Porn has escalated me to extremity, what do I do?

How long has it been since this journey started for you? I'm less than a month in and can feel changes physically and I'm starting to feel it mentally as well. Check out the success forums, these are folks that have fought and won. It's normal to be anxious, feel anxiety, even depression.

Here's how I look at it, and it really changed my outlook and made it more serious but also easier to cope - you aren't addicted to porn as much as the dopamine rush you get from PMO. You're a drug addict, and any withdraw from drug addiction is going to have these negative symptoms, but it's temporary. This is not your new normal, this is a temporary withdraw phase. it goes away. I had terrible mood swings the first couple weeks, I call them peaks and valleys, it's the dopamine receptors in your brain attempting to reset. If you unplug your internet router and plug it back in to reset the connection, it takes a while to get everything synced up again. Your brain is the most powerful computer known to mankind, it'll take it a while longer to reboot and reset.

The man you were born to be is waiting, you just have to repair the damage you've done to yourself, hang in there.

 

I get it, and believe me I've tried dozens of times, maybe over 100 not even sure. Without this place and the incredible tools here, I'd already be back to PMO by now.

Just come here before you wank, not after. Read the stories, engage, and you'll find renewed hope and strength. I've never felt such hope as I do now that I can really finally walk away from this living hell.

 

Totally know what it feels like to cave in and reset.
The important thing is you are back today to try again. Start from day 0 and work at day 1 to not use Porn. One day at a time.
You might have some resets but important when you fall you come and try again (mabey analyse what went wrong and try and build some strategies to make it harder for you to fail next time).

 

Hey dude, I want to tell you my story.. I have just reset my password so I could log back in, as i am hoping visiting and reading your story and writing this out prevents me from relapsing which before reading this I was seriously contemplating, but just hearing I am not alone.. the urges are passing.. and I am reminding myself of everything I am working for!

I am currently 19 days, 21 hours and 17 mins clean at the point of writing this, i keep a counter on my phone as a reminder of how well i have grown and as an incentive to not throw 19 good days away!

I Cant even remember the age I got into porn.. It was young, and I made it an obsession! as time went on, I also moved away from basic naked photos to more harder stuff.. I remember that basic stuff from early years still now, but even the thought of that doesn't arouse me, not yet... I turned to every type of porn under the sun! getting harder-core, stuff which was niche like Scat just to feel that rush I used to feel at the start! (its so much like drugs! where a single line/pill can make you feel amazing.. but then you become numb too it.. and you need more.. or harder drugs just so you can feel it again) the escalation went on and on.. Towards the end the thrill and excitement of the idea of harder... Ban/not-legal ideas started to come into my head... I thank the lord i never crossed that line, and said enough is enough!

I used to think at 11PM, "i need a wank before bed! but i needed to find the right porn! I needed to open 20 tabs with different ones which take my fancy, and then I needed to really work to get to a climax! it was then 12:30-1AM... and iv just wasted 2 hours! I would go to bed over tired, I would wake up for work still tired, i would have a shit day at work, stressing, worrying about not performing at work enough, worrying about loosing my job! I would pick myself up with a wank while working from home in the middle of the day, or in the toilet cubical in the office block. it consumed me!

So I stopped! I changed my life, Starting to look after myself more, starting to pay more attention to my appearance and health and mental health... And I met someone! its still early days, but I actually think if it ever gets to the stage of us sleeping together, I may actually be able to perform! (I met someone a year back, at my peak, and couldn't get aroused!)

last night I had the first sexual dream in YEARS! not even any of the taboo type of thing I was into, it was passionate and loving sex!

I am 19 days in... And its hard! as I said, I was going to relapse.. but I'm not now! Writing this has helped me!

I never thought I could do it! i tried and failed. But i know now at Day 19 that it is only going to get better!

Check out a playlist on YouTube called "Your Brain on Porn" by a channel called "FreeMedEducation" (I cant post the link on the forum apparently)
It explains how the addition work at a medical dopamine level. it might add some enlightenment and help you understand what your body is going through!

All the best my brother! I will pray for you!

 

That's literally what happened to me, you're not alone. I'm not fully committed to it, but I did get more arousal from women after doing nofap. I don't know if it's possible in extreme cases like me and you to come back to normal completely, but we can definitely get better.

 

I don't know if you live alone or with someone, but how about putting your PC in your living room, or any place where you can't watch NSFW?

 

Come back here BEFORE you wank next time, use these stories and this fellowship to find renewed strength and hope. I know you feel like crap today, now imagine next time how AWESOME you'll feel if you come here then didn't PMO.

 

Why don't you try taking it one day at a time. I'm sure things will get back to normal when you have detoxed and rebooted. When you get through this you will no longer be watching porn so all this gay stuff isn't going to enter into your life. In case you are worrying I'm sure you already know this but just to confirm it you can't become gay by watching gay porn it definitely doesn't work like that no matter what some people might say. Even straight men who have tried gay sex for some reason don't become gay because they have tried it. You will get through this if you follow the plan you have set up for yourself. I know it is hard but you will get there.

 

Brother, I feel you. The same thing for me. I've had some success with naltrexone and the TSM, but still not completely cured yet

 

Lately, when I have the urge to masturbate, I close my eyes and try doing it using my imagination, not porn. Even though I may be picturing gay shit, it should still be way better than porn and opening dozens of tabs in search of more dopamine, and in fact, I do get better erections like this since I'm already so desensitized to the pictures. Not saying you should masturbate tho. I'm no expert and don't wanna make you do something that'll work against you, but our problem is porn, not masturbation per se, so if we need this to get by in our journey to detoxification, I wouldn't count normal masturbation as relapsing.

 

I went to extremes content for my PMOntoo, normal.P.was like looking at nothing to me, I needed the most extreme P I could find.

Occasional M without P is not the end of recovery, but the goal is to reset your brain, to get your own dopamine receptors back to base normal. Continuing to M while fighting a PMO addiction is not the clean break your mind and body probably need.

I STRONGLY suggest a 30 hard-mode reset. No P, no M at all. I'm nearing 30 days myself, and the body and mind are vastly better, it really does work. Keep coming back here, use this place as your addiction, come here and read the stories, stay engaged here, and put that phone down. You got this!