NoFap is just hell within hell.

Gonna have to disagree hard on that one, man. I've spent far too many years of my life being a raging perfectionist, and I would say that behavior comes much more from a place of guilt, shame, and lack of self-worth than it does from a place of being egotistical and wanting attention.

 

I totallt relate to that. That's one reason why I quit these forums a long time ago, and why I still don't do journaling and don't have a counter. Drawing so much attention to every relapse isn't necessarily healthy for everyone.

I started using the calendar method, which worked better for me. Where each time you fail, you mark it on a calendar and tally up your mistakes at the end of the month. That way, when you fail, it doesn't feel like starting over at zero, like it does when you have to reset your counter. It's just one or two little blips on an otherwise positive month

 

Fair enough

 

Well, I think we've discovered the reason you keep relapsing.

I've never, ever, ever heard of a sex addict finding freedom through shame and condemnation. I've never heard a sponsor say, "hey, if you really want to get better, make sure you hate yourself whenever you relapse."

Self condemnation and shame only amplify the feelings that drove you to PMO in the first place. If you want to get better, start by giving yourself some grace. This is the hardest fucking addiction in the world to overcome. This has been verified by literally every single addict I've ever met who has multiple addictions. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else ... they all say, without exception, that sex addiction is the most difficult one to recover from.

It's going to take time, and you're going to have relapses. You've only been at this a year and a half. I go to five in-person meetings per week on average, and I've met guys who took years to start getting some traction. But they got traction.

If you want to give up, that's too bad. But that's your prerogative.

 

There also used to be an excel spreadsheet on this site memebers could download. It's usually made at the beginning of every year.

 

Are you tired enough to get serious about stopping?

I mean, you're what ... 24? Good god, man ... I'm 40. Do you realize how much I would give if I could go back and address addiction this when I was 24? I can't even begin to tell you how much different my life would be today. I currently live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have virtually zero retirement savings, I have no health insurance, I haven't been gainfully employed in nearly 15 months ... it would be very easy for me to get down on myself. And I'll be honest, sometimes I do. But I also know that there's no depression that PMO can't make even worse. And thankfully, I have the presence of a higher power who has forgiven me for my behavior. Whatever my current situation, I know that my eternal destiny will be an experience of fulfillment that I can't even begin to imagine. If that's my God, then there must be a higher purpose worth working hard for. And so I am.

 

I think this just reflects an utterly ungrateful mind. And what if, through a process of learning gratitude, one came to think the exact opposite.

 

I know that feeling of being stuck and making no progress. But think about this.

Nofap works. There are so many success stories. It will fix most issues that you got because of porn and masturbation.

But it will take a long time. You will have to go through many steps. First you need to decide to quit porn forever, then quit it forever, you might have to get rid of your devices. Then quit masturbation and fantasy. Then just live life and let your body heal. Eventually you will need to have sex to get back your libido. Your first attempts will suck, you might embarrass yourself a few times. All the the time the pain of doubt and jealousy (of sexually healthy people) will haunt you.

This^ truly is hell... but let me ask you this. Let's say that after you read this post you will give your best and embrace recovery. You will relapse a few times before you are free, but hey, you will make it, and you will have a girlfriend, a working penis and no sexual issues at all.
Let's say you need 5 years of this nofap hell until you get this (and 5 years is much, you would probably need less, but let's say 5 years).
5 years of hell seems like a lot. Why not kick back and fap as you'd like, 5 years of hell is so much torture?

Well, five years will pass anyway. 5 years will have been gone, but it will make a huge difference what you have done in these years. You can suffer through your recovery for five years and get a normal life... or could take the easy route and fap as you please, but that would mean that after these five years nothing has changed and you're still miserable with your dick in your hand, porn on the screen, depression, anxiety, fetishes and whatever else is plaguing you.

Think about this. Imagine you cold recover completely and become a sex bomb after 5 days of strict hard mode nofap. You'd be hyped. You'd say "Ok boys. Nofap for me for 5 days. Easy. Then it's rock and roll, baby!!"
But 5 days isn't going to do the trick. It will be 5 years. But why being discouraged? 5 days and 5 years have something in common. Both pass, and after both of these timespans your life will look different, depending on your actions.

Maybe you can't imagine yourself getting out of this mess. You're in the middle of the ocean and don't see the land. You have to swim and swim and swim, only seeing water. Just keep in mind that pogress is made in small steps. Maybe you think you don't get ahead or maybe you are even moving deeper into the middle of the ocean, how could you tell, there is water left and right and no land in sight. You have been here for some time so now you can't even visualize what it will look like when land is finally to be seen on the horizon. You don't know how you would feel like. How you would feel if you were in a good mood, with a clear mind and no addiciton issues.

Well... this land exists. You will see it. But first... happy swimming. Happy swimming or happy(?) drowning.

 

But seriously, I was honestly very down yesterday and I didn't read everybody's posts with the attention they deserved. I'm really sorry.

 

Different, even, with just your efforts and intentions. And, the sad part is if someone does give up, it's not like they step out of a circle and stop in time within a crowd. There is a river of darkness that will swallow our life and corrode it into nothingness. Sadly, that will happen even faster to the despondent.

I wish @Star Lord all the best. Numbers and experiences from thousands and tens of thousands simply cannot lie and must mean something to each one of us that have felt the icy and ever tightening grip of any addiction. Letting go will provide improvements over time. I have experienced it, and it absolutely was not easy. Many have a shorter road, some have a longer road, but there is truth in that sustained effort will grant results. Dark days in the past are a powerful ally.

 

A few unfounded, wild accusations and prejudicial overgeneralizations in this post, don't you think?

 

@Star Lord what's going on bro?

 

Dude in coming PM... Keep a look out.