Moving on with the guilt

Using fear/shame/guilt as a motivator is toxic and won't work long term. You'll just end up letting the negative feelings control you and then you'll relapse, further fueling the negativity. What Redemption is saying is spot on and is giving the best advice here. Work on what you positively gain by giving up this crap, not the negativity associated with relapses.

 

You are describing an addiction cycle and the highs and lows that come with it. You don't have to confess anything you don't want to. But I do encourage you to try to find a safe place where you can. Emotional support will really help and the acceptance you will find from confessing things to others, this forum can be a place to do that, but it also can be a place where people don't handle your story with the honour it deserves, confessing our shame can be extremely difficult, yet also extremely healing, finding a place where people won't shame you and will listen and feel your pain and struggle will really help. I know you feel terrible about this and feel like you can never forgive yourself. But forgiving yourself and moving on is a huge key to recovering. What's actually pretty amazing is that addiction makes us think nobody could ever relate to me, and that I'm so worthless, which keeps us stuck in that addictive rut, but most of the time, there are people who have lived the exact same thing.

If you can, try and identify what triggers the relapse, by doing so, you can identify ways to improve your streak. In my experience, the withdrawals from P addiction were the worst during that 3 to 7 day mark. Then were usually better until the 14 day mark, moving past the 28 to 35 day mark things started really improving.

I would suggest really taking time to think and feel what happened leading up to the relapses. It's easy to want to just hide from everything (shame/guilt). But, to break free from that you have to try and face that shame/guilt, accept the past, and strive to be better in the future. What I think was a breakthrough for me was separating my shame and the acts I hated that I was doing, from the good human feelings that I actually have. Doing this can give a level of peace in these tough times, lean into those good natural emotions and remember that coping with them using PMO is not the answer. You can do it man, keep working, things will get better.

 

The opposite of that would be if he is a threat to himself, seek medical help through therapy. All sorts of advice to be given if we have enough detail of the problem.
Take care

 

I think everyone at one time has thought about harming themselves, but there's a big difference from a random thought and actually considering it as an option.
You'll be fine, good luck in your nofap journey.
Nomo

 

No, you should judge your actions alone without assuming a self being a certain way.

Yes, but the thing is one act doesn't make a person who they are though. We might say we are what we *repeatedly* do, but even then it's relative.

That's the toxic thing about shame. If we ask, not about ourselves but anyone looking to you for advice and encouragement, we would probably agree that any step to start acting right is good and it's a beginning in that direction. It's not going to happen overnight but it doesn't mean it's not worth doing.

I think if one had to choose, it's better to focus just on action than identification and classification of what kind of person you consider yourself to be.

Actually, that identification is itself an action and not really who you are, it's mental activity and repeated doing that, telling yourself you're a bad person is the worst kind of repetitive action. I would suggest ok, at least qualify a little, make a statement like "because of my actions *thus far* in my life, I believe I am a mostly immoral person with regards to sexual behavior at this point in time" - that's specific, owning it but doesn't bias your identity to a pessimistic learned helplessness kind of view.

We don't know how much repetition "makes" a person, or if there's even a point beyond which no change is possible. But assuming such a point can potentially make one not try even when it's actually possible to change.