My husband won't stop omitting thing.

Agreed sometimes we just have to accept that no matter what we do or do not do it won't change his behavior. That's really tough but you can't change someone. They have to change.

 

Agree
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
At the end of the day..
Its really that simple.

 

You should bring it up when he does it again and again. However after he is told several times that he has hurt you with certain conduct and he continues to do it then what? I think at that point he either cant or wont change. Old habits die hard and if it's his normal reaction to lie that's going to be hard to break. I suggest that you tell him to try to put himself in your situation before he does something and practice thinking how you would feel. Men and particularly addicts really struggle with this. He may say oh this would not bother me so it would not bother her. He needs to really learn to feel what you feel and understand it. And like I said before just seeing you hurt may not be enough to change. You should try some counseling for yourself and together but you are doing all that you can this is on him now.

 

I agree with @GG2002 - counseling is a good idea. I have found very often that having another person talk to the one you are emotionally involved with has far more effect than discussing it between ourselves. Might be that our emotions/guilt/hurt block us from hearing the other party's "truth", or we read more into their tone of voice and body language, or something else, but another party will often get through where we cannot. Just don't let it get turned or manipulated that it becomes your fault....

 

Also remember, that PAs have been lying to themselves and others sometimes for decades, so to suddenly change to an honest and open person is impossible for them. That's why recovery takes time and moves through stages. At some point, typically months or even 1 or 2 years into recovery, they finally stop lying to themselves and then to others, but yeah, it takes time and insight and therapy.

 

Right lying is what has gotten them through life it's almost like a security blanket and you are trying to rip it away in one quick motion making them feel naked and exposed with no defenses. Compare it to a person who has only spoken one language for 30 years and then moves to another country where they know they have to learn the launguage. How long as an adult would it take to become fluent? A very long time. And the person would slip up and use their own launguage a lot. Lying is your SOs first launguage. To others this idea is insane because most people lying is not their launguage so you beat your head up against the wall trying to understand something you probably never will. But think of him as let's say speaking French and he needs to speak English. You have told him that before. But yet again he slips into a launguage that you don't understand and you are yelling at him speak English! Does he want to speak English yes, is he trying to speak English yes, but he can't. If he's made headways in the launguage he's proud of and you fail to recognize them that hurts and discourages him. Remember to you a native speaker, being able to count to 100 is nothing but to him it's something that is very hard and he has worked so hard to do! For lifetime liars telling the truth even 10% of the time is a huge feat! To most people 10% of the time is simply unacceptable. If you want to make this work you have to see things in terms of his reality not yours or most people's. That's why I did not stay. My partner had made some progress but it was very slow and it was not even close to what I would be willing to accept. If I want honesty 99% of the time and he cab only give 40 with the potential of maybe reaching 60% that's not okay with me and the older a person is the harder it is to relearn just like kids can learn launguage like it's nothing but a 40 year old learning a new language is extremely difficult and it's unlikely he will ever speak it as well as if he learned it younger. A SO needs to show empathy in the sense that they can put themselves in their partners shoes. It does not mean feel sorry for him but step outside yourself and think of how he may feel? When you are betrayed and angry this is extremely difficult to do I know I was there. But if your goal is that make things work you have to do that it. I give props to the strong women on this forum that have. I was not married no kids so it was easier for me to leave. Ultimately you cannot change people. They always say when you are deciding to marry picture the person at their very worst can you handle that? Not at the best or how you think you can change them but their worst! If the answer is no then don't proceed.