Making friends as an adult

What can I tell you? I know from lots of bad experience that things generally never get better. I know that sounds defeatist or whatever people like to call it when victim blaming, but it is what it is.

 

You do realize that trauma is different for everyone, right? A one-size-fits-all approach isn't going to solve it. Even the therapists I've seen in the past have told me that. There's actually research, apparently, to show that heavy trauma from your formative years causes neurological (i.e. - physiological) damage.
When you don't have the tools to fix a situation, just how do you do it? I don't know.

 

I should say I meant collectively in the culture this is happening. I mean it's kind of weird that we have to go somewhere that's a business to spend money on something so as to have a place that we can just *potentially* socialize, where that's mostly the case instead of having a lot of stuff where it's not the case or at least directly the case, yes if there's a pot luck people still have to bring stuff and that involves buying something but someone may host at their home or just at the park or something. In other words, I guess being together with people where that's just the norm instead of here I am as a consumer, or the person working at the store or whatever.

Anyway too many people are probably kind of stressed out today too, to say the least. Once in a while though you might have people who are really mellow, I had a check out girl who was kind joking around in a very natural way, and in that scenario where you ask the barista their name they could potentially play with that situation, say if someone was a fan of The Prisoner they could respond with "Number Six." And if you as the customer know the reference you can go "You're not a number, you're a free man/woman!" Rare but that kind of little interaction does happen, and even one person putting it out there can soften the tension a bit.

 

I didn't have any friends beyond elementary school, so the idea of making friends in my 30s seems absurd.
I think this paper is very important and relevant: Sasson NJ, Faso DJ, Nugent J, Lovell S, Kennedy DP, Grossman RB. Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments. Sci Rep. 2017 Feb 1;7:40700. doi: 10.1038/srep40700. PMID: 28145411; PMCID: PMC5286449.
Can't link it directly because of forum rules.

 

I feel blessed to have one very close friend right now.

I was trying to meditate daily after being pretty much friendless for a period of years that kept me from getting depressed about it.

My addiction sunk me deep into isolation recovery support groups are a great place for people like us to start finding some quick relations for example I meet a bunch of cool people at 12 Step meetings but I consider myself a full fledged addict funny thing is I mainly do AA (also non dogmatic groups which seem much smaller in comparison here) going to these makes me feel I can approach anyone anywhere and engage in small talk which I could never really do

 

You just answered your own question with your John 16:33 quote.
Good news is that Jesus wont leave you alone if you give Him all your spare time and seek Him with all your heart. Not just reading Bible and praying daily makes Him your friend but also all interaction with Christians gives a lot of oportunities to meet people of faith and get invided to many events and hangouts.
Sure you cant normally talk with people about masturbation, programming or computers, but you can talk even with non believers about God and Jesus cause everyone have heard something about Them and mostly have even their own opinion ready. However you might think that at this age you wont get many new friends but you not the first one who things like that. I seen people get turned their lifes around for better when creating a living relationship with Jesus.

 

Never have I ever said to someone lets be friends and if someone said that to me it would be hard for me to take them seriously. Saying it seems forced, kinda desperate and not genuine. Real friendship grows through actions and shared experiences, laughing until it hurts, making jokes at each other, and learning about each others life's. Invite people out and see who shows up

 

Too many people have sticks up their asses for that to work.

 

This is very good and actual topic guys, especiall for ex addicts and current pmo fighters, since this addiction is based on loneliness and social distancing, invarding.
So lets continue talking about friend making !

 

I talk to people everywhere I go. The street, subways, cafés, bars, bookstores, et cetera. I talk mostly to women in these locations but I usually make good male friends either through the women I meet or at one of the above locations I mentioned.

Sports are a good way to meet friends too, especially if you're willing to play. I have also used meetup apps to make friends in new cities and they're not too bad.

The sad truth is that it can very difficult to make new friends in your adult life but it's possible if you don't give up. Fortune favours the bold... quiet people don't build new connections. You must constantly say hello to strangers without care or fear if they like you or not. This is the only thing that has worked for me.

Also, if you have moved away from the city you grew up in I would recommend moving back if you can. I've never found friendship at the same level of quality like I had with the people I grew up with (the few that I still know.)

 

Hey, where's the exit door, man?

 

Thats good stradegy. I think you are on to something with sports - finding friends with common interests, in place of interests. Of course saying hello and talking with everyone everywhere. Cause when we are waiting for something and theres other people in the room or nearby, then ussualy phones are taken out to kill time, but thats the moment when new friendships are to be formed. I find that in smaller towns and villages people are more social in a way that they dont see milion people a day and thats why relationships and social interactions matter to them much more. But even in huge cities people tend to live like in small village, interacting with 10-20 people on a daily basis, so in cities people often are more lonely than in villages and country side.

 

The best way for men to find new friends is to share a certain hobby.

For example I am quite good at go-karting and I was doing a few recreative sessions at spa-francorchamps where profs are racing as well. After the session one of these guys that has a go-karting license came up to me and we had a chat about our fight on the track.

And I am also doing boxing and you really form an emotional bond when you are suffering with other men and have to do sparring sessions together. Especially when you get hit fucking hard and you are bleeding, because that's when people really show their good side by caring over you and feeling bad. You really get to know someone's personality that way.

However, will I trust them with my money or alone with my girlfriend or whatever? Nope. That takes years and years and years. I only have two real friends who I trust with my money and those are childhood friends.

 

Youre very technical how to make friends. Just keep it natural human contact. Dont try too much its the worst.
Fake your awesome life it till you make it.
Also can try dating apps looking for ppl like you

 

Its best to always say the truth cause in the end it pays off for the better. You see when Jesus in Gospel of Bible didnt wanted to answer He answered with questions or asked counter question. Theres no shortcut to success. You have to take the stairs.

 

Often churches have young adult groups specifically tailored to the age group that you mention. I met some of my best friends that way at that age.
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Get some hobbies that force you outside of your comfort zone. If you work at home on computers all day, you need something with fitness too. Hobbies that you can share are the key.