Random thoughts thread!

As in like starting to be conscious of the environment and feelings.

 

As a nursing student, we get some education on it...

Kids start early... there's a bunch of reflexes they're born with. As they age, they gradually go from following rules because they are told to, to bucking the system in their teens. The amount of freedom they have to explore is really dependent on their parents tho... you can have a kid who is nutritionally well, but with a lot of restrictions, or with mental illness, the ability to explore and gain consciousness in different areas is helped or hindered.

Erikson, Piaget, and Kohlberg have theories on child development. Freud too, but we all know he was weird.

https://jmbpsych.weebly.com/uploads/4/7/3/7/47374127/developmental_stage_theories.pdf

http://drgailgross.com/three-developmental-charts-erikson-kohlberg-and-piaget/

There's a lot of reading on it, hopefully those are simple enough!

 

I think there was a misunderstanding; when I meant 'attractive' in my OP, I was specifically talking about external looks.
I actually agree with everything you said. Character, intention, common interests, all trump external beauty in my opinion. (That doesn't mean looks don't matter. ) I was merely playing a thought experiment in my head, realizing that I probably wouldn't care about her looks as much, if we were the only people on the planet. I also don't think I said attraction was solely to boost our ego? Or that a person can't possess numerous positive qualities. Not sure where that assumption came from.

Good for you! You got the whole package! Sucks for the rest of us singletons to hear, but congrats nonetheless.

 

Thanks for the reply bud. Your first sentence was:

"I think we want attractive partners mainly for the ego boost."

I didn't make that up, but regardless, I appreciate the response. And fwiw, I didn't meet my wife until I actually stopped looking. Someone advised me to quit looking for the perfect person...so I did, and ironically met my wife. I also said some prayers everyday asking my higher power to someday put someone in my life I can share my entire self with. I know, sounds far fetched, but that's my story.

It can't be forgotten that I share the same common bond as everyone else here...my struggle with addiction. I love this community and connecting with like-minded individuals. I'm approaching the 60 day mark, which is the longest I've been able to put together since joining in 2018. I'm grateful for all the members and the support I receive.

Wishing you the best bro.

 

"Mainly", not "solely"

Apologies for the bitterness. I am 31 , never had a relationship. I have heard similar accounts like yours. Of people finding their partners once they've stopped looking, and started working on their purpose/getting serious with God/finding meaning elsewhere besides looking for 'the one'. I agree with this. still I can't help but feel left out and lonely. It's tempting to let myself wallow in the self pity, MGTOW-y frame of mind. I know it's not good. Even by reading your account of how you found your wife, I feel this rising up. But this is something I need to work on myself.

Thanks for contributing to the Good here.

 

Look bro, I've been in your shoes before and understand the feelings all too well. It's not fun, in fact, for me, it was downright awful for many years. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, low self worth, anger, resentment, and so on. I also hated when other people used to tell me that everything will be okay and I will eventually find someone. Gosh, I couldn't stand when people said that! So I won't say that to you because I understand...and I'm sorry bro.

Ironically, I DID find someone and things DID work out...and I hope that you will say the same thing as me someday.

Hang in bro...and don't forget, you're not alone. Feel free to message me anytime. I am here for you bro.

 

Having been married to my wife for almost 8 years, I realize now that the “interior” of the woman is 100x more important for a joyful and satisfying marriage than just the “exterior” of her body. Tbh, your wife will grow old one day and also will have her body deformed over the ages and whatever. But her inner person will always be there , either gorgeously kind, gentle, sweet, thoughtful, considerate, loving, etc. or straight up a rotten person.

So find yourself a girl that has the internal character qualities that you value.

And people are complex…they charge all the time. My wife is not the same person she was where we were dating and before we had our first kid. After a bunch of childbirths, and the overall stress of life, her view of me as her husband has changed and so our relationship has drastically changed for the worst…sadly…