Shut out/down a girl at the gym...

There is just a feeling I get that guys who practice semen retention go too far with it, I just want to provide some balance to that. A lot of people have read the bramacharya stuff, and you know it pretty much says you should become a monk for the rest of your life because the feeling of abstinence is so amazing. Really the end goal should not be abstinence for the rest of your life, but instead to have your sexual energy on a leash. Like you could engage in sex and enjoy the pleasure of that, but not go overboard and binge to porn.

1. Your brain knows the difference between porn and sex because they exist on different pathways. Its safe to engage in sex, it doesn't mean that you will relapse to porn.
2. Your body is constantly producing sperm cells and stores them as excess ready to be used. Your body can store up to 8 billion sperm cells which are made 2 months prior. Your body can release up to 300 million sperm cells in a single ejaculate. Assuming you have completely abstained for 2 months, it would take at least 26 ejaculations to fully deplete your sperm cells back to zero. Point being one ejaculation is not going to return you to feeling like absolute crap.

Personally, I want to go out with girls and have some fun with them. It is challenging to manage your actual libido. I remember one time I was abstinent and this girl was hinting that she was dtf, she wanted to know what I was going to do to her. I kinda lost it and took the bait and told her in graphic detail, which was a huge mistake because she was just teasing me. I ended up with my dick in my hand, didn't look at porn though because I wanted sex with this girl not porn. She didn't message me back for a week. I felt a bit humiliated but learnt from my mistake. When she came back around I cooled my jets with her, acted indifferent and successfully seduced her without being so overt.

Perhaps you could have got with one of these girls if you desired to, perhaps they were just after validation and you would've got shot down if you initiated anything with them. It seems to me the more you ignore a girl that the more they want you, but it wouldn't work in this scenario where you are likely not to see these girls again, so this is where you need to step up and initiate a conversation, ask her how shes's doing, if she is receptive ask for her number tell her you want to see her. If your intuition is right and they are indicating interest then it is possible to get her into your bed.

 

I will start not looking at a woman sexually starting from now, I wanna be a better version of myself

 

I believe you did the right choice and thought nothing of it. Seemingly seems like a fantastic self awareness choice in the state of a Monk mind. The way you describe these Woman is like they were seducing you. I myself wouldn't take notice either for Yoga flexibility pants or crop tops. None the less you don't know how they act in real life if this is what their going for at the gym, they could be seductive elsewhere and it showed. A genuine Woman would spark conversation or small talk at least. Not in a trashy way like this so I understand you made one heck of a nice choice.

 

Well played

 

Hi Warrior,

I admire your approach. Not just with avoiding the women, but the meditative approach you have going. It inspires me that I could be meditating even more to see more benefits. Thank you, and well done on your progress so far.

 

That's great. Your comparison to tiktok and instagram really solidified to me that you're exactly right and this is how we should strive to be. Well done

 

Notice something in your story. There was no direct communication that day, you were in your own head the entire time, and your behavior had nothing to do with them. You were focusing on your own discipline. It wouldn’t have mattered how attractive they were or what they did, you weren’t going to give them the attention they were “asking” for, because it was more rewarding for you to not give them that attention.

Now take yourself out of your own head and put yourself in theirs.

Just like how for you, it was not about them but about you, for them, it wasn’t about you. The first one, who knows what was going on in her head? My best guess is she wanted affirmation that she was attractive. So she chose you. You think it’s because of some mystical aura from your SR. I’m skeptical. I think it’s more likely you believe in it so you feel confident, and confidence is attractive, so it’s kind of like a placebo effect which is still real. Or maybe you were just the closest guy. Doesn’t really matter. But she was trying to get something out of you.
The second one is more obvious, and had even less to do with you. She simply wanted to establish dominance over the first girl by succeeding where the first failed.

Three different people using the illusion of sexual attraction to serve their own egos. That’s how I interpret that exchange, anyway. You did the right thing though. Like you yourself said, if they actually wanted anything worthwhile from you, they’d have talked to you. If you wanted anything from them, you’d have spoken yourself. Instead it’s this juvenile mind game. What is this, Jr. High? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

 

I’ll respond later, eventually. Might take a few days, or weeks because I’m about to go in a work trip, but I have thoughts.

 

That’s because this is how porn starts. It’s queuing a familiar process in our brain, that’s all. I am also in the process of learning, an attractive woman in provocative attire, or even behaving provocatively, doesn’t mean what I thought it means.

I don’t know what it does mean. I don’t think it means any one thing, there are any number of ways to interpret that information. Sherlock Holmes seems smart because he can take tiny clues and build elaborate conclusions from them, but he’s fictional. Of course he gets it right, he’s fated to. We aren’t fated like that, so jumping to conclusions is not advised.

Just some assurance; you weren’t too harsh. You didn’t owe them anything. They weren’t being sweet and innocent either. The second one especially, but the first was blatant enough to get the second’s attention. They were pointedly drawing attention to their bodies in order to get a reaction from you that would gratify themselves in some way. Hence, trying to use you to stoke their own ego. It may or may not have been their intent, but they were not interacting with you as a person of value. They were objectifying you by non-verbally asking you to objectify them.

I am trying to do the opposite. I’m not dismissing them as a pair of THOTs, and the fact that you worry that you were too harsh shows you aren’t dismissing them either. They are people with feelings, and chose to do a silly thing for reasons I’m sure seemed good to them at the time. It was still disrespectful to themselves and to you. Your ignoring them was completely appropriate. I think it was the gentlemanly thing to do.

It’s not a mistake to invest in a relationship with a woman. It should be serious, though. Don’t invest prematurely, and there should be reciprocity. The problem with posing like that in front of you was that it was premature. Sexual desire is for a relationship. For a pair. For a team. It’s not for any sweaty guy they find half cute, and it’s not for any woman in a tight pair of pants.

Yeah, you get it. See, porn has completely saturated our culture. It’s possible that first woman had good intentions. Not likely, but possible. Maybe she honestly thinks the best way to begin a conversation is to stretch her glutes in a guy’s face. That’s how porn shows it. But porn doesn’t show a relationship growing. It takes too much time, it just skips to the good part, and when you skip, that part becomes less good. Becomes bad, really, only it looks good. Romance films and novels also show a fraudulent scenario, by the way. They take more time to develop the “relationship,” but it’s all based on the guy knowing what the girl wants before she does. It’s as much a fantasy as people who just met tearing off clothes in a fit of unrestrained passion. Real relationships are based on communication and trust, and that takes real risk, emotional vulnerability, and compromise. People aren’t interested in that. We want it our way, now.

I… cannot relate. You must be some kind of snacc, my dude.

This is true, and this is the reason I allow for the possibility of honest intentions from that first candidate. Not the second, she really was just trying to dominate both the other girl and you by proving she was more attractive. That first one could have been attracted, and was trying to get you to talk to her. But relationships are based on a lot more than physical attraction, like you say, and if there’s no substantive common ground, there’s no reason to even begin a conversation. This is why solid relationships often come out of friend groups, church, even work, some kind of community. When you go to the same places and do the same things, there’s a greater chance you share similar values. This girl, all you know is you go to the same gym. From the clues she’s dropped, you don’t even go for the same reasons. You’re investing in self-care, she’s hunting.

Other guys would say “who cares about all that relationship stuff. She’s interested, so just hook up.” That’s the culture we’re in. Doesn’t sound like you want that at all, though. You’re investing in yourself, and right now you can’t afford to get distracted. You have better things, and a better woman, in your future.

 

I hope I don't convey myself as preaching the idea one shouldn't look for stable dynamics, now, with that out of the way.

With life being entropic and all that jazz, it's only proper we analyze risks of useless frustration to maximize odds of fulfillment. Just be careful enough to not fall prey to how your mind learned to, once adaptively, operate in a kid-like stage and become hostage to modes of thought that retreat from unexpected, boundless potential.

Expressing one's inner world is terribly difficult but it should be done so despite how bad one may be at it. An ideal, when it speaks, it speaks demandedly almost like a judgmental father. To feel inept and extend your mistake to someone who raises your interest, besides being an eyesore also brings forth rare occasions where lasting intuitive wisdom reveals itself. One may very well leave each others company with feelings of unpleasantness and that's the thing about being informed, blindspots are better dealt with after gathering perspectives. It's true they can be short-sighted but staying in our own heads for too long leads to subtle forms of narcissistic proclivities.

I could virtue signal here by stating I'm a prime example, but it's funny how being aware doesn't automatically make me immune to its shortcomings. I think I can pat myself in the head believing it's a step in the right direction. Just have to remind myself that the destination doesn't stay in one place either. Which brings me back to the paragraph on self expression + meeting others where they're at and the video that I wanted to embed earlier.

Also, It would be awesome if this rant did any good to other than myself. And with that last line I became similar to the types that pave the road to hell with good intention, fuck.

 

Thank you for sharing your story I found it both interesting, impressive, motivating and inspiring.
I have had many unbelievable experiences with nofap especially on a longer streak where magical things started to happen to me with women. I get the feeling that you and I have quite a lot in common in terms of our goals and probably spiritually as well.

I think that you made the right decision without any doubt what so ever. Those women may look good but a man with a higher level of awareness as yourself will see right through that. Their looks carry no deeper meaning or purpose. Looks are just looks.
A wise man knows that good looks will fade over time. For women with that good "look" and that "glow" will fade much quicker than for a man.

Women have very few years in their lives where they are the most fertile and after 25-30 years that energy, fertility, attraction will quickly go away. In our modern consumerist - superficial society with young women brain washed by instagram, "influencers", tiktoks, low quality only-fans women ..and what have you; women aren't as classy, feminine or as restrained as they used to be in the early 1900's. They're no longer connected with reality but instead trapped in an artificial fake reality that is all about looks, subscribers, followers, likes and false "status". Obsessed with that "image" and to keep that false image alive.

Too many modern young women consume attention from other men. Because, as you probably already know.. attention is energy and they feed of that energy. When you practice semen retention and transform that energy into higher levels of consciousness, they can feel that your energy is different. You not only radiate a stronger energy, but a different one. This makes you mysterious and very interesting. Especially women are sensitive to this. Not to mention the pheromones you emit because of retention and higher testosterone levels. They just know they're drawn to you but not necessary why they feel like that.

Women aren't really biologically programmed/designed to approach men. That's what men do to women, so they either try to seduce a you (as you described) or they will approach you but it often results in an awkward attempt that could even turn out annoying. I've seen/experienced women trying to approach men in a silly or childish way because they just don't know how to behave. It's unnatural to them.

Nothing feels better than staying true to yourself and to be in that higher energy that you carry within you.

I don't meditate, at least not the way you do it (I think) but I'd be interested if you had time to explain how you carry out your meditaiton.

Thanks for sharing, good luck.

 

nice story, same happened to me, sometimes, not always
but I remember a girl, some months ago, I was swimming, and she went out of the pool, and while I swam she took a shower, she's really a pretty girl, that kind of girl of 37 yo with nice body, vegetarian food. The swimming suit fit her perfectly. So she started to touch herself while I was swimming, I saw her every time I took out my head of th water to breath. She touched her parts, cleaning herself and staring at me. I could not say anything, but some minutes after this, when she came out of the water she asked, "did you say something?" Of course I didnt.