My wish for anonymous and free Sex

I still think this is the worst "solution" you might come up with. It's a free ticket to self loathing and certainly suicide, you said you wanted to experience intimacy and the situation you described at first lacks the slightest amount of empathy. This is pure objectification and opportunism. You'd hate to live one single day in such a toxic form of "committement". Not to forget that it's doomed to fail and completely unrealistic.

You had been using P for years, starting at the malleable age of maybe 12-13 years old. It's not rocket science that you ended up putting sex on such a high pedestal. Trust me, there is nothing positive about being stuck in an objectifying relationship. To the supposed woman, you will be nothing more than a living dildo, and vice versa. Is this what you see as the "cure" ? Me, not at all.

 

There's a few layers to your post man, and I think it's really good to get it off your chest at the very least! Hopefully I can add a few words to help out...

It can be easy to see things in absolute terms these days. Blame it on social media, or consumerism, or any social movement, but it seems there are relationship challenges these days that simply didn't exist just a few decades ago. However, I would urge you to never lose hope - there are a lot of people out there that are good people, feel lonely, and want something genuine to unfold. You can make someone's world that much better, and they can do the same in return to yours. It is possible!

Physical looks does play a part, let's be real. But let's also be real, and take a look around and see how many guys with unkept beards, dad bods, short height, or whatever other 'physical drawbacks' - and appreciate that many of them find partners, and not bad looking ones either. Again, don't lose hope by selling yourself short my friend.

Reading your story it appears you may really be looking for a bit more spark in life? I have the same dream of visiting Tokyo, for me it's all about the car culture (and okay, the food too!), you should absolutely hold onto goals like these to keep the big picture in mind.

And finally, I can tell you first hand that paying for sex, while not 100% a negative experience, is overall something I regret a lot. You are welcome to message me if you'd like to know more on this one.

And one more thing, Tokyo has an interesting demographic where a lot more women move to Tokyo from regional areas compared to men, and the women are more interested in dating than the men, oh and feminism hasn't hit as hard there. Just saying....!

 

You'll get your fantasy only in porn.
I cannot think of any man or woman who will not be attached even slightly to their partner after intimacy.

 

It seems like you are in despair over women, because you can not trust them. And you are right about a lot of women these days only care for money or egoistic and material things. However not all of them. One reason women like egoistic men with a lot of material stuff is because of their confidence and I am not saying that you should be like those men, be the opposite (I try my best as well) but why they consider being with those men is because of the confidence they have. It seems that you have a mindset where you think that you do not deserve a relationship and that is wrong - you do! You deserve the best there is and God will give it to you when you are ready.

About what you said on marriage - It did make sense. I believe in celibacy before marriage, however I see what that sort of behavior can cause. I have been hurt and I have hurt other people for just taking advantage of being intimate without bigger emotions towards one another and that is why I believe that one should at least be sure about the partners agenda - willing to go all the way to marriage.

You should not pay for sex, at least in my opinion. It is your money however but I do think that it will just cause you more suffering. It is just like p*rn, objectifying people for lust. Lust is the exact thing that makes PMO so bad, it kills you slowly bacause you crave pleasure above real connections with people. I hope that you hear what me and reborn16 have been saying.

I used to believe that I do not deserve real love. And when I believed that I was miserable. I just saw women as object and they sense that - that is why they are not interested - it is creepy especially when one does not have confidence to think that they could be someone that people can fall in love with.

If you feel bad about yourself, do your best to make you the best version of yourself. Instead of focusing to sex and women, focus on being the best version of yourself. I am sure you have heard this a million times on these forums but it is because it is the only way to feel better about oneself. Star with small steps, go for walks, learn a new hobby or focus more on the ones you have. Learn to cook healthy and also delicious food, exercise, read books, meditate, stretches - get of of your comfort zone. BUT START WITH SMALL STEPS THAT YOU CAN HANDLE 15min walks, 5 push ups, 5 squats, once or twice a week. Do not try to be perfect straight away - add thing up little by little as you find more energy to do stuff.

My aunt told me few years ag when I was at my lowest that the more you do - the more energy you will have. It seems weird but it is true. Also accept that sometimes you might fall and be too tired but as with nofap one needs to get up and try again and again and again until one succeeds.

If you are doing stuff like this already - that is good.

You said that you do not want to have children and it might also cause you to feel bad. It is your decision but the reason you want to have sex is primal just so you would have children. Many people say that having children was the best thing that happened to them - planned or not. That is also where the marriage thing comes back since the best place for children to grow up is in a stable home with both parents as role models. However no one is perfect and no one has experience of being a parent and not all parents do a good job - even if they are married they might argue and be toxic. On that part I agree with you. I think however that we should not blame anyone about their parenting since they are doing the best they can, no matter how lacking it might look. Everyone haves external stress and their own life also which will affect their parenting.

You said that your parents were religious and you did not want to follow them. That is okay, everyone has a right to choose their path and everyone´s view of the world is different. Being religious can cause people to speak about metaphorical stuff literally since the experience can not be explained otherwise. Of course those thing can be explained scientifically but religious experiences rarely are scientific for people. I am sure that your religious parent would not have liked for you to PMO. I think that you do not like the fact that you started PMO:ing. That is atleast one part where you agree with your parents, even though you have different views on the world. I think that there might be more but you just explain those things differently.

Also religious people can be harsh because religious experiences change people and their values. They will try to force that view to others since it makes everyone´s life that much better. However only God can choose who will come to faith. Also there are a lot of atheist´s who basically live like religious people - spreading love. They just explain the situation differently. No view is better that that other in my eyes, as long as we aim for the greater good we are all right. However I do think that we will not get there by indulging in lust, gluttony, wrath, lies, sloth etc. That is why some truths are bigger than others. Because there will be someone suffering from those actions - environment, yourself or other people.

Other peoples lust to film their sex has caused bad things to all of us. One of them might be your view of women as just objects. I hope that you will consider what I have said here. Anyways keep crushing nofap and God bless you brother!

 

First of all, I think you did a good thing of writing your thoughts here because you now have the potential to be saved from going down a terrible rabbit hole of prostitutes.

Secondly, everyone here has wrote some excellent responses here so far which I think would be suffice to keep you from going that route. But in order to reinforce why you shouldn't take this path, I'm here to offer my two cents as well.

I want to start by addressing the first issue you brought up.

"I am just too shy and too polite to approach woman. I am also not that good looking guy next door."
Bro, fair enough. But I hope to God that you're not under the impression that you can't drastically change your looks for the better. Because you absolutely and drastically can change yourself outwardly for the better. A simple and effective way to go about doing that would be to start with a few exercises at home: For example, you can go for a jog outside for a few minutes each day. Or if that might be too difficult for you, then you can go for a walk for a few minutes a day and for example, after a week convert walking into jogging, then gradually into sprinting. Additionally (or alternatively), you can also try mundane exercises indoors like 5 push ups for a day for 2 weeks and then 10 then push ups a day the next two weeks. Whatever works for you. Just do some exercises regularly though. On that note, I advise you not to try and go all out, or you might end up losing the habit. The goal is to make you stronger and better looking slowly but surely and to keep going upwards from there you know, not go all out in one or two days and then do nothing the next few months. Babies must first learn to walk before they can run. Right? So take small but consistent steps each day to improve your physical form. And also try to eat healthier if you're not already.

"They [parents] made me sex negative. They wanted to raise a religious/conservative child but they never cared about my problems. This is why I refuse any religions who are saying that sex before marriage is forbidden. I give a damn about this rule. This rule is man made and it has nothing to do with hurting people or not."
Actually bro the rule of abstaining from sex before marriage is tenfold. Here are some key ones.
1) You save yourself from AIDS/HIV and potentially other random diseases if both you and your partner waited until marriage.
2) You will have a much more intimate and fulfilling relationship with your partner (or in this case wife).
3) Additionally, you could also witness first hand the joy of raising kids.

However, if you do unfortunately end up going with a prostitute/escort, then tell me: Are you confident that you won't have any performance anxiety? A number of people who started NoFap (not including myself) was because of PIED and also crippling sex performance anxiety from porn and masturbation. So clearly, even with the shackles of PMO you're still going to have a horrible time if you go down this route.

To you I also say for the sake of humanity - don't go down this route because besides your own self, this vile way encourages women to give up their dignity. One might argue that they just need to make money. Well the reality is that they don't even get paid that much at all. One of the top P-stars who had been in porn business for a number of years said they only made $12k during their ENTIRE career. At the same time, a number of other P-stars have opened up and warned against this industry because of the way they get treated and the lack of respect the producers have towards them. It's so bad that there was even a porn director that once said: "If I ever saw my daughter get into this industry then I would throw myself under a train." The reality is that it's a horrible industry to get involved in.

I would say the best thing to do is to continue your journey with NoFap so that you can heal your perception of women and see them as dignified human beings, and workout consistently, slowly but surely so that you can improve your outward looks as well.

I hope my response and the above wonderful responses are enough to change your mind bro. If you have any questions, please ask man.

 

You cant change the world around you, you can only change yourself. Also, why do you think other people are all happy and don't have problems. They all do, maybe 3% of women are happy with their body, you see them all sexy but they see themself as ugly. They also have other confidence problems etc. P addiction does really have a huge impact on your attitude to other ppl, huge appetite for sex comes from constant stimulation - try not thinking about sex - no fantasizing not even for a second a day - this is a real nofap - its not only about watching things physically - its also about not thinking about it when you close your eye when going to sleep.

 

Sex is more of a human desire/want, than a need. You don’t need sex to survive reality.

 

Do you look like dude in the movie Mask? The one starring Eric Stoltz and Cher?

because otherwise even some ugly doofus looking fellows still get laid.

 

nice thought, sometimes I forget about it - I use to think about sex in the same way as breathing or defecating (yeah, it's what P turned mi into), buts it's not such a thing. You can live without sex and do wonderful things.

 

Saying “you won’t die if you don’t have sex” is a cope.

 

If you have some time Rollo examines this objectively:

 

Look around you: out of every 50 people you see on the street, less than 5 are in good physical shape and / or look good. Why do you feel so much pressure, Kakaroto? Get out of that bubble and see the real world, the real people. Real people are in the majority, but unfortunately due to the excess of social networks, our eyes are being conditioned to look only at those who are among the 10% of society. We look only at those who fit certain physical standards that have been pushed down the road. The world is not like that, and its model of the world is very distorted, as well as its expectations regarding the female sex. Go live, young man!

 

Bro not to be rude or anything but that character's face was just plain horror. I think ugly is bit of an understatement there lol

 

I'm going to tell you the truth too, I am not handeling this situation any better than you. I also seek to find a decent partner, and I hope I would. Your wish for true companionship is a universal one, there is nothing abnormal about it. We all fear the absolute loneliness, and being cut from all forms of healthy connections. The form of relationship you think of as a solution is nothing more than mutual objectification, you and the other person will never care about each other in any form beyond physical lust. I think the kind of person you are would hate himself as the relation lasts more and more. It might seem great at first, but it will become more and more bitter.

And like @punch54 said, seeking an escort is not a good solution either. It will keep feeding the demand for human female commodification, and perpetuate an environement where females are dehumanized and lose their dignity. We should all stand against this kind of industries were humans are exploited and reduced to nothing more than sex objects. Who would feel no remorse for being involved in an industry linked to human trafficking ? rape ? or deviancy and degradation ? I guess most empathic people would feel horrible, including you.

So, cling to your healing journey and don't throw all your efforts away. It will be all worth it in the end. I am not refering to marriage as a solution, but instead any form of healthy committement is better than what you describe as alternative.

 

I think even men experience that too, both genders have a rush of good feels hormones after each session. And it results in promoting connection and trust between the partners.

 

You're simply sex starved, that's it. And it reflects very poorly on your character. Otherwise what man would choose to be a 'dildo replacement' of a 70 years old hag? I'm sure life is little more useful than that.

Also it's more unfortunate that your hunger of sex made you morbidly cynical about women.

 

You've clearly stated all which you would like to have and do.
Now, how would having sex with a stranger help you move closer to anything on that list?