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New boyfriend, porn addict, help? Part 2

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by alienwitchkitty, Sep 13, 2018.

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  1. Sep 13, 2018 #1
    alienwitchkitty

    alienwitchkitty Fapstronaut

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    Hi all. I recently posted about a new relationship I'm in with a guy who has PIED. He has been non-pmo since day one and was totally honest with me from the beginning. I myself have looked into nofap as an ex of mine was a porn addict, so we have done a lot of researching and talking together and I am super understanding.
    We have only been dating a couple of months and we have come to the conclusion that he needs a full 90 day hard reboot.

    the whole thing has really taken a toll on my self esteem, and as a very sexually healthy person, its been hard for me to have such dysfunctional sex where he is going into his mind of porn when we are together and not in the moment with me.

    We are really compatible in a lot of other ways, but for me to go 90 days without intimacy so early is really scary for me. I have thought about breaking up and maybe trying again once he has done his reboot. He is very understanding of where I am coming from as well, but I feel the disconnect and he is fearful of me leaving.

    I could just really use some advice. Im about to start university and am not sure its a good idea for me to stay thru his reboot. i want to be supportive, but also dont see why i should have to eat the consequences while he is the one with dysfunction. Do i stick it out or do i stay?
    all rhetoric is very appreciated. im at a total impasse. :(
     
    alienwitchkitty, Sep 13, 2018
    alienwitchkitty, Sep 13, 2018
    #1
  2. Sep 13, 2018 #2
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    Intimacy is not only about sex. That's just one part of it.

    Do you see yourself with this person long-term? If you do, then I think that sticking around through the reboot is the perfect opportunity for you guys to strengthen your intimacy...your emotional connection. This is a chance to bond without sex being a factor, and after the reboot, I believe you would be thankful for it. If you leave him during his reboot and then return afterwards, it seems like the relationship is really only about sex, and that most likely won't carry a relationship forever...not a meaningful, deeply connected one, anyway.

    I get what you're saying...it's not fair that you miss out because of something he did. But, if it deepens your intimacy and brings you closer as a couple, you really aren't missing out, IMO.
     
    hope4healing, Sep 13, 2018
    hope4healing, Sep 13, 2018
    #2
    itsoverman, Jason_Tesla_19, Numb and 1 other person like this.
  3. Sep 13, 2018 #3
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    The whole point is to grow intimacy OUTSIDE the bedroom . You can have your own reboot rules . For example, we did 20 days of holding hands , hugs , sitting close so we felt close no O . We were careful what we watched on tv , looked for movies that tugged at your heart . Then we did just kissing , light petting for 30 then for 120 days we did everything but PIV , you do have a say in this . BUT if I were in your shoes ? The relationship is so new , your option of waiting until he gets himself further along in recovery sounds better . If you choose that route , REALLY get to know yourself and your worth too
     
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 13, 2018
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 13, 2018
    #3
    Jason_Tesla_19, NF4L and phuck-porn! like this.
  4. Sep 17, 2018 #4
    Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

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    Do what's best for you. He was honest about a serious issue from the get go and he must really like and trust you. But if you decide to not wait it out and give him a chance after the hard reboot, you have to do what is best for you.
     
    Nugget9, Sep 17, 2018
    Nugget9, Sep 17, 2018
    #4
  5. Sep 30, 2018 #5
    havana19

    havana19 Fapstronaut

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    90 days is really not a long time esp in the context of a relationship where there is at least some mutual affection and potential. If he is serious about getting better and you like him, I would consider sticking with him for 3 months. If he does not improve over time or seems unwilling to try, then you can cut him loose, you have no permanent committment. But...helping another person through something this important is also beneficial for you, it gives you even more perspective and compassion. Because it is such a common problem, I daresay it might be good to have skills to navigate this type of thing in the future, and by staying around, you will develop more skills. Good luck whatever you decide.
     
    havana19, Sep 30, 2018
    havana19, Sep 30, 2018
    #5
    hope4healing and Nugget9 like this.

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