I'm a wife- just hit home my husband is addicted and it's hard to process.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by ClearChrystal, Mar 21, 2017.

  1. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    Hi! Quick update very quick. Stay3d out of here intentionally as didn't want to get obsessed more and needing a relatively stress free second half of pregnancy. Now I have my week old new kid in my arms and remembered to update.
    - no masturbation no porn since April when I busted him. Had amazing sex gradually during last half of pregnancy.
    - grew incredibly closet
    - he was my pillar in preparation for birth and excellent with our toddler. Man about the house 10000000% more
    - his jewelry....lol it functions way better than before and things I do gets him going
    - feeling genuinely complimented and appreciated
    - we made a point on being positive. When Smith happens he approaches to discuss and deal with it. Thanks me for bits I do around the house.
    So so tired now with my newborn.

    I instinctively started to trust him. He knew my pet peeve...seei g his stereotype girls in public. Tbh I don't notice them anymore. Whenever he or we spotted them he's stop and hug me or squeeze my hand or whatever, to show me he's there and aware of my nightmares
     
  2. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    People on this forum. Have really shown me the way. I got so.much help here even with how to phrase my words to him. I got so much reassurance and I think my husband should thank them too as their insights and willingness to share their angst and experience have really saved his ass
     
  3. S.Imon

    S.Imon Fapstronaut

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    This is so great! Thanks for the update. Now I am really looking forward to my future no porn marriage.
    Even if my Girlfriend said that it is no big deal for her when I told her of my journey quitting porn, I know that things will
    be so much better without porn. Your story is so inspiring for me. Thanks. I wish your family the best!
     
    Kris456 and Sadgirl like this.
  4. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Fapstronaut

    Wonderful news and congratulations on the new baby <3
     
  5. NoEffingSlack

    NoEffingSlack Fapstronaut

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    Yes, congratulations on everything.
     
  6. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    Another update... it's really a tad busy here with a new baby and a 2.5yrs toddler.. we have new sleeping arrangements cos of the kids which means we don't share a bed but every evening we make a point of spending a few hours together (and the newborn hah) chatting watching something or (my favourite) just talking about the progress we make and how far we've come and what motivations we have to do some like this and dangers where things might slip etc. He told me one of these past days that he did m without any imagery that it was just a mechanic act as it's been a while since the birth and the business with the new kid. Tbh I felt it and I knew it without him telling me, I felt off around him the next day and resentful on whatever he was doing. It's like my radar picked it up- I'm sure my brain recognised his ways of being from before and reacted to it unconsciously. I let it go didn't approach him as I'm mostly on mother role now and tbh that's what I want to be and can be at the moment. He told me about it a couple days later so that triggered some shyte and there we were talking about triggers dangers etc. Tbh it's his choice whatever he does and I know I can't control it. Having a new baby is a blessing too in the sense of reminding me there are priorities and tbings that I need to do and be, whilst at the same time can tackle the shyte in my relatio ship without being sucked into it and overwhelmed . Since then he's been on me like a rash hanging out every free moment he has after the toddler is in bed. So I suppose it goes to say where there's a will there's a way.
     
    Sadgirl and i_wanna_get_better1 like this.
  7. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Why are you blaming your feminist friends?
     
  8. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    Because i know the way i make decisions and i needed skme neutral space before swawing to a side or the other. This site has offered me that. The comfortable bit was to confide in them straigjt Away, get support but not give the relationship a chance- the headspace to weight things down.
     
  9. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think every feminist would say throw him out the door in under a second. Feminist doesn't mean no empathy or compassion either. Would a feminist want you to consider your needs first and foremost? Yes. It's a perspective not a sentence or script.
     
  10. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    Update:
    Life is incredibly busy with a toddler and a new baby. 13 weeks now since birth and a few good weeks since having sex. Baby has an absolutely accurate routine of screamimg and struggling to sleep exactly during that window of chance after toddler has gone to sleep and before we are absolutely.exhausted as it's too late. During that window we had our parents here now and then to help with the kids, sp we had to be with them as well . So I at least had been content to go to sleep and forget bonding and sex. OH mentioned a few times he wants some but it's been impossible to find the time..or energy - even for a quiet hug. I felt things changing slipping away but too busy to care or think about it. Couldn't put mt finger on it why I'm angry at him again and it's like something's up and he's being a jerk again now and then. He's the best dad bends backwardd for both kids and does chores for me etx.
    T
    yesterday evening however I've had it hard after a day with the kids and he came from work finding both kids screamimg - one in the bath one outside lol. I was overwhelmed and generally overwhelmed with guilt for my.toddler... was sharing those feelings with him and he was dead.. said he cant be supportive and i should snap out of it.. many mums in my situation. I was angry with him then it hit me. Ofcourse he's not even trying with me anymore.
    I didn't feel the need to hover over him and check in ages, out of trust and cos of the baby......... but tonibut I scanned his phone whilst he was busy.
    Browsers on incognito
    squeaky clean phone
    Except for 3 catched images titled 'nude bla bla batjtoom celebrity smth like that.

    I'm so disgusted
    i dont 3ven care
    I'm just so, so disappointed. Here i am doing my best yet he choses to distance away. I know ..i strongly suspect he held out after the birth as he had been over me a lot. Ofcourse it's temporary, i imagine he'll say. I.imagine some gas lighting as well. Infact there have been bits of gas lighting sporadically and i was like "whoa stop there why are.you doing this, I'm not taking your bullshyte". Well now I know. Sir has been.busy. he has chosen another route.
     
  11. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I am so sorry. A new baby and all that is going on is a very stressful time. You are a good mama and have a lot on your plate. Have you thought about seeing a counselor for yourself?
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  12. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Did you know of his addiction before the kids?
     
  13. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    In a way..my original post explains it. Was presented it it but didn't recognise what it is.

    Anyway i confronted him. He says those cache imagea must be there since months ago when he was watchijg it. I.told him i know for sure they aren't etc. But he insisted , tail between his legs. Says he prefers browser on incognito as ut frees phone memory. I told him i dont beluebe him and im disapointed and not interested romantically at all in him anymore. It's the dishonesty that got me. I dont have time for this bullshyte. He's been placating and extra nice as a consequence. I feel so calm and sad really as i.know my connection with him.is gone and it's only logistics now on how to be fulfilled with a partner - he seems to not fit the bill
     
  14. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    Hi, long time no see, quick update, in very short.
    - I've recognised I've been in an emotionally abusive marriage. One thing after the other, I almost left with the kinds, got shelter and services in line for this.
    - he recognises he's been emotionally abusive. It's textbook. The sex stuff... It's well, part of the parcel, he thought he was superior to me and I was an object, a faulty object that sometimes got better.
    - he has enrolled by himself in a local program for emotionalmy abusive partners
    -in starting therapy soon.
    -no idea where it will lead but I'm with a foot out of my marriage
    -he is eating humble pie and for the last 3 month's has been on absolute best behaviour- meaning behaving like a decent human being, no micro aggresions.
    So there. If there was ever any doubt, porn abusive is a symptom/cause/part of an abusive relationship.
     

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