JOIN ME: The Start of Something Great

I relapsed again today. I think it was because whenever I go out and am active I get more energy and that energy immediately goes into the PMO section of my brain and then I'm just like "OhHhhH I wonder if THIS exists" and unfortunately because Rule 34 it does.... and thats just an infinite excuse because, again, rule 34 and I need to train myself to ignore that excuse which is tough...

 

I relapsed again... I'm a mess right now... stuck... oh well things'll look up again soon hopefully. I'm confident in the fact that I've 100% solidified my hatred for porn and now think constantly while looking at it about how I'm letting my female (specifically) friends and family down and how I'm letting myself down. The next step is getting to a point where that hatred is constantly applied making me not want to watch it ever.

 

Hey nofapnomore, don't get down on yourself, it's your journey and it takes time. I assume this habit has been with you for years, so it may take time to break it. I doubt your letting anyone else down, everyone should understand how difficult it is to break a habit. The only people I've told are people in this forum and one girl I met a couple days ago and fooled around with. Great job of posting daily like you said you were going to. I've been slacking but I've been busy.
Where is this rule 34? I'm new to this forum and probably have overlooked a lot of the newbie stuff.
I am finding that when I get the urge, I stop, and breath about 5 long full belly breaths and smile. What this does for me is stop the mental story I am telling myself. I think about other things. Try it.

 

Day 14
I've been slacking on posting for a couple days, but still no PMO. I think I act a little different and have more drive since I haven't PMO'ed. I had mentioned that reality is way better than fantasy, we'll I had one of those experiences.
I lift weights about 4 days a week and usually go to the sauna afterwards where I meditate. I did this before but it seems to help not PMO'ing. I find it to be a very easy place for me to talk to people. Well, a really cute girl came in, we chatted, had a lot in common, and she seemed like a pretty free spirit. There was definitely a fun flirtatious vibe. She brought up porn and how she wouldn't be opposed to doing girl/girl or boy/girl. I asked for her number and was going to call her later. I had the day off and partly b/c I hadn't PMO'ed and girls like boldness, I texted her and told her I live in the moment and was seeing what she was up to after the gym. She was waiting for a yoga class that was going to be in an hour and I told her we could do yoga at my place. She wasn't up to anything so she came over. (So far to me in my head this is like a porn storyline.)
Long story short: talking, flirting, touching, made out, lots of sexual energy, bj - I came quickly b/c it had been 14 days and I licked her kitty. She wanted to F but I had just came and it wasn't going back up . I'm 10 years older than her so my libido isn't as quick as you guys in your 20's and I got performance anxiety and was overthinking, embarrassed and not being in the moment. We just laid naked and talked, it felt good. She then had to go meet her b/f of five years that she's not really into to run errands.
Overall, I don't think I would have ever been that bold if I was PMO'ing every day. I also could sense the little cues of attraction more. Plus there was a lot of uncontrolled circumstances that worked. I had a great time and I think she did too. Downside, probably a one day stand, which I haven't done in a while, couldn't get it up when I wanted to and I'd like to see her again. If this was fantasy it would have all been in my head, but it wasn't. It was with a cute girl that has a life and the sexual energy was intense.
Anyone have thoughts on reducing performance anxiety? I thought not PMO'ing would do the trick but unfortunately not the case. I'm guessing the rushed move toward being sexual played a role.
Day 15.
Work, and free concert with a girl friend. What do you guys think about if guys start dancing, grinding up against girls during a show? Do you think the girls enjoy it?
Tips on how to do it in a fun sexual way instead of being creepy. I wasn't bold today and overthought the environment to much, but still had a fun time and good music. No PMO.
Day 16. A little hung over, going to the driving range, and hopefully a free show again tonight. I love summer.

 

Rule 34 is a rule of the internet that states if you think of something there is porn of it and I've not told anyone about my addiction, but I just feel like I've betrayed their trust for some reason... which is really sucky because one of my friends told me that she trusts me more than anyone else and I feel like I've betrayed her a bit... and yeah I've had it going on 5 years now (still early in the addiction right now) and I'm glad I've realized so early it helps a bit.

 

Nomorefappingforever, I'm a little confused on how your betraying someone's trust by not telling them your not PMO'ing and then relapsing. That's great that you have a girl friend that trusts you. If she trusts you and your open than free to tell her your challenge. Just remember you may become a lot more horny as you probably know, so if you like her as just a friend let her know you might get more horny.
I don't think it's about trust but more about self control. Don't get down on yourself when you relapse, just think about what is causing you to do it, and make a change. What steps are you taking to prevent you from PMO'ing? Congratulations on 17 hours at the time of this post.

 

Hi pbr......ive had performance anxiety....I actually am having it with the girl I love as I seem to be good at s3x when love is not involved due to far too much objectification.
I find if I stop concentrating on myself during sex and concentrate on her this helps......try not to give the thoughts fuel and it goes away.....I know easier said than done but just relax......

 

Hey Shane, thank you for the advice about concentrating on her and relaxing. I almost feel that when I concentrate on the woman in the past that's made it worse because I want to please her but that's probably just insecurity and pride on my part. I think relax is the key point I'll think about and enjoy the moment.
How has no pmo helped or not with performance anxiety?

 

Hi pbr.....I havent had sex actually since I stopped about 4 days ago......I feel more confident about not hiding my issues and getting control over them at the moment. I think sex will just feel better as I must be getting some sensitivity back from not jacking off for long periods of time. I feel like im doing something positive for me and her. PA is always temporary and its always mental so not something to worry about......dont think endlessly about it or you just place more pressure on yourself!

 

I am very close to pom today. I recently heard some erotic hyp files. Today I was very tempted to hear the remaining files in the collection. I tried to convince myself that hearing those files is not same as pornography because its not visual porn. I have had this kind of urges before which will let me to uncontrollable pom.


I started thinking about what will happen if I hear the files. I will sure regret hearing it, I will go back to continues pom, I will lose my self-respect one more time, it will continue the cycle, I will lose a whole day which I won’t get it again in my life, I will feel awful and exhausted, I will try to quit again, I will be humiliated in front of others, i will feel the guilt again, my mind will be once again affected by this hyp files, I will start to crave more of it, I will start to crave for more harcore files, my life will be ruined, my studies will be ruined, my work will be ruined, my dreams will be ruined, my body will be ruined, my sex life will be ruined, I will never be the man I wanted to be, I will be a sissy, I will be the man others will laugh at, I will be low life others step on,

I will ruin my memory, I will ruin my intelligence, I will ruin my relations, I will ruin my parents belief in me, I will ruin my future wife’s respect, I will ruin my future wife sex life, I will ruin my future wife life, I will ruin my children, I can’t be a role model to my children, my children will despise me and don’t respect me because I will be a pathetic loser and distant and not caring. I will submit to the addiction one more time,

I will be a loser who submit to the addiction, I will be a week sissy who can’t fight the craving.


I realized that I was not this kind of person once, but I am craving things once i hated, it’s all because my mind is ruined after watching porn. Every time I do something due to the excitement of doing for bitten thing and the dopamine secretion and hormone secretion I became addicted to that thing and it became my habit. I am brainwashed by porn and internet. The pleasure I get from masturbation reinforced my addiction. The shits that secret in my brain during masturbation reinforced my addictions to lot of things.


I have to be strong and realize that my cravings are all result of addictions. If I continue my 30 day journey truthfully with total control then I will have better chance to break my addiction. I will have better chance to find myself once again. I won’t have to be hate myself and be awful lot of time, I could get the respect back, I could get my life back, I could be scientist or at least a teacher I once wanted. I could finish reading lot of books and learn many new skills that I always wanted. i could impress a lot of people.


All I have to do is to realize that these cravings are reinforced due to my actions.



Never give up. Be strong. Be sane and in control. Understand that losing control will make me worse. You will hate yourself if you do it.


Mean what you say and say what you mean. Live happy and healthy.


Thanks guys

 

Hey Prakash, don't be so hard on yourself man. I don't think your life and all that will be ruined, it's just a bump in the road. Get back on the bike and keep riding the way to no PMO. I know if I put to much emphasis on something I think about it more. Redirect your temptation. I find when I want to PMO, taking a deep breath and playing guitar or reading are helping. Please don't be depressed or angry if you PMO, it's a journey and there will be bumps in the road. I doubt that anyone will hate your for it and you certainly shouldn't hate yourself man, it's just a choice. Choose a different more productive choice next time. We're all in this together. Feel free to PM me if you like. I don't have many answers or suggestions but I hate seeing people on here getting down on themselves. We are all realizing that habits are hard to break but they can be broken. Look at some of the peoples' timer. My goal is no PMO forever but I'm starting with 90 days.

 

Thank you for the reply Shane D. That's awesome that it is a positive experience and your not hiding your issue with her. How long are you stopping sex? Is this part of your PMO challenge?
It felt like it was a relief to let her know I get PA. It didn't change the outcome but I felt better about it.

 

Hi PBR.....im not actually stopping sex as part of my challenge but I am stopping sex with myself and a screen....I think porn gets in the way of my relationships so im taking steps to remedy that. Once i was fantasising about some out there stuff ive watched rather than the person im with I knew i had a big problem.
In terms of PA women usually take it as an indication that you are not into them. Once they realise its because you are really into them and are more concerned about letting them down then they relax about it....which in turn helps you relax. Its tough being a guy sometimes as its such a visible representation of performance whereas women dont have such an issue

 

Thanks man

Whenever i let my guards down I start to pmo. Writing my thoughts and reading about others really helps me.

 

I know that I'm not betraying people's trust I just feel like I am which sucks I know I needa stop feeling that way though so I'm working on it and I have to display an IMMENSE amount of self control around my girl friends because I have to force myself to stop my mind from wandering to things I don't want it to. When I'm around them I suppress most of those thoughts and push them into a corner where they await termination, but I make sure to take extra boner hiding precautions around them just in case... freaking awkward shit even if they don't notice... on that note I've found that my porn induced ED is starting to go away which is the upside to being around people more often and having deep conversations with friends and avoiding PMO and everything, the downside of that starting to go away is (as talked about earlier) I tend to pop em WAY easier... like annoyingly easy...

 

Two days and I'm starting to feel hardcore withdrawal. Shaky hands, intense urges, wandering mind... I made it here first though thank goodness and I'm not ready to let my two days go.

 

:|

 

buddy analyse why you relapsed and start to express yourself and help people like you. when you help others you are helping yourself and reasoning with yourself. it will make you feel good and also gives you balls to stand against addiction.

 

k9 locked me out of my computer for 24 hours and I didn't even go on any blocked sites 0-0