My unique struggle with Femdom addiction ( almost 24 yo virgin with no gf )

Hallo guys

I am a 5.3 ft guy with average look ...

I have been reading some femdom related threads but i think that i have a worst case then everyone here

I got internet connection when i was 13 , but the problem that my Femdom fantasy was even before i discover femdom on internet , since i was on primary school ( around 8-10 ) i always had this live-in slave for Womens and i was always looking at my female teachers feet and enjoying seeing them slapping/punishing someone else or even me ! and masturbating on some magasine queens pics ...

When i was going to shopping with parents and meets some olders beautiful females i always had an idea to serve them and getting enslaved , i was always saying that why peoples had ended slavery ? coz all of i wanted is to be slave for a women ! especially when i see a film scene with women and her slave it's turn me on !

But watching porn since age 13-14 has only escalated my Femdom to more ... , but it's not the reason !!!

( The only good news is that now my Femdom fantasy works most of the time in my head and when i am home
But i am not getting a lot of Femdom fantasy with girls in streets ... )

I am wondering since the problem it's from childhood and not only porn related ,
If there is any solutions for me to get over it !?

I joined recently a GYM and i am into PUA ( #rsdmax ) since more then year but i am not getting any results
I want to be an attractive guy for females !!! But sadly dominants girls don't exist outside screen !!
and no one is getting attracted to dwarf guys
I have moved to Germany recently and want a better life here !

HELP !!!

 

I said that coz my fantasies have no relation with porn and I was getting my fantasies even before watching porn and I was masturbating on femdom fantasies even before watching porn ...
Porn only was feeding them

 

Dude i think that i am going to relapse to that first extreme thread too mush triggering there !

+ That guys talking in video is liar and he os wearing height insoles from time to tome

Plz i need no advice in PUA
I need only Femdom specific advices !

 

I am trying broh ! But it's hard to quit an addiction of over 12 years

 

Do you think guys if i Fap once a week will be good ?

 

UPDATE:
I had my worst day ever !!!
I was reading every detail of @Aiden5 thread and didn't pay attention to his warning for femdom sensitive peoples
I was intentionally reading his thread on public place and my body temperature has soar as fk !
Before that i was doing ok but after reading his thread things turn out badly , even that was a sad thread but i had a strong arousal and my desires are Wake again at the point that i was saying why i will workout if i am going to get whipped and enslaved someday ? and i had a look at collar space to ask some dommes some questions ...

But i didn't masturbate and i was holding my self from masturbating until i my head start hurting me and until having Nausea and dizziness...

I said that i will just go fall a sleep and every thing will be Okey tomorrow , but sadly that story was hiting on my head like shit and i my brain imagining the life with that slavery life with that women in his story and getting boned

One sided was telling me just masturbate and the other side saying no !!!

It's almost 3.30 am and i am supposed to wake up at 7 am but i couldn't sleep until now !!!

Note : you will not understand the struggle of that trigger if you are not a femdom addict

+ ( I don't now if this considered as relapse or no !!! )

 

Am i posting the thread in the wrong place or why i am not getting enough replies ?
i need a lot of help and positive vibes here !!!

 

I don't wanna read any others threads because in this forum there is a lot of triggeres and probably one thread that i have seen will be probably the reason of my next relapse ...

So yes the problem that our problem not related on porn and even if there is no porn in life we will have the same problem , i remember when i was 12 i was whipping my self a charger cord and imagining a women doing this and also when i was hearing about Kidnapping kids , i was dreaming of getting kidnapped by women and enslaved ...
All of this without even having internet so ...
Like the past year i was masturbating on single females anoncement searching for live-in housekeeper 40h/week
At the point that i tried to hang mysef with Suicide rope at age 12-13 but couldn't do that for the sake of my parents and afraid of pain ... ( i am lucky that's i hadn't a gun )and was thinking of suicide all of my whole life
Being sad why god created me with dwarf physique and the same time cursed me with this femdom illness
It's too mush !!!
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Now let's go the real stuff , you said "Why are we like this and how can we make it go away?"
+i think the reason of my situation that when i was a kid i thought that this is the only sexual relationship i can get with a beautiful older women ....
But now I will tell you my reasons to quit !!!
1) My parents mother/father have spend a lot of money on me and i am their only son so i don't want to break their heart by being a live-in slave because that life-style will force you to leave all of your friends and family
2) It takes only to share 1 photo on social media on a bad slavery position to destroy all your life
3) I want to rise a family some day and have children
4) Let's use mathematics broh :
- There is 1 dominant women for ever 100 submissive men !
- Only almost 5% of females are really dominant and even the dominant ones will hide their desire and date normal peoples ...
hhh What pool of chances are you fishing on ?? the chances are so lowww !!! it's like searching a ghost
5 ) and this is the sadest part of all reasons , i always thought that dominant womens consider all men as inferiors
But sadly those womens consider only sub mens as inferiors and will never marry or go in serious relation with sub men and never take him seriously, in most threaded and even porn videos , the mistress had a always a boyfriend !! a side of her slave !
Like seriously even in worst of worst cases i will never accept the fact of serving women who is going out with other mens because this considered as a light cuckold
6 ) I want to change my life and be better with females , even you want to keep your sub side if you are bad with girls and not getting enough girl friends you will never find a girl that wants to be the boss of the house !!!
7) Last thing i never thought that living as slave is an addictive thing more then masturbating and that arousing story scared me so mush so i will never try that ! even trying !!! because once you start slavery in real you will never be able to leave !!!

Sooooo
we have no other solution except Quitting this shit
Actually i was masturbating on the last year only twice a week and just to kick away the fantasy for some time ...

 

Update :
Things going out of control !
I think that i should go back to my once a week masturbation again so i can keep my mind clear !
Or maybe try to masturbate to a vanilla video !!!
I was in the class today and i couldn't focus in the lesson my mind was lost and i was at the gym and i was getting a toughs from time to time and getting boned ...
I am losing my balance and concentration !!!

 

Thank you for your reply
What do you mean by doing the way you want ?

And Yes i think the reason maybe because i always was insecure about my looks ...

by the way i unconsciously toughed my dick yesterday when i was typing and a drop of semen wants out ! does this count as relapse ??

 

Thanks for the positive vibes
I am trying so hard I need to have a gf as soon as possible , coz i am being too horny -_-

Do you thing masturbating on normal porn once a week will help ? There is a legend says that if you need to replace every habit of another habit to succeed !!!