Photoshop/Editing

I prefer "dirty posey."

 

New off topic thread... 'What do you call your dirtbox?'

 

I'm glad I made someone laugh today

 

I think it was on the name of a LimpBizkit album

 

Chocolate starfish and the hotdog flavoured water :-/
It's also the name of an Australian band!
@Sadgirl I'm sorry I hijacked your very real and relevant post with all this bumhole talk. Please know that although I've joked about it, I don't mean to take away from the original posts intent!

 

Wow. It's pretty shocking that he verbalized the comparisons. PA addiction or not how in the would did he think this that would be anything but hurtful? Were you ever tempted to mention how he may not have physically measured up in some way(s) to the male "stars"?

 

Agreed. Let's be careful. The original topic is quite serious and legitimate.

As someone mentioned, porn creates the image that all men are well endowed. The very small amount of porn my wife watched with me left her with that impression. Needless to say, it was the bleached bum syndrome in reverse. "Honey, are small down there?"

I feel your pain Jennica and Sadgirl.

 

i just can't believe that society was able to do this women and men for that matter.The fact that since pretty much birth we have learned to care about all of this crap so much is crazy to me. I feel ashamed that I too became a mindless robot at some point.

One thing that society has deemed as normal that really makes me mad is, that men are allowed to have their big giant beer belly hanging over their jeans! but if a women has rolls or a muffin top or ANY belly at all, OMG watch out, killer whale coming through!

Its ridiculous, society shouldn't care about either. ( just if the person is healthy)
(that doesn't stop me from being self conscious cause unfortunetly i have to live in society)

 

No not really but I had some fleeting thoughts. I never really wanted to hurt him by out right making jabs, after his affair that was harder to control as I wanted him to hurt as much as me. I was always taught “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” and usually when I would get angry hurt I would mostly keep it to my self for other reasons too. unfortunately over time that would leave me feeling a bit passive aggressive from feeling like I could never talk about anything with him. Our communication was not that good for a long while. It took a catalytic relationship experience to work on breaking the bad communication cycles. There is a lot more to it that would take a lot of time to explain here.
I never watched porn other than to try and figure out what was so appealing to him as we never could talk about or couldn’t share what he was doing with it with me, he was very defensive when the topic would come up even in a positive way.
To add context in that instance we had some drinks, just had sex and the color issue was more about my Vag then the other as he wanted me to look “shiny and new” so basically younger there, I know that was from the porn saturated mind. His use was was incredibly high, I was honestly shocked at the amount, I knew he watched “a lot” but I didn’t think it was possible to watch that much in a day at his peek.
I believe his issues with comparison was more with him getting older than me but it was in a way that he was essentially taking it out on me. He was super insecure about age, the younger girls (20 something’s) in his mind somehow left him feeling like he needed to know he “still had it”, was attractive to them and so forth. His resentment about it was taken out and projecting on me.

He did develop his own insecurities about himself from watching so much porn. From performance anxiety and even size. I always tried to tell him I loved him just the way he was and was perfect for me. I think some of that carried over to his behavior and assumptions towards me as mentioned above.

 

@Sadgirl

I feel it with you.

 

@Sadgirl, I feel it with you, too. I have a pretty high sex drive and was starving for affection and sex, barely getting it once a month, while he was pleasing himself in the shower when I'd have been happily surprised if he'd crawled back into bed for sex. It's hard to wrap my mind around my SO choosing PMO over me, but I know the secrecy/hiding are part of the allure for the addicted brain. It's not about me, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

 

True dat. Many threads on here with guys asking if they are "too small." Because they see huge wangs on all these porn vids.

So yes--unfair for a man to measure a woman by a standard he's not willing to measure himself.

PAs should know better but I think it goes deeper than just the porn. The porn just conditions us to accept the fake huge tittied, bleach blonde with a tiny waist and fake lashes, wearing slutty clothes and instantly licking her lips the moment she simply sees a penis. Combine this with a hypersexualized media culture, a lack of good sexual education, fathers doing a shitty job of talking to their sons about women and gentlemanly behavior, the cosmetics/medical industry preying on women's insecurities about beauty and other shit and you have a recipe for women being compared like sex toys at a local store.

Our women need more love. Porn takes that away.

 

Totally can relate to this one. I thought I was confident and after emotional abuse and body shaming from my ex who played on my insecurities they eventually resurfaced. I am much better with them but can get caught up in them from time to time still. My hubs has never once said anything to make me feel insecure exactly but his PA certainly made them resurrect again for sure. Now that’s a constant battle within myself to know I’m more than my insecurities but it’s still hard. I still don’t feel my body is skinny enough or defined enough, my teeth aren’t white enough or straight enough, my boobs are too big or small or not perky enough bc their not 20. I nit pick at myself and shouldn’t. My makeup has to be perfect, I have to look good in what I wear, my hair can’t show grays...it’s alot of pressure us girls put on ourselves. And we feel good by how good we think we look. It’s shallow I know since we are so much more then our outside appearance but that’s how society rates us and it sucks

 

I look much different due to medication that saved me. I looked damn good when 3 yrs ago. i went on a medicine to stop my lungs from bleeding and had lung surgery. this med made me gain 80 lbs in a month. ( needless to say 80lbs on anyone that fast will ruin your body. i have stretch marks that are an inch wide) any way i have since lost over 40 lbs. i getting back to my original size) but weight loss on stretched out skin is not pretty.
my husbands started wanting to "F" someone else and looking at P before, i looked like this. i feel like if he didn't want me then. WHY THE HECK would he want me now?

I understand its not that he doesn't want me, its the PA. But as it was said earlier. it doesn't make it hurt any less.

i have started to realize how much society sucks. And how cruel it really is. i am not sure if it is like this everywhere in the world. but where i live it definitely sucks to always be told to look more plastic.

 

How disappointing the world will be if all the women actually start looking plastic....

 

I highly recommend this book which addresses the issue of beauty for women.

https://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Myth-Images-Against-Women/dp/0060512180

 

I think this is less the fault of society and moreso a consequences of how men and women are wired. I'm sure I'll take heat for this, because in today's world it's considered the height of narrow-mindedness to even consider generalizations, but here we go:

Generally speaking (yes I know there are exceptions, for those of you already typing out your responses to me), men prioritize physical beauty over other traits. And while women prefer attractive mates as well, they don't put nearly the emphasis on it that men do. I don't think it's so much that men are "allowed" to have beer bellies, but it's more that if a man has confidence and a great sense of humor, a woman won't care so much that he has a beer belly.

But try and flip the script--if a woman is 50 lbs. overweight, most men (not all) will probably dismiss her as a potential mate, no matter how great her personality is.

From the outset, it can look like a double standard, especially if the guy isn't exactly a specimen of lust himself ... but I prefer to see it as men and women placing different levels of value on physicality.

"Society" doesn't have a clue about what men want.

Spoiler: Triggers: models named

There's a reason that Ashley Graham was on the cover of the SI swimsuit issue. There's a reason Christina Hendricks was voted the hottest woman alive by readers of Esquire magazine (beating out Megan Fox and VS model Adriana Lima). There's a reason Ashley Alexiss has 200,000 Instagram followers.

The standard for feminine beauty that "society" pushes is not the standard that most men subscribe to. Generally, we don't want women to look more plastic.

That's not to say that women should try and fit anyone else's concept of beauty ... but just know that 'society' has been wrong for quite some time, and the marketing folks are only just starting to pick up on it.

 

while this may be true. it doesn't stop men from fapping to plastic women.

Society is the way it is, because we have allowed it to become that way. I don't think beer bellies are acceptable because women allow them. OF COURSE WE WOULD PREFER a healthier looking man . But we also know that there is more to life then looks. We as women, have allowed society to define what we should look like.

But i don't want to get into some major argument. I understand what your saying and i respectfully disagree with your view on

 

Totally! I don't want to get into an argument either, not at all.

I just think 'society' is easy to blame. Really, society is us. Society isn't some shadowy group in a dark bunker, shaping our expectations.

When you say "women have allowed society to define what we should look like," I'm tempted to ask if you mean the same society that's 50% women.