NoFap introduction - SSbackup

Hello. I have had a healthy sex drive for my whole life. When I was a kid, maybe 10-12 or so, we found a playboy in the woods. This was the first time I saw porn. A few years later one of my friends had some hardcore magazines that he got from another friend who swiped the magazine from his dads stash. When I was in high school, the cheerleaders were pretty much soft core porn to me. After high school I remember buying my first magazine (a penthouse). I only bought one for years because I was so embarrassed buying it (this was before the internet was big). I would also tape stuff on HBO late and night. Shows that had sex scenes in them.

The only time in my life when I was forced off PMO was when I went into the military and went through basic training. That time in my life was stressful and I was always tired and busy from the training so it was somewhat easier. At the end of training I felt a ton better and was in great physical shape. I guess part of that could have been from being off PMO for so many weeks. After I got out of training, I resorted back to my penthouse magazine or R rated movies.

Confession time. When I first discovered the internet, I went out and purchased a computer because it meant that I could get free porn on the internet without the extreme personal embarrassment I felt having to buy a magazine at a store. Buying the computer was a double edged sword though. On the one hand I got hooked on looking at all sorts of dirty stuff and on the other I started with online college. I eventually got 3 degrees so I always told myself that even if my motivation to buy the computer was porn, it had productive side effects.

A few years later, I was in college in another state and looking a porn and Fapping regularly. Pretty much daily. Sometimes multiple times daily. One of the bad things related to this habit was every time I met a nice girl, I would be triggered sometimes, especially if she wore tight jeans and was especially hot that day. I would get triggered and then say something out of sexual frustration that was extreamly inappropriate and pretty much doom the relationship from the start. With one girl in particular I really embarrassed myself with inappropriate comments and and still I cringe years later in disbelief why I said that to her and feel bad about it.

After I got a real job, I was looking at porn on a laptop computer mostly and had pic files I liked stored on a CD. I also had a few websites that were favorites that I would check. As the internet developed further my habit grew. I discovered that there was pretty much a bottomless pit of porn on the internet and I would spend literally hours and hours sometimes all day looking at porn and jerking off. As I got older, doing this made me feel lousy physically and mentally. I had always done well for myself job wise but the last 3 years at my last job were really bad. My porn habit got worse partly because I bought an iPad which meant that I could have access to porn basically anywhere. My porn interests also went into strange directions. If I got tired of one fetish area, I would find a new area and the dopamine highs would be as good as ever. I got stressed out at my job and eventually left. I think one of the reasons I got so stressed out was that my porn habit was stressing my adrenal system to the max which didn’t help any when work stress was piled on top.

So now I am pretty much still hooked on porn. And my job situation isn’t good. I don’t have a full time job and my business isn’t going that great. Every time I get stressed out I turn to porn to make me feel better.

I’m not sure how I came across the NoFap website. Probably saw something on YouTube. I Don’t know. I have tried to quit porn many, many times thought the years. I have tried deleting all of my pics, but then a week or so later I am regretting it and trying to find my favorite pics again. Now I have encrypted flash drives with pics and videos but mostly stay on websites or tumblr where there is infinite porn. The no end to porn on tumblr is why I decided to do NoFap. I felt like it was an unending addiction that was sucking my time, making me feel horrible physically and mentally and distracting me from the things I needed to focus on like my health, finding work, a business, etc. (just to clarify, I use an encrypted flash drive to prevent embarrassment in case a random person found and started using my flash drive. Everything on it is legal commercial copyrighted images from commercial mainstream websites)

My goal is to kick porn for good. I know it isn’t good for me so thats my goal. I will try to use this form to report back with my progress and talk about any challenges I encounter. For example, every time I got to the beach for vacation, I am always sitting beside some college girls in bikinis. There isn’t anything wrong with that, however, It triggers my brain into porn mode when I see them on the beach. That is always one of my struggles. Another struggle is painted on jeans. That and freaking yoga pants. If I see a sexy women in jeans or yoga pants, I am almost guaranteed to look at porn that day. So that is my story.

I have bought some religious books in the past to try to be “pure” and about the only tool that I thought was useful was something called bounce the eyes. Like if you see some chick in yoga pants and notice it, bounce your eyes onto something else as soon as you notice it. It didn’t really work that well for me though because I would always want to look at her. I also used restrictions on my iPad but I know the Password to unrestricted it so that didn’t work that well either. I thought joining a community and reporting my progress might work better. Can’t hurt to try though.

SS

 

I am here again after falling off the wagon again. I’m getting older and feel that I need to get this monkey off my back so I can focus more on life.

My strategy this year is both no pmo and minimalism when it comes to internet and smartphone usage. I think general internet use can trigger porn impulsive behavior because it makes it a lot easier. If your not even on the internet then it makes it that much easier to battle the fantasies and not indulge them with artificial photos or videos.

My longest streak recently has been last year with 15 days I never could get past that. Then I thought I had it under control after a few months of streaks and went back to my old habits. Trying again. This is my birthday month so I felt like it was a good time to recommit myself to better lifestyle choices.