I will get to 60 days semen retention!

It's really scary, that those advertisers only care about spam rather than child porn....

 

Day 35

Women attraction is real guys.
Like i mentioned in my previous post, i wasn't home for the last 5 days, because i went on vacation with 2 friends of mine.
On saturday i got my first ever tattoo which i will post here after writing my post.

There was this really shy but friendly and great looking girl at the reception of the tattoo studio, which i thought was just a little bit clumsy at first, when i walked into the studio. After i got inked, i had to pay for the tattoo and had to talk to her again. She explained to me, how i have to care for my new tattoo for the next weeks and i handled her the money. My impression of her being clumsy intensified, because she said sorry for doing nothing wrong, was a little bit slow in calculating the price i had to pay etc.
Because of her awkwardness i was awkward too and did not look her in the eyes all the time.

As i walked out of the tattoo studio my friends, that were next to me while i handled her the money told me, that she was eating my eyes while we were talking to each other. She gave me really intense looks and looked like she wanted to marry me right away.
They also said, that she was nervous and awkward because she was really into me.

I also had some moments at the train station riding home, where women (great looking brunettes and blondes) would smile at me for no reason.

Like i mentioned in my previous posts i'm confident to say, that i'm an above average looking guy (at least that's what people tell me all the time). So it's great to have that confirmed by some good looking women.
The only thing i have to do is to talk to them -that's my weak point. For example, my friends tried to carry me back to the tattoo studio multiple times, so that i can give her my number, but i was too shy to do so.

That's one of the things i have to work on.

I also have to mention, that my new tattoo -a hoplite helmet of the spartans is a symbol for me not letting my self get treated bad in the future and my warrior mentality.

 

Hello guys.
I have to mention, that i'm not allowed to work out, ride my bike and swim for the next 3-7 days due to my new tattoo. I also feel a little bit sick.

That resulted me in not leaving my place that frequently and feeling a little bit unbalanced.. Normally that would lead to a relapse after just a few days, but right now i don't have any need in watching porn.

 

Day 38

Absolutely no need watching porn -even tho i'm sitting at home most of the day.
I think my porn pathways are healing / healed right now.
I'm also alot more calm and collected in social situation than normally, which is great as well.

 

In my case they were. Especially day 20 - 30, where i got the biggest urges and relapsed the first time (day 28).
Right now i'm just sitting at home like i mentioned, not working out but i'm still social interacting and enjoying these interactions -which normally wouldn't be the case. I also have no need to fap anymore -no need at all.
Neuro scientologist Andrew huberman says, that 30 days of abstaining from a drug or addictive behaviour is likely to cure your addiction. Thats the case for me i think!

 

Thanks man! I think the tattoo looks awesome as well.

 

Thank you my friend. That's because modern men don't know what self improvement is and don't even see the need to get back on track, cause they think that their lifestyle is normal.

 

Day 42 - i watched Porn...

Yeah, you read that right. I watched porn for like 10 seconds and was so disgusted and turned off by that shit, that i switched off my phone -where i was watching porn on instantly -so i resisted my inner demons.

For the last 2 - 4 days i haven't slept that well and as a result of that, my willpower was drained today. I was extremely horny too and had the worst ball pain, that you could imagine..
That resulted my in watching P.

Even tho i was instantly switching my device off and resisted, i still feel ashamed and angry about my slip-up...
I think the "relapse" does not set me back that much, but it still hurts losing to my addiction -even if it was just for 10 seconds. It also showed me, that my pathways are still not healed.

I won't set my daycount back and will move on like nothing happened.
I will also take my nighttime routine more seriously from now on to get more sleep tonight and in the future, so that my willpower is as high as possible.

But i can tell you, that i'm very dissappointed and angry right now!

 

I'll never watch porn again.

I felt so anxious and unwell after watching 20 seconds - 1 minute of porn yesterday.
Felt like everyone was staring at me at the gym.
I also had very strange dreams and feel tired as a result of that.

 

Day 44

I feel so fucking anxious and tired right now.
My sleep that night was also filled with sexual related dreams, that were really weird.

I'm honest with you.. I can't handle my anxiety anymore. It is in my head constantly for the past 9 years, due to trauma and it got worse because of my porn consumtion on monday. My anxiety was still there, as i was on my nofap high, but i could handle it by facing those anxiety related situations and that resulted me in feeling great! But right now i can't face my demons. It's like i'm stuck in a cage by my demons, which is in my head and there is no way out...

Today i searched the internet for supplements to get relaxed. I know, that this is just a temporary fix for my anxiety and that i have to cure my anxiety with meditation and gratitude, but that will take to long for me. I have to fix this now or else i'm going to break. I can't live like this anymore man...

It's really trivial -i'm good looking, putting in the work, grinding in the gym etc. but still feeling like that 14 year old teenager that got stalked and bullied..

 

Day 45

I think, that i fucked up my dopamine by watching porn -even tho it was just a minute at max.
Almost everything feels boring right now and i feel so depressed.

I constantly think about relapsing and watching porn again, with ejaculation. But not with me! I will stay strong and conquer my anxiety, depression and negative thoughts without returning to my old nasty habit!

 

I also won't celebrate reaching the 45 day mark, because i've watched porn and still feel ashamed for that..

 

Day 47

I'm feeling horrible and ashamed, that i cry over my withdrawal symptoms all the time, but it's really hard right now.
I just want to get drunk to feel better -even tho i did not drink alcohol for like a year and a half or so.

Today i nearly took half a can of ashwagandha -felt better for an hour or so and felt depressed again.
I just want to isolate myself and do nothing.

But i won't relapse!!

 

Hello brothers,

i wish you all a happy new year!
Yesterday i came to the conclusion, that i can't live this depressed and anxious life anymore.
So i did some research on how to get rid of negative thoughts and anxiety (breathing techniques, affirmations etc.).

That's where i realized, that i didn't meditate the right way the last 4-5 weeks or so. Like i mentioned, i went on vacation with my best mates and had family staying at my place during christmas time.
In that time i started to take meditation and mindfulness less seriously and that's where things started to go downhill.

So i sat down and created a new routine, which focuses on mindfulness, meditiation, gratitude and doing affirmations.
I also watched a video of the self improvement youtuber Hamza -where he talked about realizing that you have a negative thought and then focussing on a body part or your breath. I did this technique a while ago and it helped massively in reducing negative thoughts or getting out of them as soon as they emerge.
Starting from today i also won't eat in fornt of the tv or the phone / computer screen anymore and focus more on enjoying those meals.

Reducing stress and creating a better self image is my main priority right now -i'm already feeling alot better, so that worked for me!

 

Hello brothers,

i realized, that counting the days will only make you feel bad after a relapse and that my biggest problem is lonelyness. So my goal is to speak to more girl than usual and get a girlfriend, that i can fuck haha -so that i don't have to masturbate anymore. Even tho masturbation itself is harmless.
I relapsed yesterday but without porn because i think that porn is dusgusting. So the porn abstinence really worked, which is great!

 

Thank you for your advice. Saying, that i don't have to masturbate anymore if i have a girlfriend was just meant to be a joke. If i only wanted to have sex, i could visit a prostitude at any time. But i know, that this is not only leading to a sex addiction (like you mentioned) but also to very bad mental health. Just look at the fuckboys on the common tv shows. Most of them look very great but end their lifes, because they seek real love but can't have a normal relationship anymore, because of having sex with 50+ women.