you think will happen? PLEASE offer me advice.

 

Just a few other things:

The girl said she is not upset with me and that the only reason she was ignoring me was because she did not want to upset her boyfriend. I believe her. I mean we have a history, she’s sent me pics before and we’ve done a few things. I don’t think she had an issue with what I did.

The guy is one of my homies too. His girlfriend told me a lot about how he asks her to stop talking to guys that flirt with her. I don’t think she blocks them though, but I honestly could be fully wrong about that.

Their relationship has had a ton of problems recently. He’s been texting a girl from the friend group a lot and it’s made the girlfriend suspicious. I’ve been giving her tons of advice and I’m the only person she’s told. She asked him to stop talking to her so much, but didn’t ask him to stop completely nor did she ask him to block the girl. He kept on talking to the girl anyways, and she kept getting on him and it’s still a huge problem.

So there’s two possibilities: The girlfriend is lying and actually did tell the boyfriend about the pantsing, or the boyfriend is a control freak and is mad at her for making him talk to his lady friend less, so he’s overreacting as a way to get back at her.

As for my girlfriend, I love her very much and I wouldn’t want to hurt her. I don’t plan on telling her, because I don’t think anything good could possibly come of it. I’m just very scared right now. I started this account specifically so I could improve myself for her, and I don’t want to loose this battle with my addiction in such a terrible way.

Also, to be clear, all the pantsing stuff has always been consensual. I have never done it without asking if it was okay (kind of like how CNC is). The only reason I think people would find me creepy is if they found out it was a specific fetish or if they found out I do it with multiple girls. It’s not even that much different from doing any sexual activity with multiple girls really, it’s just the weird niche fetish that makes people find it weird.

 

I’m not sure if I just saw it wrong at first, but I’m pretty sure the girlfriend just unblocked me? She never unfollowed or blocked my secondary account, but I swear she blocked my main one. I just checked and it’s not blocked anymore. So maybe there’s hope.

Her boyfriend however still has me blocked on both accounts so that’s concerning. Especially upsetting that I’ve just lost one of my best guy friends. I just hope it’s temporary and that he doesn’t find out about the pantsing. Maybe he will just think his suspicions were unwarranted and let her be friends with me again.

 

Yeah there is definitely a chance. He’s always been a super nice, quiet, guy. I’ve never seen him mad or hateful or anything, so this is unusual. The thing is though, him sending me memes and random messages every time I texted his girlfriend about the CD transaction is odd. This could mean that he is just controlling and he’s been suspicious of me even before the pantsing incident. Honestly that’s best case scenario. But yeah still a huge chance she may talk. Although I think the fact that he’s still talking to that lady friend means she’d be more willing to keep it to herself.

 

As I said in the second part of the thread, which I’m sure you didn’t read, I treat it similarly to consensual non-consent. I make sure that it’s something they would either find funny or be into, and if they say the idea of pantsing them is not funny or uncomfortable, then I just won’t do it. It’s that simple.

 

This is very good and helpful advice thank you so much!

 

Yeah I don’t really have any reason to think that she told him besides the fact that he blocked me, which makes me wonder if he knows due to him having such an extreme reaction. Although it would be odd of him not to confront me about it if he did know. It’s a very confusing situation which is why It’s so concerning to me.

 

Just because I didn’t clearly state my guilt doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilt. I wouldn’t be posting this on a literal porn addiction forum if I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t want to bore the readers with my sob story in an already lengthy post, so I got right to the point. I have no idea why you’re so content on tearing me apart about this. I am fully aware of what I did and how it was wrong. I do not need to be told things I already know.