Recovery Should Be Hard

Here's the problem I have with that book (Betrayal Bonds): it presupposes that because we have had certain things happen to us, or have made certain choices, that there automatically something psychologically wrong with us that needs to be fixed. It puts people in the mindset of cause and effect for everything. While I definitely believe it is healthy to be introspective and examine our life choices to see where we can better ourselves, books like these can often cause a person to overly dwell on things out of their control. Sometimes people are just assholes. Sometimes bad things just happen to us. Yes, sometimes there is a pattern to why we do the things we do and it is good to explore that and do what we need to do to heal ourselves, but sometimes life is just life and we have to learn to ride the waves.

There is a danger of becoming too introspective and finding fault or reason when there is none. This is especially true when one is emotionally vulnerable, looking for the answer to "Why is this happening to me?"

I am not discouraging the reading of the book, but I am trying to encourage others to use their discernment when they do read it.

 

You are probably right. I was speaking specifically about the Significant Others of SAs/PAs. Good to remember for everyone though, thank you for that reminder.

 

I will give you that. The “easy” way out is to just continue without recovery, and like it isn’t your fault or your problem. Ignoring you problems is certainly easier than dealing with them. Forcing your SO to have no choice but to move out and move on, so you can find another victim to force your addiction upon is despicable. It doesn’t help that we live in a disposable society, where it is easier to just throw things away and acceptable get something shiny and new. Meanwhile you can get pity and support for shaming your former partner, and create all sorts of excuses or reasons they were at fault, rather than taking a real honest hard look at yourself to realize the real problem plaguing a relationship.