Moving on with the guilt

You are not obligated to tell nothing. One thing is you lie and other is you DON'T TALK about it.
And people change themselves throughout the years, that's common.

 

Sorry, I disagree. Some details are necessary. If he was a threat to others my advise would be to turn himself into authorities. If he's upset about MO, I would have different advise. Someone saying help me, that's too general.
I did read a few more post and he does say what he did with enough detail that now people can advise him with advice that is more meaningful to him.

 

Yes, this is the most reasonable thing to do in case he really feels like a threat to others.

 

Now that OP has elaborated that he hasn't done anything illegal I agree that he shouldn't go into too much detail if he doesn't want to. As onceaking said people can and will use that against you and you should only tell people you trust, not strangers, and that's if you tell anyone at all. Be wary of sanctimonious moralizers and those telling you that you absolutely have to feel terrible because of what you did. That's a limiting belief and a dangerous one. There's a million miles between doing something perverted and against your morals and being a sex criminal. Work to understand why you did what you did and then work to put it behind you. Best of luck.

 

Given it's nothing illegal, holding on to guilt and shame will not serve you any purpose. Doing something that goes against your core values naturally will bring forward feelings of guilt and shame. The good news is you recognize that participating in this goes against who you are. Encouraging yourself to be ashamed and feel guilt (relieving the same moments of poor judgement) will only encourage a relapse/binge cycle.

I'd suggest practicing a regular mindfulness/meditation practice, in moments when those emotions arise, to help you actually feel the guilt/shame and not resist it. Observe them without judgement. As they say, what you resist, will persist. Avoidance will not be an option either, so once you can readily stand and face those emotions, work towards unraveling the why's that lead you down the path of those decisions, which inevitably brought you to seek out more extreme fetishes.

Regular practice of self-compassion and acceptance is also something that will help propel you forward and work on building the new, versus fighting the old. Our mind is shaped by our habits, so practice healthy habits that support mental fortitude.

I'd also suggest looking for a therapist that specializes in behavioural psychology.

None of this will be easy, it will require daily work and there very well may be set backs along the way. Strive to make an effort daily and assess any momentary lapse.

You also mentioned you don't know how low you can get. Realize that human beings can and will go as low as they see necessary in undesirable situations, whether it's for the sake of survival, perceived survival, avoidance or even a societal norm. When it comes to porn addiction, you are possibly running from some form of emotion/past trauma that lead you to the consumption of more fetishized type of porn and just like a drug, the potency with time wanes, which causes you to seek more and more hardcore fetishized porn. Accept that there can quite literally be no limit to someone's "low" and work towards what I mentioned above.

I hope this helps, best of luck.

 

Not necessarily, criminal is only a legal term, but I think what he's truly worried about is whether he is becoming a depraved man.

 

That's not the point, I think he is worried about becoming more perverse and depraved. There are things that can be considered repulsive enough to warrant guilt and shame without necessarily being illegal.

 

Stop trying to turn this thread into another shitpost. Also, read my entire post before making oblivious responses.

 

What makes you think I am ? I am simply stating things matter-of-factly. I read your post, yet I still disagree with the initial idea that since something isn't illegal therefore shame and guilt serve no purpose. That's all.

 

I said holding on to shame or guilt serves no purpose but lead someone towards a relapse cycle. An initial feeling of shame and guilt is natural when going against someones core values. Holding on to it is not productive in any way and will lead towards repeat of the same behaviour to numb the person from feeling these emotions.

 

Seems very paradoxical to me, if you keep experiencing shame and guilt, wouldn't you normally avoid the behaviour that trigger these feelings in you as they get more intense with each indulgence ?

 

That's the main point, an addict is not thinking normally and acting on a dopamine hit and a desire to avoid a particular negative feeling, which will lead to escalation.

 

You don't need to explain yourself to people. If people don't like how you've explained what you're going through it's their problem.

 

If the root cause is dopamine, then the adequate solution would be to alter the chemincal state of the brain. The question is how to do that effectively ? With vitamine intake, medication, mindfulness ?

 

The problem here is what if he found himself in the deepest and most disturbing corners of P addiction ? Would that be something to take lightly or that mindfulness can cure ? The only solution in this case would be a complete rewiring of the brain, and it will take months and months to do that. The best solution is always to have a therapist in order to deal with these feelings.

 

The root cause is emotional avoidance/trauma linked to a particular high hit of an addictive behaviour, in this case porn. The answer to your questions are in my initial post, where I replied to OP. Beating addiction is not a simple matter of willing your way through abstinence. It's a matter of changing your habits, delving into what leads you to destructive behaviours and working towards cognitive change. In my opinion, medication isn't a good longterm solution. It just turns off the alarm bells in a burning house. The house will still be burning, perhaps you'll become more aware of said burning, but deep work is required to put out the fire.