Sex after a 30 day PMO Hardmode?

Trying to figure out if having sex , which to me seems too soon, after a 48 day no PM and a culmalative 30 day no PMO hard mode run is a good thing to do. I literally worry bc every time I leave the area for 2 plus hours it seems an urge to m hits him. He's told me about it truthfully, but it's still damn frustrating that apparently there is this robotic mindset still in play that while the cats away the mouse will play. And literally his 30 day mode just seemed like a timer game he wanted to beat.
So being that he's still having these urges, I feel like sex is just going to cause him to relapse quicker. I feel like he needs to get the urges under control before he can refresh his mind and body to a new schedule. Am I wrong in thinking this? I'm walking on shattered glass trying to figure out what's best and I just can't think straight any more.

 

The sad thing is that he has lied so damn much I trust nothing that parts his lips. But I'm also at the point where I'm like fuck it all already, the sooner he screws up the sooner I can be adios and away. But I honestly don't feel it's my problem any more to prove anything to him but vice versa.

 

Oh this is where it gets tricky. Those are great for ppl who want to and are willing to slow things down. I've never been that way. I have about a 5 minute start to finish time limit. I'm weird I guess, always have been, but I literally never had any problems with any bf in the past. In fact sex was good with all if them bc we both were usually on the same page. My PA was the first guy i was ever with that drug it out to the point of pain, boredom, and growing resentment....all unknowingly caused by DE. I want sex again, but I don't want to compromise what I like and want. When he's backed away from porn before we are on the same page....or maybe not since I'd pass out happy and he'd be jerking another one out or wishing he could afterwards. But then again he wasn't as free and clear in the past as he tried to lead me to believe. Idk, I do worry about the chaser effect, but on the other hand I don't bc I'm like so what , if he does he can continue chasing it to the wild blue yonder bc I'd be done finally with him and could move forward. I finally know all the truths I've suspected so I've reached a good closure point if it becomes that. But at the same time I want him to succeed . Damned if I do damned if I don't. I've told him for now I need to wait bc mentally after 4 plus years of his bullshit 30 days isn't squat to me at the moment.

 

Jolie I used to think I had me pulled together for most of my life, then the porn addict showed up and lit that self belief on fire. I feel like a house who keeps getting rebuilt only to have the same arsonist show up time after time to torch whatever security gets minutely established.
I put my thoughts and questions out here now bc this is my last go with him. I'm fried. But I'm also contemplative enough to always wonder if I did something incorrectly, so that's where this forum helps me cover all my bases. I guess I've always been like that when it comes to drawing the line. I want to be as fair as I can while still feeling secure in my own beliefs. The members on this forum have been invaluable thus far. Thank you.
Jolie a lot of your posts are spot on. I truly wish the best for you guys.

 

I'm reading it now. I just read some others too. It both angers and comforts me how eerily similar all of the SO stories blend together.