Self Worth

I did have a mini sort of test today. I found myself home all alone and I had to use the computer for a bit. Usually I would lag around online for a little bit... just sort of clicking here or there on a story about some scantily clad female pop star or actress. One thing would lead to another and soon I would be binging on PMO.

Today, when I knew I would have the "perfect" opportunity to indulge in PMO I said a short prayer asking for the strength to resist. I went online, did what I had to do, and shut it down. I left home so I would not be alone and tempted. I consider that a win... a small one, but it is a victory!

Arpy

 

Thank you all for your support on this forum. For me at least, it makes a huge difference to not only have some folks who understand, but also to hear words of support from them. I wish all of you strength and peace in your journeys and I believe we can succeed!

The more I think of it, the more I not only realize, but also to accept that this is a burden that I face... no more and no less. For me, quitting PMO is not a test of my will power or a 30 day challenge. I would probably fail miserably at those things. It is a conscious choice to walk away from a destructive and sinful (in my opinion) habit. I gave it way too much power in my life when I was doing it and when I tried to "just quit", "just stop", "go cold turkey". It is a temptation that I face daily and then move on. Simple as that!

Good luck and blessings to all!

Arpy

 

Hi guys - Just a quick note... I am still on track... no PMO for almost 30 days! Pretty soon I'll be shooting for 45. Been busy so no time to post.

Take Care,
Arpy

 

So, I'm sitting here at the computer and feeling a little bit bored. (Trigger Alert!) Surfing the web looking at basketball scores, reading headlines, etc. Out of the corner of my eye I spot someone (model or celebrity or something) in a swimsuit.... Wow, do my thoughts suddenly go down the wrong path!

It is amazing how one minute I can be congratulating myself(danger, danger) on how well I am doing and the next minute I am feeling those familiar urges. So I will take that as a warning. After I post here, I am going to get my butt in gear and get busy so I am not tempted.

Arpy

 

Thanks Eleven... what you say makes perfect sense. It is true that I have been feeling less tempted and have been thinking about PMO less. However, I just need to remember that I still need to be on my guard. I still need to be aware of triggers & that I'm not out of the woods yet.

I think it has probably been more than 25 years since I've not masturbated for a period of time this long! Hooray for me & now on to 45 days!

Arpy

 

Well I'm up to 35 days! Every new day is a new record for me. There must be something going on inside of me (chemically or psychological) because I do notice a marked reduction in thoughts & cravings if you will. I do know that all it would take is one lapse of judgment for me to fall right back into it.

I think I've been a little smarter this time (like many, I've tried to quit a hundred times before). I hope I am smart enough and strong enough to turn away when temptation comes to call.

Arpyh

 

Thanks Eleven. I appreciate the encouragement! You are right there with me.... as the bottom of your post states "We can do this"! I'm not sure I believed that statement in January or February of this year, but it seems possible now.

Arpy

 

You POM by typing a little to quickly

 

41 days! Thank God that I've been able to keep at it. Happy Easter.

Arpy

 

So I just increased my goal to 60 days. I did this while experiencing the first real sort of temptation I have experienced in quite a while. I may well have been in a stage where my sex drive was suppressed. As of the past few days, I have noticed more women, had more sexual dreams and in general been more "horny". I have been having sexual relations with my wife once or twice a week.... nothing earth shattering, but real sex with the woman I love. I have not been struggling with ED, but still have some PE issues.

Anyway about 5 minutes ago, I had some down time and the thought of MO popped into my head! I had not experienced that in a couple of weeks so I am a bit alarmed! Nevertheless, here I am. I did not surrender to that thought (I could have). Rather, I am preparing to get outside and distract myself. Just a little reminder that I am still addicted to this. I have not been magically transformed, but I must pick up this cross and carry it daily.

Thanks for reading,
Arpy

 

Thanks Eleven. The truth is I most definitely could not control any sort of urge 47 days ago! Those who have faced and continue to face this struggle know what I am talking about.... there is no cure. It is a daily choice to not linger on the tempting image, to not indulge the wayward thought, and to spend time and energy elsewhere. I have the same struggles and triggers that I always did (probably always will), but after a while, I learned that I don't have to be a slave to porn. If you read my early posts, you will see someone who was drowning in a sea of doubt & self pity.... I'm not magically cured, but for 47 days I've kept my head above water!

Arpy